BrownHairedGuy Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 I haven't posted here in quite a while. This probably isn't the best place for this and I suppose it will get moved. I've kind of been dreading this day all year because I wasn't sure how I would feel. I've been doing great all year and haven't heard anything about my ex since maybe spring. I feel really good about where I'm at with everything and the steps I've taken to get myself back on track mentally as well as in life. I haven't been dating recently because I don't feel I am 100% over everything and I don't think that would be fair to a girl I dated if I wasn't completely over events from my last relationship. I also immediately had trust issues with the last girl I talked to for a month, no fault of hers either. I really don't know why I'm posting, I guess to just write it out somewhere so I can see how far I've come since the beginning of the year. If anyone reads this that went through infidelity, just know that life is full of great gifts so be sure to keep your eyes open and get out and just enjoy life. The longer you dwell on the past, the more you miss of what the future holds for you. It took me a few months after everything happened to realize that. 7
l8estnews Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 Hi Brown, Thanks for posting. Healing takes time. Don't rush things. The good news is you're getting there, yes it's kinda slow, but still getting there. Proud of you! Praying for your happiness!
harrybrown Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 I wonder how many times has she cheated on her OM? good that she is out of your life. Hope you find someone that is faithful.
Jersey born raised Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 Thank you for posting. It is a hard journey your exWW put you on. Don't give into despair. Keep us updated.
drifter777 Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 This is exactly the right forum to post this - many thanks. The big question is: when you walked away do you think you made the right decision? 1
Bufo Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 Good to know you have sufficient self awareness to know you don't want to jump into a rebound relationship. Trampolines and rebound relationships can be dangerous to your health 2
Mr. Lucky Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 I haven't been dating recently because I don't feel I am 100% over everything and I don't think that would be fair to a girl I dated if I wasn't completely over events from my last relationship. Congrats on your progress. You can date for different reasons, commitment doesn't have to be one of them. I played a lot of sports after my divorce, was easy to ask female fellow players "want to grab a beer after the match?". If you keep it low key with a friendly vibe, can be relaxed fun for you and her... Mr. Lucky 3
Author BrownHairedGuy Posted October 12, 2016 Author Posted October 12, 2016 This is exactly the right forum to post this - many thanks. The big question is: when you walked away do you think you made the right decision? Didn't really have any other choice since she fell hard. That being said - absolutely. 1
Author BrownHairedGuy Posted October 12, 2016 Author Posted October 12, 2016 Congrats on your progress. You can date for different reasons, commitment doesn't have to be one of them. I played a lot of sports after my divorce, was easy to ask female fellow players "want to grab a beer after the match?". If you keep it low key with a friendly vibe, can be relaxed fun for you and her... Mr. Lucky Mr. Lucky, Always nice to hear from you. You're definitely right, I haven't stopped myself from going on some great dates and having a good time. I've met some great people and made a lot of new friends. 1
dichotomy Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 My first marriage and WW crushed me. I spent a 1.5 years trying to cope and get healthy. Even when I started dating - I got into a bad relationship with someone who was also not healthy. I was just a mess. Its easy in hindsight - but I wish I could have just gotten over it quicker and jumped into some fun lite dating - maybe a little wild times for a while. I kept focusing on getting hurt again and trust issues - but i should have just said "F it "and had some fun and confidence in myself and not worried so much. But again easy to say now. I guess what i am saying is there is a point where you should not wait too much longer to get out there. I wish you the best. 2
Marc878 Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 Look at the bright side. What did you really lose? A low class cheater whose family was just as bad. You got out early and didn't waste a lot of time or life. Be thankful, be very thankful. You should go out and celebrate!!!!! 3
Author BrownHairedGuy Posted October 12, 2016 Author Posted October 12, 2016 Look at the bright side. What did you really lose? A low class cheater whose family was just as bad. You got out early and didn't waste a lot of time or life. Be thankful, be very thankful. You should go out and celebrate!!!!! I have a very attractive blonde coming over for wine and a movie. That's my way of celebrating haha. 4
ShatteredLady Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 Anniversaries are so very hard after adultery. It was our 20th anniversary a couple of weeks ago. We're in reconciliation (or it's under the rug) I'm still not sure. I spent the whole day trying not to burst into tears, secretly wishing that my H had really thought about it & organized something nice, romantic, memorable, whilst dreading any recognition of the day. It was so hard! Our wedding day is still remembered by family & friends as the most fantastic wedding & reception ever. It truly was!!! Ugh it was wonderful. I could tell so many stories, funny, romantic, cool, loving, silly, cute, naughty, fun, fun, fun!! It makes me cry now. I remember being asked by a coworker why I was getting married & I replied "He's my best friend & I fancy him like crazy!". I didn't have time to think but I still believe that's a pretty great answer. I believed, without a shadow of doubt, that I was doing the right thing. I loved him so much that I knew I could never leave him. I knew that he was the nicest, kindest, most gentle man in the world. I believed that he could never hurt me & would always cherish me. I had blind faith, unconditional love, passion, adoration. I still don't know how we got from there too here. It's a bloody tragedy!! I'm terminally sad. Anyway, there was no grand gesture, no declaration of endless love. A bunch of flowers from Target & take-out food. It was ok. What's the big deal with anniversaries anyway? (She says whilst eating sour grapes) It's sad. The great expectations of our wedding days.... Is it easier once you're divorced? Do you start to forget the promise of that fairy tale day? Reconciliation is so bloody hard. I still can't get over the WHY? If we had divorced & he had ended-up with his OW it would of been worth it. He broke my heart & destroyed our love story, our innocence, our memories are tarnished for NOTHING but regret. What a waste?!?! 2
Lion Heart Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 I haven't posted here in quite a while. This probably isn't the best place for this and I suppose it will get moved. I've kind of been dreading this day all year because I wasn't sure how I would feel. I've been doing great all year and haven't heard anything about my ex since maybe spring. I feel really good about where I'm at with everything and the steps I've taken to get myself back on track mentally as well as in life. I haven't been dating recently because I don't feel I am 100% over everything and I don't think that would be fair to a girl I dated if I wasn't completely over events from my last relationship. I also immediately had trust issues with the last girl I talked to for a month, no fault of hers either. I really don't know why I'm posting, I guess to just write it out somewhere so I can see how far I've come since the beginning of the year. If anyone reads this that went through infidelity, just know that life is full of great gifts so be sure to keep your eyes open and get out and just enjoy life. The longer you dwell on the past, the more you miss of what the future holds for you. It took me a few months after everything happened to realize that. Snap. I get it too. The "firsts" of everything is hardest after separation and then divorce then one day you realize that you can't even REMEMBER the day your Anniversary falls on. I find it best to plan something fun and even silly or quirky on these dates. You look forward to that OTHER thing in a funny light instead of dreading the doom and gloom of the realities of your past. The past is dead and gone. No point in breathing present life into it. Not Reincarnating it purposefully if you can manage. Like an Alchemist just whittle it down to what's necessary to remember. It's different for all of us. I use a mind technique to psychologically photoshop the WS out of all my memories of family times. His cruel behaviours on those times are not something to dwell on. The children around him are! Next year will be easier. You know how you fared last year then. Congratulations on your progress. Lion Heart 1
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