Confusion

[92109]

Hi. I'm a 31 female (yep....31...). I would have posted on a forum at POF because I think there's more of a balance of male and female posters but I couldn't figure out how to register! Hearing from a male perspective on this matters a lot to me, but the female perspective can be helpful too!

 

I realize this is going to be a long post as well as to just move on. I deleted his number and realized how pointless it would be to continue to talk to him.

 

Anyway this is why I am here...

 

I just moved out of a complex I lived at for a year (cheaper rent elsewhere). Every now and then I would see this good looking guy in my building walking around with no shirt on walking his dog or taking out his trash. We never said anything more than hi or bye. I realize he gave me 0% indication of any interest. I normally am not into guys who look like him. He is built probably like a pro wrestler or MMA fighter but each time I would see him, I tried not to stare. I told myself that on move out day, I would finally talk to him (I would never flirt or approach a guy who I live with or work with due to constantly seeing them). Just in case I didn't get to see him, I wrote basically a love letter (or in my case a lust letter). I realize how creepy and pathetic it sounds.... It was short and direct. I told him that he's one of the sexiest guys that I have ever seen and that if he's single, I would worship him (yes I said that). Along with it I gave my number. Naturally I didn't see him so I left it for him at his door.

 

The next day I heard from him via text (would have preferred a phone call as texting seems too impersonal to me). He told me how much he loved my letter but that he had just started to see someone. He then asked me what I meant by worshiping since he was so curious. I didn't really answer his question in a "sexy" way as I hate flirting via text. He then sends me a picture of himself in nothing but a pair of shorts. I did not ask him for the picture at all. I then responded something funny (well I thought it was funny) about something that was in the background of his picture. No response. In any case, I didn't text him until a few days later.

 

Our 2nd (and last) texting conversation was just 2 days ago. I initiated. When I sent the first text I tried to come off as flirty (since I know this guy seems to want to be admired) and said that I have been looking at his picture constantly. His response was "who is this?" which obviously means he didn't save my info lol.... He then said something like. "Oh I know who it is. Hi". He then sent me another picture of himself. We made some small talk conversation. I got to the point where I realize girlfriend or no girlfriend, I don't think this guy has any interest in me whatsoever. I just told him that I would leave him alone now, thanks for the pictures so now I have something to use at night (again I know gross but I knew he would like that), and to take care. He responded back saying he isn't a cheater but that there is nothing wrong with him chatting with me (the fact that he said that to me already means even if it ends with that girl, it would never get beyond texting with me). I then said something like "No it's fine. Thanks for being nice to be about the whole thing but I'm embarrassed about my letter enough as it is. Good luck with everything in life". He responded back with another picture of himself but this time in tight boxer briefs where I could clearly see the outline of dick (similar to when that rapper posted a picture of himself).My response was "Thanks again for another photo. So great to have a few pictures to work with! In any case, I will now direct my attention to someone else I know but you are far better looking".

 

Never heard back.

 

Again deleted his information. I'm not tempted to text back because to be frank, again I even know this is pointless. I know I will never hear from him again since he clearly didn't save my contact information. I just felt led on by him sending me pictures, actually contacting me when I left the letter despite the fact he has a gf. Before the 2nd texting conversation, I almost was hoping to get something out of him like if it doesn't work out, he would love to go out but that never happened. When we had our 2nd conversation, I was trying to be dirty and direct and said I was hoping to be his ****toy (my friend advised me to say that). That's when he said he was single he would have obliged. He then gave me the only compliment I have ever received from him which was something like "Don't be embarrassed by what you did! Your confidence is very sexy!" That just feels like some cliche he felt like he had to say to nicely reject me.

 

I don't know why this rejection hurts me but it does. I mean he was nice about the whole thing but I realize he most likely just spoke to me and sent pictures because it gave him attention and fed his ego. Despite all this, if ever he wanted to have a 1 night stand, I would run over there for him. =/

[Zahara]

I was cringing reading that but to each its own.

 

I'm not sure what you expected when you send a total stranger a letter that glorifies them, especially someone that you probably could tell already had an ego on him. Yes, he probably enjoyed the attention of a woman putting him on a pedestal. I'm sure you're not the only woman that pays him attention.

 

Plus, if you know a man has a girlfriend, it would be good to have healthy boundaries and stay away. Muscles and good looks aren't worth throwing away your moral compass. And you don't want to pursue a guy that's already showing you that he has no problems stepping out of his commitment.

 

And the fact that you express negativity about your actions, rather than feel confident in what you choose to do to get the attention of a man, almost sounds like you're doing it against your better judgment and trying really hard to get a guy to like you?

[smackie9]

You are letting fantasy over run reality. It's pretty good that you kept yourself somewhat in check tho. I think this is a lesson in learning to listen to reason, and don't do anything you will regret later.

 

Do you lack experience by any chance? You feel like a caged animal sexually? Frustrated, in need of a release and don't know where to put this energy?

[92109]

Smackie, this guy just screams sex to me. I've never been attracted to someone like that as I usually go for more normal guys. I know this guy is out of my league. I was really more interested in seeing him closer up and playing with him a bit. When we had our first texting conversation, I was the most confused from that. I thought he lied about having a girlfriend and was just saying that so he could reject me. It was clear to me he liked the attention in any case. I just found it odd that he would send me extremely sexy pictures of himself while having a girlfriend. I thought (if he was being truthful) that it might not have been serious as he said he had a girlfriend starting a couple of weeks ago.

 

In our 2nd/last conversation where I was more flirty he reminded me that he has a girlfriend and isn't a cheater. Still got 2 more pictures of him nearly naked.

 

At that point I realized how pointless this was. Just feel like he gave me mixed messages "I started seeing someone." "I'm no cheater" yet sends me all these pictures of himself.

 

I kind of wish when he got the letter he just didn't bother to contact me since he has a girlfriend, or maybe held on to it until he was single. I really would like to hear from him one day about just having a fun night but I know the odds are very low of that happening. I imagine he already got rid of messages and contact information. I never sent him photos of myself.

[SoThatHappened]

This is what I read into your story:

 

You're extremely shy and desperately looking for attention. Not how I recommend doing it, but as Zahara said, to each their own.

 

He only gave you attention (the way he did) because he wanted you to return the favor - by sending him provocative pictures.

 

All you did was text "dirty". He wants dirty pics.

 

He said just enough to keep you at arm's length while he was hoping to receive sexts from you.

 

If you want a one-night-stand, send him what you know he wants.

 

I'd work on other things, though.

[92109]

This is what I read into your story:

 

You're extremely shy and desperately looking for attention. Not how I recommend doing it, but as Zahara said, to each their own.

 

He only gave you attention (the way he did) because he wanted you to return the favor - by sending him provocative pictures.

 

All you did was text "dirty". He wants dirty pics.

 

He said just enough to keep you at arm's length while he was hoping to receive sexts from you.

 

If you want a one-night-stand, send him what you know he wants.

 

I'd work on other things, though.

 

I am very shy. That being said, when I want something, I will do what it takes to get it (I know that seems conflicting though).

 

I really didn't get any indication that he wanted pictures from me. He didn't give me any indication that he was even attracted to me so I didn't bother to do that. I guess I needed him to be more forward about what he wanted. That being said even with a girlfriend, if he invited me to come over, I would. Yes I know that's wrong. As far as the one night stand thing, I told him that I wanted to be his f***toy. That's when he said again that he has a girlfriend and isn't a cheater but that if he was single he would obliged.

[smackie9]

Smackie,. I was really more interested in seeing him closer up and playing with him a bit.

 

 

 

So how do you like being toyed with??? Not fun at all am I right? so why would you do it to someone if you don't like it yourself? It messed with your head....

[Redhead14]

The OP is, more or less, saying that she expected him to find her so beautiful and irresistible that he would waive his moral high ground and cheat on his girlfriend and when he didn't, she got hurt . . .

 

This guy knows what he's dealing with and, even if he would cheat with someone, it won't be with a woman who may likely be a stalker/bunny boiler . . .

[Space Ritual]

I am going to be perfectly honest with you. It's probabiy going to sound awful to you, but if you are writing in here thinking you have some sort of shot of long term romance with this guy, let me disabuse you of that right here and now. So my apologies beforehand...

 

I am sure if he wants to get a quick blowjob from you on the near future without anyone knowing he will let you know.

 

You are exhibiting behavior that guys consider "Good From Far.... but far from good". In that they would not mind getting into the sack with you as long as you can keep a secret. And certainly as long as you understand he would not want to be seen in public with you. If you are fine with that, and can deal with it and not get mad when he sees you in public and acts like he has never seen you before in front of his girlfriend, or girlfriends, then have at it.

 

He walks around with his shirt off for the reason that you are probably not the only girl that approaches him, so it's good ego stroke. I suppose if I was buff and not in my Fifties I would do it too, but I have too many scars from being shot and stabbed to do that, for poor lifestyle choices are a contributory factor in said scars. lol

 

That being said, I don't see any conceivable reason why you would want to subject yourself to that type of treatment. Continue the little game at your own peril.

 

This probably goes without saying, but if you do engage in any sexual activity with him that you should probably make sure it is as safe as possible. Guys generally are not safe as it is, but if this guy is the Adonis you say he is, then I am sure his genitals have probably seen more action than a Turkish Bath House.

 

I sure hope you understand that what could be a few minutes of pleasure could bring with it a boatload of drama, I doubt you are the first woman to take leave of her senses after seeing a really hot guy, and you won't be the last so I'll just leave it at that and wish you good luck:)

[92109]

So how do you like being toyed with??? Not fun at all am I right? so why would you do it to someone if you don't like it yourself? It messed with your head....

 

Huh? I don't get it?

[92109]

The OP is, more or less, saying that she expected him to find her so beautiful and irresistible that he would waive his moral high ground and cheat on his girlfriend and when he didn't, she got hurt . . .

 

This guy knows what he's dealing with and, even if he would cheat with someone, it won't be with a woman who may likely be a stalker/bunny boiler . . .

 

Not at all actually

[smackie9]

Huh? I don't get it?

 

You said you just wanted to get closer and play with him a bit....that's toying with him ...then it turns out he played with you instead and it bit you in the ass.

[92109]

I think this is where slang is different by "play with him" I mean have ummm some fun sexual time...

[Leigh 87]

How cringe worthy.

 

Guess what? I did the same thing. Six years back.

 

Wrote a hot body builder/ my personal trainer in fact, a letter.

 

Look I will be totally honest here: men like that find us good enough to fck but not attractive enough to date.

 

Even if you are very attractive, not many men LIKE even hot girls to give them notes:sick: I have spoken with a few men who claimed that girls had left not on their cars and it totally turned them off BUT they still slept with these women.

 

Yes some men appreciate it when ATTRACTIVE women approach them. But that only works when you are attractive and only lead insofar as saying HI; beyond first saying hello, you DO NOT lead. Let the guy take over from there.

 

I once got a guy who thought I was gorgeous by approaching him first. It was at a hostel in Germany. I noticed a group of Aussies and introduced myself to him since I too, am an Aussie. I was starving so asked him if we wanted to come keep me company while I ate my meal. He did all the moves thereafter.

 

So saying hello when you are travelling in hostels is one thing. Writing notes to men who you HAVE actually already smiled at and said hi to, is just plain DESPERATE.

 

PLEASE never do this again ! I sure didn't after that one time I wrote my " note "

 

Acting this way will only attract men who would not otherwise bother with you nor find you attractive enough to date but will happily shag you. It is just not worth making the first move the bulk of the time, since so few men who are into you will arise from such an " introduction "

[ExpatInItaly]

Girl, no. Just...no.

 

You're really only accomplishing two things here:

1) Making yourself look desperate and inexperienced in the art of seduction

and

2) Stroking his ego

 

He's obviously not interested, but he likes knowing some random woman drools over him. That's pretty much it. Don't contact him again. If he wanted some side action from you, you'd know it by now.

 

Save your desires for a guy who would gladly reciprocate. You'll find the whole experience so much more rewarding and fun.