Ddunfee Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 Hello...I haven't posted in a very long time. My BF and I have been seeing each other exclusively for almost 4 years. He was married, and so was I. We are both now divorced, me for 5 years and he longer. We both have children that are in their schools. We haven't moved in with each other b/c of the children and their schools. Neither one of us want to uproot them. I have twins, both going into high school next year, and they will enter into a private high school, allowing us to live where ever we want, not so for his son. His son has three more years in middle school before high school. We talked about me being able to move where ever I want, but I am not so sure that I want to do that. I just bought my house earlier this year. And I am just now getting settled. I've noticed lately that all the PDA has stopped. We don't kiss on the lips anymore, or hold hands. We spend at least 3 nights and a few days together, and he does help me with the house or the car, or things like that. So I am grateful, but I do miss the affection. I am not sure why this has stopped. I don't know if I am being a spoiled brat, or just really missing the affection. Has anyone else felt this way? Am I over reacting? Or is this a legitimate feeling?
Redhead14 Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 Hello...I haven't posted in a very long time. My BF and I have been seeing each other exclusively for almost 4 years. He was married, and so was I. We are both now divorced, me for 5 years and he longer. We both have children that are in their schools. We haven't moved in with each other b/c of the children and their schools. Neither one of us want to uproot them. I have twins, both going into high school next year, and they will enter into a private high school, allowing us to live where ever we want, not so for his son. His son has three more years in middle school before high school. We talked about me being able to move where ever I want, but I am not so sure that I want to do that. I just bought my house earlier this year. And I am just now getting settled. I've noticed lately that all the PDA has stopped. We don't kiss on the lips anymore, or hold hands. We spend at least 3 nights and a few days together, and he does help me with the house or the car, or things like that. So I am grateful, but I do miss the affection. I am not sure why this has stopped. I don't know if I am being a spoiled brat, or just really missing the affection. Has anyone else felt this way? Am I over reacting? Or is this a legitimate feeling? If you want more passion in the relationship, you need to help create it. Kiss him on the lips and hold his hand. Show him and if he doesn't seem to be picking up that cue, communicate with him, let him know you need more, show him what you need. He may be feeling/thinking the same thing . . . "u know Xname, I feel like we're so caught up in all the routine of things and I appreciate you for all you do, but we haven't been as affectionate with each other lately. I'd love it if we could put that back into the relationship" and kiss him deeply then let him talk (if he can It's worth a try. 3
introverted1 Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 So it is just the lack of PDA that is bothering you? Your title says "lack of almost everything" so it sounds like there is more. Were you hoping to move in together? Are you former affair partners? Have your kids met? Need more info, OP.
Author Ddunfee Posted October 12, 2016 Author Posted October 12, 2016 Hello...I am not so sure what I really want. I know that I don't want to move away from my house. I just bought my house this year, and he rents. I know that he will not move into my house b/c he will have to uproot his son from his school system. I am not opposed to us living together, but I will not sell my house and move to his neighborhood. No, we are not former affair partners, we met 9 months after my divorce. And yes, our children have met. His son and my son get along OK...they are very different, his son actually gets along better with my daughter. My son is very much into sports, and playing sports...he isn't into sports at all, actually he just plays on the electronics....
babylonsfire Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 If you don't move in with him, is that a deal-breaker? Could that be causing the lack of affection? Just a thought. Sure, you own your own house, you might just have to wait for his son, so that he change schools. 3 years is a long time to wait for someone though, on both sides. Do you have visitation arrangements? If there's times you don't have yours, are there ways you could live with him during that time, or vice versa? What are the alternatives? Are you tied to your exact home, or can you buy another home close to him and sell it, or turn yours into a rental home for now? Is it more of being tied to the home, or to the idea of owning a home?
central Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 If your relationship is serious, you must have known that buying a house outside his child's school district would prevent you moving in together. Perhaps he feels your lack of commitment to the relationship, and is questioning its viability. Also, where are you respective exes? Do you share custody? Has his ex moved to a different location so that their residence isn't in his child's school boundaries? 3
rester Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 If your relationship is serious, you must have known that buying a house outside his child's school district would prevent you moving in together. Perhaps he feels your lack of commitment to the relationship, and is questioning its viability. This is what I was wondering. Did he have any input in your house buying? It sounds like you would have had the ability to move to where he is had you waited just a little longer to buy a house but you prioritized the house ahead of your relationship. 1
smackie9 Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 talk to him about it. I doubt it has anything to do with your living arrangements and he is sexually blackmailing you....it could be anything like a crush on a co-worker, etc. Obviously his attention is going somewhere else. You can have us assume/guess at this all day, but it won't solve anything. Communication is your only answer.
BluesPower Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 Affection is so important but it may not be his love language. Show him like red said and talk to him if he still does not get it. Question is why has it changed?
Gr8fuln2020 Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 Affection is so important but it may not be his love language. Show him like red said and talk to him if he still does not get it. Question is why has it changed? The lack of PDA is recent. He is holding back b/c he is not happy with you about something. Find out what. 1
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