jdschmidt0686 Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 (edited) Hey everyone, I really have no idea what I am doing here. Like so many of you it's probably because the one person you would normally talk to is the one who just shattered your entire universe. Some background information: My (now ex)Fiance and I met a little over 3 years ago. We were instantly inseparable. I was a Firefighter when we first met, we had only been together a few months when I got trapped in a fire and hurt. The only thing I remember is waking up after being in a medically induced coma for a few days is she was right there waiting. All the nurses made comments about how much she must love me because she didn't leave once in those days. She slept on a small very uncomfortable chair. Afterwards I spent a few days in the ICU, she left once for about an hour to go shower and change clothes. A week in a normal hospital room and same thing. She wouldn't leave no matter how many times I told her to please get some sleep in her own bed. It might seem silly since at that time we had only been dating a few months but that's the first time I thought I was going to marry that girl. Over the next few years everything was great. We had our arguments like every relationship but always worked through it pretty fast. so last January I had saved up a good chunk of money and finally was able to get her the ring I wanted her to have. Long story short we got engaged and we were both very happy. Honestly we were very happy until about a week ago. I don't know what happened. just one night she seemed kind of distant and I asked her if something was up and she said no. but over the course of a few days she just withdrew more and more. then a few nights ago she just said she was done. She said she didn't think she loved me anymore. I was caught completely off guard and just stood there in shock. She was completely emotionless, and absolutely cold. I would have sworn it was a completely different person. I tried to talk to her and figure out what happened but she just wouldn't give me the time a day. I have been working evening shift and get home around midnight. Last night when I got home there was only a note saying sorry she didn't get all of her stuff out but she would be back to finish (tonight) while I am at work. I tried to text her a few times over the past few days and never have gotten a response. I haven't eaten anything since that moment. haven't slept and my self esteem isn't just low, it's completely non existent. I just feel like a hollow shell at work. Like a robot, just go in and do my work without saying a word and drive home and crawl in bed with the same blank look. And if you read all of that, thank you. if anything it's just a vent. I am not asking for advice on how to get her back because even in my destroyed mental state I know that's not going to happen. If she really did love me she wouldn't make feel this bad and have absolutely no type of remorse. She never shed a tear. So i know right now my plan weather I like it or not is to just move on. It just feels like that is never going to be possible, I don't know how a person can come back from loving someone with everything they are and have and being told you're still not good enough. Edited October 12, 2016 by jdschmidt0686
aloneinaz Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 It really sucks when this happens but you seem to have your head on straight about it. In all likelihood, she had been checking out of that relationship for weeks or months before she let you know. You can google "signs your partner is losing interest" and see if you missed them. What you should not do is blame yourself or assume you were "not good enough". Who knows what lead her to that decision. Everyone has been in a LTR where they suddenly start to feel it's not going to work long term. It simply comes with relationships and is a risk we all take. My suggestion is to exchange each others things ASAP and then cut all contact. Having any continual limited contact w/her will only drag out the BS and drama while keeping you in lots of pain. Read the NC thread as it's the best thing for YOU to heal, get over it and move on with your life. It's going to take time to work through this. Work is a good thing as is staying busy with hobbies, working out and just being good to yourself. Your sleep and appetite will return in a few days. 1
Kelley Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 I know how you are feeling I'm going through the same thing. My ex is now in a relationship with the woman he cheated on me with after months of she is just a friend. No remorse, nothing, just moved on. It has really knocked my confidence, and I'm struggling to move on, when I loved him with everything I had, he was my whole world, and best friend. I just get through it day by day, cry when I have to, write down my anger when it engulfs me. I'm also not sleeping, and my appetite has still not returned. I'm on day 10 of NC and it's hard, I miss talking to him, but I know it will just set me back, and knowing he is with her makes it easier not to contact him, and hard as it makes me angry! So I call a friend instead. I feel for you, just try your best to move on and let time do it's job. Take care.
newheart Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 Hey everyone, I really have no idea what I am doing here. Like so many of you it's probably because the one person you would normally talk to is the one who just shattered your entire universe. Some background information: My (now ex)Fiance and I met a little over 3 years ago. We were instantly inseparable. I was a Firefighter when we first met, we had only been together a few months when I got trapped in a fire and hurt. The only thing I remember is waking up after being in a medically induced coma for a few days is she was right there waiting. All the nurses made comments about how much she must love me because she didn't leave once in those days. She slept on a small very uncomfortable chair. Afterwards I spent a few days in the ICU, she left once for about an hour to go shower and change clothes. A week in a normal hospital room and same thing. She wouldn't leave no matter how many times I told her to please get some sleep in her own bed. It might seem silly since at that time we had only been dating a few months but that's the first time I thought I was going to marry that girl. Over the next few years everything was great. We had our arguments like every relationship but always worked through it pretty fast. so last January I had saved up a good chunk of money and finally was able to get her the ring I wanted her to have. Long story short we got engaged and we were both very happy. Honestly we were very happy until about a week ago. I don't know what happened. just one night she seemed kind of distant and I asked her if something was up and she said no. but over the course of a few days she just withdrew more and more. then a few nights ago she just said she was done. She said she didn't think she loved me anymore. I was caught completely off guard and just stood there in shock. She was completely emotionless, and absolutely cold. I would have sworn it was a completely different person. I tried to talk to her and figure out what happened but she just wouldn't give me the time a day. I have been working evening shift and get home around midnight. Last night when I got home there was only a note saying sorry she didn't get all of her stuff out but she would be back to finish (tonight) while I am at work. I tried to text her a few times over the past few days and never have gotten a response. I haven't eaten anything since that moment. haven't slept and my self esteem isn't just low, it's completely non existent. I just feel like a hollow shell at work. Like a robot, just go in and do my work without saying a word and drive home and crawl in bed with the same blank look. And if you read all of that, thank you. if anything it's just a vent. I am not asking for advice on how to get her back because even in my destroyed mental state I know that's not going to happen. If she really did love me she wouldn't make feel this bad and have absolutely no type of remorse. She never shed a tear. So i know right now my plan weather I like it or not is to just move on. It just feels like that is never going to be possible, I don't know how a person can come back from loving someone with everything they are and have and being told you're still not good enough. I am so sorry to hear of your heartbreak. I am a mess after one year, not nearly as involved as yours so I can only imagine. I don't really have any great advice because I am also struggling, but right now everyone will tell you to go NC and they are right. Allow her to take her things and go, as painful as that may be. May I also suggest counseling? It is really helpful as you go through the healing process. It is really hard to reconcile the person you knew and loved when they seem to change overnight, I get that. I think that is the hardest part, I've lost many hours of sleep trying to figure out why. Take care of yourself. (((hugs)))
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