How do you convert a dating into a FWB situation?

[Coldfire]

I am still new to dating after a long term, very loving and committed relationship and as my posts here demonstrate, I really don't always know what I am doing .

 

Could anyone offer advice about ways to convert a dating into a FWB situation without offending the guy? Is it even possible? How do I even tell him?

 

Guys: if a woman proposes this would you be ok with it?

[jen1447]

Depends on the guy but prob in most cases you could just have sex w him and keep having sex w him and he'd be pretty happy.

[basil67]

Are you actually dating a guy at present? Does he have feelings for you?

[Shining One]

Guys: if a woman proposes this would you be ok with it?

If we're just in the dating phase, I would most likely be okay with converting to FWB. Usually, I'm the one suggesting FWB to women, but almost none accept.

[Coldfire]

Shining One

 

What exactly is the dating phase? You mean before I had sex? Sex is great but i dont feel compatibility and intellectual connection beyond that and I realized I do not want to keep dating if there is no sex involved on every date. How do I convey this information?

 

If we're just in the dating phase, I would most likely be okay with converting to FWB. Usually, I'm the one suggesting FWB to women, but almost none accept.

[Coldfire]

Are you actually dating a guy at present? Does he have feelings for you?

 

Yes. Don't know if he has feelings but he want to spend long weekends with me and things like that. It is beyond what I would ideally want with him.

[Coldfire]

Depends on the guy but prob in most cases you could just have sex w him and keep having sex w him and he'd be pretty happy.

 

Yes but when it is a more standard dating situation you spend much more time together than what is required for sex.

[Shining One]

What exactly is the dating phase? You mean before I had sex?

The dating phase (as I see it) is when you're going out on dates but haven't yet agreed to an exclusive/committed relationship. Sex may or may not have happened at this point, but I almost always have sex during the dating stage.

Sex is great but i dont feel compatibility and intellectual connection beyond that and I realized I do not want to keep dating if there is no sex involved on every date. How do I convey this information?

You conveyed it fairly well in your post. If a woman were to bring this information to me, I would like to hear something like: "I've enjoyed our time together, but I don't think we're compatible for a relationship. However, I really enjoy the sex and I would like to keep doing that if you're up for it."

[basil67]

"I've enjoyed our time together, but I don't think we're compatible for a relationship. However, I really enjoy the sex and I would like to keep doing that if you're up for it."

 

This is a pretty good way to say it.

 

What about the emotional side to this. Are you prepared for him to only be calling you for a shag when he's got no better option? Are you prepared for him to disappear from your life when he finds a woman who is interested in a relationship with him?

[Coldfire]

The dating phase (as I see it) is when you're going out on dates but haven't yet agreed to an exclusive/committed relationship. Sex may or may not have happened at this point, but I almost always have sex during the dating stage.You conveyed it fairly well in your post. If a woman were to bring this information to me, I would like to hear something like: "I've enjoyed our time together, but I don't think we're compatible for a relationship. However, I really enjoy the sex and I would like to keep doing that if you're up for it."

 

I think I would prefer to tell him that what I need right now is more of a sexual relationship. I don't want to tell him directly about the conpatibility issue.

 

Will report back!

[Coldfire]

This is a pretty good way to say it.

 

What about the emotional side to this. Are you prepared for him to only be calling you for a shag when he's got no better option? Are you prepared for him to disappear from your life when he finds a woman who is interested in a relationship with him?

 

Thanks! I think that if there is not enough depth in a relationship the two individuals naturally drift apart. I am prepared for this.

[Coldfire]

Thanks for your feedback!!!!

[Popsicle]

Step #1: You need to have someone that you're dating first.

Step #2: Don't spend a lot of time with them and don't be in constant contact. Ignore them sometimes and make excuses.

Step #3: Be honest when they want to talk about the relationship or bring it up yourself. Tell them you're not looking fir anything serious and just want to be casual.

Step #4: Be prepared for them to be distant with you after this.

Edited October 12, 2016 by Popsicle

[Justanaverageguy]

I've enjoyed our time together, but I don't think we're compatible for a relationship. However, I really enjoy the sex and I would like to keep doing that if you're up for it.

 

I'm a guy who is open to FWB scenarios but if I heard that from a woman she would likely never hear from me again. You can move to FWB with out putting the other person down and making them feel like your happy to use them for sex don't see them as relationship material because of their personality.

 

Based on the OP original post the easiest way to do this would be to simply say. I really enjoy hanging out and having fun with you at the moment - sex is great - but as I just came out of a long term relationship I'm looking for something a little more casual and fun. Not emotionally in the right place to get into a serious relationship. Would love to keep seeing you if your ok with it just being a casual fun and aren't looking for something more serious.

 

To the point - based soley around your own personal position and doesn't make the other person feel bad you give them props for their prowess in the bedroom. Win - Win. Most guys would give themselves a mental high five when they hear the second statement - the first statement is like a kick in the guts.

Edited October 12, 2016 by Justanaverageguy

[jen1447]

Yes but when it is a more standard dating situation you spend much more time together than what is required for sex.

 

Ok I thought this was like introductory dating. I agree that a direct approach is best. I don't want to marginalize guys but IME there aren't many who'd say no to an offer of steady sex, even if it meant not much else.

[The_Onceler]

The direct, honest approach is probably best, at least I think so, based upon emails that my ex sent back and forth with various other men. Stuff such as:

 

"Hey, I have started seeing a coworker, but I still want to get naked with you - what do you think?

 

OR

 

"I know we talked about a hookup tonight, but I don't just want to f_ck and then leave - are you OK if I stay the night?"

 

Or even

 

"Hey, it's been a while - how are you? Are you still open to friendship, dating or just FWB?"

 

 

All of these sorts of things were appropriate, based upon what my ex sent and/or received from these various "friends"

[Shining One]

I'm a guy who is open to FWB scenarios but if I heard that from a woman she would likely never hear from me again. You can move to FWB with out putting the other person down and making them feel like your happy to use them for sex don't see them as relationship material because of their personality.

 

Based on the OP original post the easiest way to do this would be to simply say. I really enjoy hanging out and having fun with you at the moment - sex is great - but as I just came out of a long term relationship I'm looking for something a little more casual and fun. Not emotionally in the right place to get into a serious relationship. Would love to keep seeing you if your ok with it just being a casual fun and aren't looking for something more serious.

 

To the point - based soley around your own personal position and doesn't make the other person feel bad you give them props for their prowess in the bedroom. Win - Win. Most guys would give themselves a mental high five when they hear the second statement - the first statement is like a kick in the guts.

Fair point. Personally, I don't see "incompatible for a relationship" as an insult (especially when she is having sex with me), but I understand that others do. The words the OP chose and yours are much better choices to avoid hurting the man's feelings.