Does trust need to be earned? Or innocent until proven guilty?

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Hmmm.... actually I work as a litigation paralegal, and until/unless essentially mean the same thing, except the proper phrasing is "innocent UNTIL proven guilty."

 

The principle of 'innocent until proven guilty' is a legal concept which guarantees that the guilt of an accused person cannot be presumed.

 

Except the notion of being innocent UNTIL proven guilty is incredibly contradictory to how the courts operate today.

 

Tell me, if someone accuses you of a heinous crime, if we presume these individuals to be innocent UNTIL proven guilty, why is he/she arrested with no evidence other than an arbitrary claim?

 

And worse yet, what happens if there is NO evidence? Do we then sway the jury based on how persuasive you are, not based on the actual facts of the case, or the bad reputation that preceded the arrest?

 

Evidence of this is shown through ANY high profile cases and how they handle their publicity. They have to keep it out of the spotlight in some of these HUGE cases (piratebay anyone?) because of the context of the case and how misconstrued facts can get when viewed by people who are, unfortunately, misinformed. Once the media gets a whiff of it....or worse yet, some satirical site that people mistake to be true news.... (onion anyone?)

 

I find the whole system a complete contradiction!

[SammySammy]

Trust is given, not earned. Innocent until proven guilty.

 

If a person has to earn your trust, then you don't trust them. Before they have "earned" it, you distrust them. After they have "earned" it, you simply believe them. Neither is trust.

 

Trusting someone does not mean you're naive. Doesn't mean you aren't wary or watchful. It just means you give them the benefit of doubt until you have reason to not trust them.

[Sunkissedpatio]

The main reason I don't believe in trusting until someone gives you a reason not to is because trust is an all or nothing thing. Can trust always exist or is an ebbs and flow thing?

 

If you trust someone you would never second guess anything they say or do because you trust them. Isn't the act of second guessing someone not trusting them? So how would you ever get to a point of "I've been given a reason not to?"

[aileD]

It's really sad to say this....but I think if you've been burned once then unfortunately, everyone after that doesn't get the benefit of the doubt.

 

Even though it's not fair ...it's you, not them

[Hopeful30]

Becoming jaded and distrustful of everyone or men or women means that a person has allowed themselves to be shaped in an unhealthy way.

 

That's incredibly generalizing. You can't be responsible for traumatic experiences shaping you in a negative way. That's why it's called trauma. We can't possibly 'decide' how an experience shapes us. I understand what you mean, we can choose to see things positively or negatively. But there are some circumstances that can really wound a person, and those wounds might take longer to heal.

[Redhead14]

That's incredibly generalizing. You can't be responsible for traumatic experiences shaping you in a negative way. That's why it's called trauma. We can't possibly 'decide' how an experience shapes us. I understand what you mean, we can choose to see things positively or negatively. But there are some circumstances that can really wound a person, and those wounds might take longer to heal.

 

You are correct, a child is not and cannot be responsible for traumatic experiences that affect them negatively. That is an entirely different discussion, however, I can tell you that those children/people can and do have the ability in adulthood to deal with those issues in a responsible way and lead healthy emotional lives if they get/seek the proper support. I am living proof of that scenario.

 

In terms of allowing, I was thinking more about adults who experience bad relationships, break ups, etc. Instead of allowing themselves to process and get over these things and actually move back into a healthy frame of mind and focused on themselves and repairing esteem, they adopt a jaded attitude, etc. and project from there on out.

 

This discussion has become more complicated than the start of the thread, so I'll just say again, that the healthy way to manage trust is to start with a baseline/level point for each new person.

[joseb]

It's really sad to say this....but I think if you've been burned once then unfortunately, everyone after that doesn't get the benefit of the doubt.

 

Even though it's not fair ...it's you, not them

 

I disagree. I've been badly cheated on, but I never assume anyone I'm dating now is going to do the same.

Sure they might, and if they do then that will be that. But worrying about it or assuming they are going to do it is not going to help one bit.