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10 days before our anniversary. My girlfriend left me. I don't know what to think.

Taylorbob

By Taylorbob
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Taylorbob New Member

Taylorbob

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First off i'd like to say that my mind is completely mushed up at the moment so my thoughts, Grammar and spelling might be off. I think i'll go over everything in a story and at the end ask the questions on what i really need advice on. But i hope you'll read all of it because its quite complicated and i can't sum it up well enough in the title

 

How we met

Really Weird story. I play a lot of online games and have a good group of friends on there. I was visiting a couple of them who live about a 3 hour train journey away and was staying at their house. On the 2nd last night there. We went to a fancy dress house party. Which was awesome. I also found out that the host of the party the day before had sex with this dude. So i thought she was pretty easy. So i talked to her. We went to her room and we did it.

 

However this wasn't really like anything i felt before. We finished. Then we talked, butt naked on top of each other for hours just talking about random ****. She also cried a little bit on my shoulder because she explained that last night was her boyfriend from ages ago saying that he misses her and said loads of things just to sleep with her. I ending up staying the night and spent the day after together. I went home and we arranged to meet up again. Which then she turned into my girlfriend.

 

In essence. I thought she was easy. I was a rebound. We ending up being together for almost a year.

 

Start of the relationship

Honestly. I wasn't a good boyfriend. I was very blunt. Not very caring and not putting her first. This was due to me being very scared about entering a relationship after the hurt of my last one. I don't think i was a nice person. I don't think i was good to her... and she was bloody crazy about me.

 

To add insult to injury (if thats the phrase) i didn't know about her mental health. She has a kind of bipolar (can't remember the exact name) but it means that her behavior fluctuates and can honestly go from the most loving person to the world to being an empty shell. She was also suffering from depression at the time. She told me. She went to a clinic who gave her some medication. But that worsened her condition and she tried to take her life.

 

The Change

Honestly i don't know why my behavior for the first month or two of our relationship was so bad and i regret it to this day. Seeing her like that... broken and scarred. Words can't explain how much it hit me that i really cared about this women. I was crazy about her anyway sexually and as like her being a crush. But at that moment i just knew i really cared about this women and i don't want this to happen to her ever again.

 

The Best period of my life

I don't want to be corny. But honestly this was the best time of my life. I made sure that she knew how much i cared about her and everything in my opinion was great. I think the only arguments we ever had were small bickering in what we wanted to do on a certain day. Apart from that everything was great. I loved her and she loved me. We told eachother everything and we just became a huge part of eachothers lifes.

 

I've been with people before. But i've never felt this way in all my life about anyone else but her. It wasn't like what i've felt before. I felt happy without circumstance. I wanted to put her first and i wanted to go out of my way to make someone else happy regardless of a reward or recognition.

 

We saw eachother pretty much every other weekend. From Thursday-Sunday i was able to stay at her house since my job is mainly computer based and she was in her last year of university. We talked a lot about moving in together afterwards since we seems to live together really well. Because i essentially lived there anyway.

 

We also talked. Like a lot of people do with their partner

 

Unfortunately this amazing 8 month period i didn't last

 

The Beginning of the end

I started noticing some changes in our relationship. she started to be talking to me less. We didn't have as much sex and there was more bickering about what we wanted to do.

 

Even though this was only slight and i noticed the just her mannerisms were slipping again. I was fearing that the depression is starting to come back. She was moving away from be while being so close at the same time.

 

About a month ago she said we needed a break. She said she feels empty about everything. Nothing is grasping her and she almost feels like shes floating away from everything and everyone. she didn't know if she was with me because she wanted me (because she loved me) or was with me because she new that i would be there for her (the safe option basically) So i agreed with her and we had a break. but it only lasted under a week and she said she loved me and knew she wanted to be with me.

 

The end

With all that happened i knew that her depression came back and its ****ing scared me so much. I pretty much knew that this could be the end of our relationship. I tried to do more things with her. Prevent bickering and generally try to make memories with each other.

 

2 weeks ago she said she didn't know how much longer this relationship would last. She was feeling very empty and knew it was taking its toll on me. I told her we'd get through this and be stronger on the other end. I went to her house last week and i did nothing but try to show her i loved her. So much cuddling. We went out for dinner. I said everything that i felt about her. It was our anniversary in about 10 days. so we organised to come to mine the week after and i planned something that i thought would really reignite her.

 

We were going out to this quite normal boring thing with my dad. But before we went out and she was getting ready. I was making the table in the conservatory filled with candles and roses and had the Chinese (food) we loved prepare some stuff for us. My neighbor was going to collect our food. Light the candles on the table and lay everything out ready for when we're back. We would of eaten and i was going to give her this ring i got her. Not the most expensive thing. but i saved a good while for it. I also had a number of pictures of us around this time last year when we first got together.

 

Couple days ago. She said it wasn't going to work. She didn't feel the spark anymore. Or the spark for anything really. She wanted to be on her own for a while. I asked her if there was nothing i could do to at least make you come over for the weekend. She said no. Thanked me for everything over the year and we said our goodbyes.

 

I don't think i've felt this way in all my life. I was abused by my dad as a kid. Bullied in school. Went through a rather hard relationship before hand. But nothing comes close to what i'm feeling now. I'm completely broken. We haven't blocked eachother on anything. Because we know that we are here if we need eachother.

 

How i'm feeling

I don't know. a part of me feels like i've been too nice in a way. I feel like i've spent so much time trying to make her happy that its became not a challenge for her anymore. Its nothing that excites her and keeps her on her toes.

 

But the other part of me is that this isn't her at the moment. She's had phases of this for like a couple days or so because that what her bipolar works like. I think that the depression has made her bipolar twice as worse as i've ever seen it and she'll snap out of it sometime. Weather that makes her want to be back with me i'm not sure. But i don't think this is really what she wants right now.

 

I miss her. Literally nothing else i could say really puts in everything of how i feel. I miss her. I miss my girlfriend.

 

The end?

Because a lot of me thinks this is just how she is feeling at the moment and it will pass. I have reason to believe that in a week or two or even a month or so down the line she'll feel regretful and want to get back with me. I won't be waiting on her. I won't be hoping for this to happen. As much as i'd like it to. But its a possibility all the same.

 

If she truly wants to 'find herself/be herself' then i have nothing but respect for her and if she sees it in herself that she wants to be with me. Then nothing would make me happier.

 

I'm good friends with a lot of her friends and probably her closest friend. I've asked them all to make sure she's okay. but i've also asked them to notify me if shes been doing stuff with other guys. This is so if she does say she wants to be with me and she has been with other people. Its pretty much certain that i will be saying no since i would of lost a lot of respect for her. It would also make me pretty angry. and anger is normally a way to quicken getting over somebody.

 

She messaged me yesterday. Just asking for her hoodie back. As much as it pains me because it's the only thing besides pictures i have of hers. I don't even wear it. but i wanted it because it was hers. But of course i'm going to send it there soon.

 

Help me out

Honestly. this is the part which probably means the most. But i have a number of questions that i would really like your advice and guidance on. The first part will be bullet pointed because they are fairly straight forward.

 

  • If she got back to me with small talk sometime in the near future. What should i do?
  • If she got back to me in the near future asking to try again and she's not been with anyone else. What should i do?
  • If she doesn't say anything to me. Should i say something to her? or just not say anything?
  • I've sold the ring. But should i give her the old pictures? When?
  • What should i be doing right now besides getting on with life? (getting over techniques)
  • should i get rid of, give back, Burn anything to do with her?

 

My main questions are really. Regardless of us being together. I was going to see my mates at Halloween again to hang out and go to a party. Like the year before. Should i tell her i'm there? how would i tell her? What would i even do if i met her?

 

My other question is with the hoodie. When sending it back. I was planning to ether put the oldest picture of us two together. Which is pretty much this time last year, or a little note she left in my pocket one time which i've kept. I thought it might of triggered some emotions. But mostly because i can't bear to look at them anymore.

 

Conclusion

Honestly guys i'm bloody lost. If you've read this far i have nothing but thanks. if you could leave your advice it would mean the world to me.

  • Like 1
bummer Established Member

bummer

Posted
Posted (edited)

 

  • If she got back to me with small talk sometime in the near future. What should i do?
  • If she got back to me in the near future asking to try again and she's not been with anyone else. What should i do?
  • If she doesn't say anything to me. Should i say something to her? or just not say anything?
  • I've sold the ring. But should i give her the old pictures? When?
  • What should i be doing right now besides getting on with life? (getting over techniques)
  • should i get rid of, give back, Burn anything to do with her?

 

My main questions are really. Regardless of us being together. I was going to see my mates at Halloween again to hang out and go to a party. Like the year before. Should i tell her i'm there? how would i tell her? What would i even do if i met her?

 

My other question is with the hoodie. When sending it back. I was planning to ether put the oldest picture of us two together. Which is pretty much this time last year, or a little note she left in my pocket one time which i've kept. I thought it might of triggered some emotions. But mostly because i can't bear to look at them anymore.

 

Conclusion

Honestly guys i'm bloody lost. If you've read this far i have nothing but thanks. if you could leave your advice it would mean the world to me.

 

Read more on here. Read this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/470829-all-new-2014-no-contact-guide

 

1. Remain NC

2. She won't. Don't worry.

3. Remain NC. Say nothing.

4. Burn 'em. She doesn't care, promise.

5. Read the NC guide. Go work out. Get some sun. don't drink too much.

6. burn it.

 

Don't tell her where you are for halloween. enjoy your friends. If you meet her and her new guy say hi and nice to see you. then enjoy your friends.

 

Put both things in the hoodie or whatever you dont want as sad mementos and ship it out today. Burn the rest. You'll regret giving away your memories but thats all they are anymore and they do you NO GOOD moving forward.

 

 

All her talk of feeling empty, finding herself, etc are just soft let-downs for you. It's like killing something by slowly sticking the knife in, or like boiling a lobster. Now you're left confused and clinging to hope where this is none. As for her friends, unfriend them, unfollow, block, and stop answering. You're foolish to want to know when she hooks up with someone else. It's already happened. And you don't need to know. Read the NC guide. Also, you sound like a "fixer." Remember her issues are her's now.

 

Lastly, she was rebounding and "easy" as you put it. You can't put too much stock in something you admit was fleeting at best, despite your emotions.

 

Go work out.

Edited by bummer
BluesPower Established Member

BluesPower

Posted
Posted

Dude, you cannot fix crazy. Dealing with someone who is bi-polar is literally one of the hardest things you can do it life. Trust me on this, I have lived it.

 

The other thing is that you are totally codependent with her and you suffer from white knight syndrome. Google them you will see.

 

You are pretty young and you really don't want to get involved with someone that has these conditions. I may not be your choice anyway, it sounds like she has a new white night. Oh, and her friends will not tell you when she starts sleeping with someone else, and understand that she already has been. You slept with her the first night you met.

 

She is using men like you and sex to mask the pain that she has deep inside her. It is a pain that you can never take away. Only she can, and only when she starts to get more mentally stable. With this type of illness therapy is a continuous must, and meds have to be adjusted all the time.

 

As much as you love her, you will never be able to fix her.

 

It is time to move on and find a healthy woman for yourself. Relationships are hard enough without one of the partners having a handicap like this.

 

You will be better off moving on...

Mittens Established Member

Mittens

Posted
Posted
Dude, you cannot fix crazy. Dealing with someone who is bi-polar is literally one of the hardest things you can do it life. Trust me on this, I have lived it.

 

The other thing is that you are totally codependent with her and you suffer from white knight syndrome. Google them you will see.

 

You are pretty young and you really don't want to get involved with someone that has these conditions. I may not be your choice anyway, it sounds like she has a new white night. Oh, and her friends will not tell you when she starts sleeping with someone else, and understand that she already has been. You slept with her the first night you met.

 

She is using men like you and sex to mask the pain that she has deep inside her. It is a pain that you can never take away. Only she can, and only when she starts to get more mentally stable. With this type of illness therapy is a continuous must, and meds have to be adjusted all the time.

 

As much as you love her, you will never be able to fix her.

 

It is time to move on and find a healthy woman for yourself. Relationships are hard enough without one of the partners having a handicap like this.

 

You will be better off moving on...

 

As a bipolar woman that has been in a relationship for 7 years, I find a lot of the above post deeply offensive. Are you honestly saying that bipolar people don't deserve to have relationships because they aren't 'healthy'?

 

Usually I would say that I hope you never have any sort of 'handicap' that you can't control or change come into your life. But I actually hope you do and find out how it feels to be rejected out of hand...

lightfoot Member

lightfoot

Posted
Posted (edited)

Bipolar or not, your ex seems to exemplify most girls under 40 these days.

 

Beginning... Climax... End. All within a year, or a couple.

 

I've had this happen to me so many times that I've quit the market, and become a big closet misogynist unfortunately. :D

 

If you listen to say, Corey Wayne, he says guys shouldn't try to do relationships in the first place. Girls are very resistant to being "locked down" in something official. (I think it's because they're picky with their men and don't want to "settle" for an average guy.) All you have to do is "hang out, have fun, hook up, repeat." Don't worry about the status or label of whatever you've doing; just let the girl call and pursue. By remaining elusive and rewarding the girl intermittently with your exciting attention, you keep her interested. You can do this with more than one girl, since you aren't officially dating anyone, until you make up your mind about someone after some time. This makes you seem more valuable/more in demand, and jealousy is a good motivator. What can I say... It seems to work a lot more effectively than trying to lock 'em down.

 

I don't mean to offend anybody with this.

Edited by lightfoot
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Taylorbob New Member

Taylorbob

Posted
  • Author
Posted
As a bipolar woman that has been in a relationship for 7 years

 

Since you have bipolar i have to ask. Have you ever felt like the way i've described with your partner? Did you have to take space apart? How was it fixed?

whatnot Established Member

whatnot

Posted
Posted

"I'll wait for you even though you don't want to be with me. That's how much I love you!"

 

Don't hold out thinking she'll "come to her senses and return to me".

 

Unless....that's what you want to do with your life. (and I've done plenty of it myself. I just wish I had those years back now)

 

Good luck

  • Like 1
whatnot Established Member

whatnot

Posted
Posted (edited)

Oh, to answer your real question...."Will she ever come to me and stay with me?"

 

Not unless she becomes another person. (just an opinion, based on my experience). In my experience...once a woman says "Adios Amigo".....it's the beginning of the end.

 

 

It's at that point that trust becomes an issue. If she wanted to be with you, she'd be with you. Stop trying to blame this on some "mysterious disease". She's just not into you. You said it yourself. You know it.

Edited by whatnot
BluesPower Established Member

BluesPower

Posted
Posted

Mittens, I am not saying that at all.

 

My wife is Bi-polar, I love her to death, but it is hard. Her meds are working well and she is fine. Being sober also helps. I have been married 26 years. But there was a lot of heart ache between then and now, for sure.

 

What I am saying to the OP is that this girl in not dealing with her BP very well, and you really need to think about all the complications that can be involved with something like that. Since the relationship is probably done, I would not recommend trying to get her back. At his young age it may not be something he can or wants to deal with.

 

So, I am very sorry if I have offended you about your BP. Are you doing ok with it?

  • Like 3
ChickiePops Established Member

ChickiePops

Posted
Posted
Bipolar or not, your ex seems to exemplify most girls under 40 these days.

 

Beginning... Climax... End. All within a year, or a couple.

 

I've had this happen to me so many times that I've quit the market, and become a big closet misogynist unfortunately. :D

 

If you listen to say, Corey Wayne, he says guys shouldn't try to do relationships in the first place. Girls are very resistant to being "locked down" in something official. (I think it's because they're picky with their men and don't want to "settle" for an average guy.) All you have to do is "hang out, have fun, hook up, repeat." Don't worry about the status or label of whatever you've doing; just let the girl call and pursue. By remaining elusive and rewarding the girl intermittently with your exciting attention, you keep her interested. You can do this with more than one girl, since you aren't officially dating anyone, until you make up your mind about someone after some time. This makes you seem more valuable/more in demand, and jealousy is a good motivator. What can I say... It seems to work a lot more effectively than trying to lock 'em down.

 

I don't mean to offend anybody with this.

 

How in the world do you classify your misogyny as 'in the closet' when it's on display in all its glory in this post?

 

Sucks for you..lots of us women who are under 40 are in happy relationships. If you keep getting burned then it's not them, it's you.

lightfoot Member

lightfoot

Posted
Posted (edited)

Well, as long as it's anonymous. I need to vent it somewhere. :p If I showed it in real life, even one snide comment could turn me into a hate figure. Meanwhile any extent of man-bashing is barely noticed... There's this elderly feminist professor in California (whose name I forgot) preaching in her book that the male population has to be decimated and maintained at one-tenth of the female population, and she's winning medals.

 

Many young women are in relationships, but not many stay for long -- and their behaviour in these relationships, and the fate of their average beta boyfriends, are eerily similar.

 

I used to believe I was the common denominator in all of these bad experiences, but unfortunately I'm far from an outlier. There are millions of young guys in my position.

Edited by lightfoot
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