Dating an abused girl

[Punchkick]

Hi!

 

Ill try to keep this short and sweet focusing on the main points. I am

 

generally seeking advice or similar experiences. I'm writing this on my phone so it is a little difficult. So I met a girl in mid July. Had a few dates and after awhile she expressed she wanted to be with me. Now to her, her friends and her mum whom ive all have never met yet think I am perfect. I am her in a way perfect guy.

 

She's said multiple times she knows she'll never find someone like me again. whatever. Anyway so apparently she was in a very abusive relationship for a year or so before me. From what she shared she has had to go to the hospital etc type stuff.

 

She would also say weird things when I do nice things like she was always told she wasn't pretty or worthless etc. She was very happy with me. After awhile she started not treating me the way she said she would and the way I felt I should be treated. We talked about it a lot she said she would chnage but it never did so I had no choice but to break up with her.

 

At first I was upeset and declined her friendship and her asking to maye try again. Then after awhile I expressed that I didnt want to end it but I wasnt being treated right and I missed her. She said "you wanted to be apart not me" So after awhile I said I was up for trying agian. I then a get a txt saying that as much as she wishes she can she can't because she is still bruised fromt the last one and she canr expect me to help her recover because past is past. She thouhht she was ready but she isnt and she cant make me happy she has to single and work on herself. She really likes me and misses me but she cant make anyone happy right now. Her best friend died in June and her grandma died in July.

 

 

 

This i totally understand and respect so much. I basically told her I understand and respect it and would be cutting contact. She then says "i cant.. this breaks my heart. I want our time" She then asks if i can tell her how the fire academy is going when im there I said no. I basically closed the door. But after awhile I felt I was wrong and wanted to leave the door open. So I txt her last Monday saying "I hope one day we csn work this out and I havent ruled it out yet and hope she is doing well" She responds with I am working on myself. I appreciate you not ruling it out. then small talk for a little. I ended it with I just wanted you to know its not over for me. tak care and its great you are working on yourself but dont be to hard on yourseelf.

 

 

She said I am hard on myself because I want to get better.

 

Now my main question or advice I am seeking is... Do i wait? when is it time to let go? I respect the fact she is working on herself. It shows she wants to be a better person and even possibly a better partner for me. I support her decision. But at the same token ill have to move on eventually. My personal time line is Decemeber. Ill be leaving and she knows im leaving but of course I didnt say anything about a deadline. Thoughts? Thank you

 

　

[cucumber95]

"She's said multiple times she knows she'll never find someone like me again"

 

Most of women tell this, it's because she is attracted to you at the moment, my ex-girlfriend used to say same thing to me, and also that she won't leave me...

 

Are you 100% sure that her last relationship was abusive? Do you have any proof for that? because she could be the one abusive (emotionally) in relationship. I am not saying that she is lying, but you never know.

 

If you think she is worth waiting, then you should wait, give her time. Try to check on her in 2-3 weeks? if it is same wait another few final weeks, you can't wait forever.

 

Good luck.

[whatnot]

December is 6 weeks away. You're leaving her or the area permanently in December?

 

 

My ex had been in an abusive marriage. Don't expect miracles.

 

Good luck

[Punchkick]

I am 90% sure. She's shared with me some things he's done to her. That's why she moved away etc. From what she shared with me it was pretty bad physically and emotionally. but then again she can also be abusive also. Its possible.

[Punchkick]

December is my cutt off time to let her go. I will be leaving the area as well. Traveling around the world for a month. I even find that a little long. I'm seeing another girl now but nothing serious and I won't be serious until I fully let this go.

[whatnot]

Cucumber knows.

 

I always wondered the same thing with my ex. If all of what she had said was true, I never understood how the guy could've never been arrested.

[whatnot]

December is my cutt off time to let her go. I will be leaving the area as well. Traveling around the world for a month. I even find that a little long. I'm seeing another girl now but nothing serious and I won't be serious until I fully let this go.

 

let it go. You're doing this person no favors. 6 weeks does not an abusive history heal.

[Punchkick]

I'll consider it. If we don't at least talk about stuff by December then yes I'll let it go. Thanks

[courtney_kay]

Don't put all your eggs in one basket is all I can say. I have not heard of many success stories that come from "waiting" for someone. I would cut off communication and allow yourself to get over the relationship. Give yourself time to be single and enjoy traveling around the world without the strain of a relationship back home.

[Punchkick]

Exactly. Right now it feels I shouldn't let go. It was an admirable ending but i also know waiting past a certain amount of time is useless. I left the door open which was what I wanted but if nothing by the time I leave is discussed then I use the trip to forget and move on like I did with my old ex 10 months ago. Normally I would just drop it fast but the situation is a little different which I understand she had demons to work out.

[lightfoot]

I'll bet you a thousand dollars the "abusive" ex-boyfriend is still in the picture.

 

It's best to just avoid girls like that.

[aloneinaz]

So, this was a short, 3 month relationship with an "alleged" damaged girl? Wow.. that's a LOT of drama and BS for such a short time.

 

I'm confused as to what there is to wait for? More of the same?

[Punchkick]

He is. He followed her when she moved. He's tried to talk to her but he's scared of me being a cop and 10x bigger and a fighter. But everyone and herself keeps him away but I've considered it's a possibility but I'm giving the benefit that she's smart and her herself and the people around her won't let that happen. But if that's the case then **** them both.

[Punchkick]

True it is. But I'm not head over heels but I did enjoy her as a person so I'm just giving it a fair shot. I don't want to regret either. She has to work o herself which she does and I can respect that. The wait is to see if it's worth it. While I'm. Or head over heels I still did and do enjoy the company and the relationship. Just a fair shot is all. Nothing more nothing less because when it comes down to it, truth is im not missing or losing anything in this.

[fromheart]

Dating a person who has unresolved issues from the past never works, unless they are working on theirselves and have been for a while.

 

Get involved with her again and the same thing will happen. By all means leave the door open to her, if she does indeed get better then she could make a good partner. But in the meantime, live your life and meet other people.

[Punchkick]

Well, I got a random text message from her last Sunday late night. "Hey, just thinking about you! Hope all is well." I responded with I think about you too. Always. Everything is great. And she replied back with heart emojis. I haven't put much energy into thinking about it for awhile. I have been going out with others but now she said something I think about it again. I figured I wouldn't do anything until she says something significant. I think she sent that message to feel things out. Thoughts ?

[Punchkick]

I posted a while back on the girl I was seeing. "dating an abused girl". Well I ended it for good yesterday. The last time I communicated with her was the first week of October. I basically just said that I hope we can work it out one day. I haven't attempted to talk to her since. On the 23rd she txts me around 10pm "Hey, I'm just thinking about you. Hope all is well! "

I responded. I think of you too always. and she responds with heart emojis like we used to.

 

 

After a week she txts again on Halloween the same thing " Hey, I'm just thinking about you, Have a great Halloween. So by now I'm getting a little confused. Why the contact and what does she want? So I wanted to show her I still liked her and wanted a to be with her again, I had 2 dozen roses sent to her work Tuesday morning. Of course I get txt saying it made her whole week and she appreciates the hell out of me (for some odd reason she used my entire name. (I found that funny) heart and kiss emojis.

 

 

The next morning she txts again asking my opinion on something a guy offered her and she asks if its the same thing I told her about when we were together. I was getting annoyed. I wanted to know what she wanted and I asked her to let me know when I can see her but she never answers.

 

 

I was starting to stress, feel toyed with and confused. So.. I told her its best we move on, forget and erase each other.. I feel sad.. But I think it was the right thing to do. It was making me feel more unhappy than happy. I felt I was being played and disrespected. I just wish I she told me what she wanted. Why Did you contact me again? What did you want? I wish I knew.

 

 

Any thoughts?

Edited November 4, 2016 by Punchkick