Radarsat Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 Hi there, I've been seeing this girl off an on for about 2 months...not quite. It's a long distance situation (1.5 hour one way). We stopped seeing eachtoher for a bit because she didn't think she could handle the distance. Then she reached out to me again and said she missed me and wanted to see me again. So we did. She had me come to her place, spent the night, spent the whole next day together with her, bought her a Pandora bracelet (dumb I know) cut her grass, she cooked for me, we cuddled, we talked. Then I went home before dinner since she had plans with her girl friends. I didn't hear from her all that night despite my texts. The next morning I get a text from her indicating that her ex-husband (they're separated Dec 2015) showed up on her front porch and she's all confused now and a needs space to think. Then asks me for my address. I told her not to send the bracelet back because I told her whatever happens with us I want her to have it. She said she can't keep it and she just needs some time to think. My simple question: What is going on? This is the fourth time a woman has done this to me in less than a year. I'm completely finished. Deleted all my dating apps and I'm through.
Toodaloo Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 She is dumping you. New rules for you. 1. No long distance. If they live over half an hour away they are not for you. 2. No "separated", only fully divorced, or single for over a year. (any relationships under 6 months OK but if their previous relationship was over a year and they have not been single at least a year, walk away) 3. No grand gestures. First dates are drinks in the pub. If she does not buy a round you do not take her out for dinner or even a second date 4. If she does not put the effort in with you (initiates texts, phone calls, comes to see you) then you walk away 5. Any talk of their ex other than very basic, how long were you together, when did you split up, you walk 6. Any phrases that go along the lines of "I am scared to commit", "I am damaged", "I am not sure", "I am hurting", "Please rescue me"... You run at all of those... You are falling into the trap of being the "white knight" and the "fall back guy". That is why it keeps going like this. Your choices in the women you date are to pick flakes who have issues and who are not over their ex. Distance gives them a fantastic excuse to not be able to see you. Take your time. Heal. Then come back and we will help you through. 4
Author Radarsat Posted October 11, 2016 Author Posted October 11, 2016 She is dumping you. New rules for you. 1. No long distance. If they live over half an hour away they are not for you. 2. No "separated", only fully divorced, or single for over a year. (any relationships under 6 months OK but if their previous relationship was over a year and they have not been single at least a year, walk away) 3. No grand gestures. First dates are drinks in the pub. If she does not buy a round you do not take her out for dinner or even a second date 4. If she does not put the effort in with you (initiates texts, phone calls, comes to see you) then you walk away 5. Any talk of their ex other than very basic, how long were you together, when did you split up, you walk 6. Any phrases that go along the lines of "I am scared to commit", "I am damaged", "I am not sure", "I am hurting", "Please rescue me"... You run at all of those... You are falling into the trap of being the "white knight" and the "fall back guy". That is why it keeps going like this. Your choices in the women you date are to pick flakes who have issues and who are not over their ex. Distance gives them a fantastic excuse to not be able to see you. Take your time. Heal. Then come back and we will help you through. Thanks. I suppose you're right. I should have adopted these "rules". But I'm done now. I'm just too scared to even go on a date anymore. I need to find happiness elsewhere. I just find it hard to believe that something else can replicate the feeling of being loved or loving someone. Sigh.
chphan Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 1. No long distance. If they live over half an hour away they are not for you. 2. No "separated", only fully divorced, or single for over a year. (any relationships under 6 months OK but if their previous relationship was over a year and they have not been single at least a year, walk away) 3. No grand gestures. First dates are drinks in the pub. If she does not buy a round you do not take her out for dinner or even a second date 4. If she does not put the effort in with you (initiates texts, phone calls, comes to see you) then you walk away 5. Any talk of their ex other than very basic, how long were you together, when did you split up, you walk 6. Any phrases that go along the lines of "I am scared to commit", "I am damaged", "I am not sure", "I am hurting", "Please rescue me"... You run at all of those... This should be a rule for everyone guys and girls.
smackie9 Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 It's quite possible she is still married...you have only known her for a few months, seen her only a few times, and she is over an hour away, too easy to get away with it.
Author Radarsat Posted October 11, 2016 Author Posted October 11, 2016 It's quite possible she is still married...you have only known her for a few months, seen her only a few times, and she is over an hour away, too easy to get away with it. I'd be shocked. I didn't notice anything around the house that would suggest that. And she just bought this place. I'll also lose my frigging mind if she did that.
BluesPower Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 You should not stop dating. Just get better at it. Follow those rules and you should be fine. Just don't fall in love with every woman that has sex with you. In fact, try not to fall in love for a while. See if something develops over time with a woman. Just because you fell for this one is no reason to stop seeing all woman. There are some really good ones out there. 1
Author Radarsat Posted October 11, 2016 Author Posted October 11, 2016 You should not stop dating. Just get better at it. Follow those rules and you should be fine. Just don't fall in love with every woman that has sex with you. In fact, try not to fall in love for a while. See if something develops over time with a woman. Just because you fell for this one is no reason to stop seeing all woman. There are some really good ones out there. My personality prevents me from not falling for someone I have sex with. I'm a very emotional person and I develop feelings quickly. You can't change your personality. Dating is just not good for me.
BluesPower Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 Wow, sorry to hear that. You may want to find a way to change that. Counseling or whatever. Because if you don't date you won't find anyone. That would be a lonely life for sure. Good luck... 1
Author Radarsat Posted October 11, 2016 Author Posted October 11, 2016 Wow, sorry to hear that. You may want to find a way to change that. Counseling or whatever. Because if you don't date you won't find anyone. That would be a lonely life for sure. Good luck... There's always this guy: My new hero! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Proenneke
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