dont know when's the next time to see him? [update: BF/GF but also can see others?]

[Redhead14]

and if it turns out not good, he will go away?

 

hmm well i dont know anything now.

 

 

Some new light has been shed on all this . . . I always tell women that the first time they have sex with a man, they should assume it will be a one-night stand unless and until he shows you otherwise by maintaining consistent contact and scheduling dates, etc. He is showing you that it was a one-night stand. Either he played you by saying you two were exclusive to get sex and/or he didn't enjoy it. Block and delete his number.

 

How long had you been seeing him?

[mushroomlol]

Some new light has been shed on all this . . . I always tell women that the first time they have sex with a man, they should assume it will be a one-night stand unless and until he shows you otherwise by maintaining consistent contact and scheduling dates, etc. He is showing you that it was a one-night stand. Either he played you by saying you two were exclusive to get sex and/or he didn't enjoy it. Block and delete his number.

 

How long had you been seeing him?

 

almost two months.

 

I was pretty sad until I saw your comment about 'one-night stand'. This is a very unique perspective and that actually makes me feel better now lol.

[mushroomlol]

Some new light has been shed on all this . . . I always tell women that the first time they have sex with a man, they should assume it will be a one-night stand unless and until he shows you otherwise by maintaining consistent contact and scheduling dates, etc. He is showing you that it was a one-night stand. Either he played you by saying you two were exclusive to get sex and/or he didn't enjoy it. Block and delete his number.

 

How long had you been seeing him?

 

so you think why he still sees me? last time we met he actually told me a lot about his childhood, his family, a lot of emotional/terrible moments in his life etc. I thought we bonded so well.

[Redhead14]

so you think why he still sees me? last time we met he actually told me a lot about his childhood, his family, a lot of emotional/terrible moments in his life etc. I thought we bonded so well.

 

That's hard to say. He may just be wanting a friend to talk to or he's uncertain about things, he may be dating other people too but not intimate with them. Some people will consider exclusivity as just in the sexual part and still date others casually without sex.

 

You need to communicate with him. I still think you need to communicate with him better. Talk to him.

Edited October 13, 2016 by Redhead14

[mushroomlol]

That's hard to say. He may just be wanting a friend to talk to or he's uncertain about things, he may be dating other people too but not intimate with them. Some people will consider exclusivity as just in the sexual part and still date others casually without sex.

 

You need to communicate with him. I still think you need to communicate with him better. Talk to him.

 

Ok just try not to make myself too emotional during the conversation. What should I tell him? I am usually pretty honest with my feelings but I am afraid I will scare him away.

 

Basically I want to know if he wants to meet more often. If he wants to hang out more and have fun. If he wants to be friends or dates.

[Redhead14]

Ok just try not to make myself too emotional during the conversation. What should I tell him? I am usually pretty honest with my feelings but I am afraid I will scare him away.

 

Basically I want to know if he wants to meet more often. If he wants to hang out more and have fun. If he wants to be friends or dates.

 

Be upfront without being demanding. "You know Xname, I like you and I've noticed that we aren't seeing each other as often anymore since we became exclusive. I'd really like it if we could see each other at least 2 or 3 times per week depending on our schedules in order for us to become closer and know each other better. What do you think?"

 

You've only been dating for two months, everyday might be a little too much at this point. So, if you like him enough, you need to compromise at least.

 

Exclusivity is not necessarily boyfriend and girlfriend, so everyday isn't to be expected. Find out what exclusivity means to him as well. He may see it one of the ways I described above.

[mushroomlol]

Be upfront without being demanding. "You know Xname, I like you and I've noticed that we aren't seeing each other as often anymore since we became exclusive. I'd really like it if we could see each other at least 2 or 3 times per week depending on our schedules in order for us to become closer and know each other better. What do you think?"

 

You've only been dating for two months, everyday might be a little too much at this point. So, if you like him enough, you need to compromise at least.

 

Exclusivity is not necessarily boyfriend and girlfriend, so everyday isn't to be expected. Find out what exclusivity means to him as well. He may see it one of the ways I described above.

 

Thanks! Dont know how he will respond but we will see.

 

Also a side questions...do guys care how girls dress after dating for a while? I always wear dresses when I see him. But actually I am the kind of girl that prefers jeans/jean shirts...Should I still dress up a little bit more since his interest level seems low...?

[Redhead14]

Thanks! Dont know how he will respond but we will see.

 

Also a side questions...do guys care how girls dress after dating for a while? I always wear dresses when I see him. But actually I am the kind of girl that prefers jeans/jean shirts...Should I still dress up a little bit more since his interest level seems low...?

 

Yeah, you don't know how he will respond . . . which is why you need to communicate. Be prepared to accept that he may simply not have the same preference in terms of time spent together and if he's not willing to compromise, you've just found an incompatibility between you so it probably won't work anyway. And, be prepared for him to say, he's just changed his mind. Accept it and handle that with dignity.

 

I don't think you need to wear dresses all the time. Jeans and nice shirt and shoes should be just fine. Don't show up in sweat pants and t-shirts

[Nowty V]

I would dress to make yourself feel comfortable and confident.

 

I would also check out if he is a Highly Sensitive Person [HSP], these sorts can seem 'off' when really they are just overstimulated easily and this prevents them from reacting easily and authentically.

 

I'm HSP and recently went out for the day with a girl who understands me, I was paying for us to get into a venue when the checkout person went into her promo speech for offers etc I was completely overwhelmed and said quite sternly 'can I not just pay so we can go in?'

 

I wasn't being stern or was even upset but the barrage of information and questions unnerved me, overstimulated me. I could have saved some money in the long-run if I could have kept it together to comprehend what was happening.

 

Once we entered I was unruffled and we laughed about it.

 

Society doesn't cater for the Introvert/HSP, if it did their marketing strategies could bear more fruit.

[mushroomlol]

Just a quick update-

 

we agreed to meet today since both of us didnt need to work. and i kinda have a mixed feeling about how should i face him since i dont feel like i like him anymore in the meanwhile i do wanna spend more time with him. but he just texted me in the morning saying that he suddenly got a call and have to work for the exact time that we agreed to meet.

 

So over this **** of excuses. I am ready to move on.

[LD1990]

So break it off. Why stay with someone who is only causing you frustration and confusion?

[mushroomlol]

So my BF of 3 months just told me yesterday that I have his permission to see other guys and he will probably start seeing others later. I asked why he said it would be fun.

 

Yes we have been having issues lately mainly he came in so strong in the beginning but kinda faded later. I liked him more and more but I dont feel the same way.

 

Thoughts? Maybe he just wants to break up with me but doesnt want to be the one that brings it up? Last time i tried to break up with him he actually said we should try a little bit more. I am confused.

Edited November 7, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
threads merged; title updated ~6

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I suspect he has already started seeing other people. Regardless, he has let you know exactly where he stands in the relationship. He wants you agree to be his backup which is insulting (not fun).

 

My advice would be to ditch the dead weight. He isn't worth the time or the energy.

 

You teach people how to treat you so don't put up with this kind of behavior. Have high standards because you know that is what you deserve.

[GunslingerRoland]

You get to the point where dating evolves from, going on specific dates every time you see one another to just naturally spending time together. You go out with friends together, you go to one persons house and just hang out.

 

You have to fit into each others regular lives or else it doesn't work. Real people don't have 3 free days a week in 2016.

[mushroomlol]

I suspect he has already started seeing other people. Regardless, he has let you know exactly where he stands in the relationship. He wants you agree to be his backup which is insulting (not fun).

 

My advice would be to ditch the dead weight. He isn't worth the time or the energy.

 

You teach people how to treat you so don't put up with this kind of behavior. Have high standards because you know that is what you deserve.

 

I always have the fear that I would not be able to find another person as connected as him. Thinking of him hanging out with others will make my heart hurt.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I know the thought of him being with someone else feels painful right now, but trust me, it is going to hurt so much more in the long run if you put up with this stupid arrangement.

 

You say you are afraid of not being able to find another person as connected as he is, but is that true? His actions are showing you that he doesn't feel the same connection to you. He doesn't value you.

 

There are better men out there. Please don't sell yourself short.

[Miss Peach]

It sounds to me like he's trying to downgrade you to FWB.

 

One thing I wish I would have heeded in my last relationship was that if I was having to ask so many questions like this early on and a few conversations weren't solving the issue then it's best to move on IMO.

[mushroomlol]

The whole relationship just turns so weird for me. Last time I decided to let go and told him I wanted to break up, he asked me whether we can try for another 2 weeks to see if things get better. And then he was actually more responsive and more caring. And all of a sudden when we were talking he said I can date other person. It's just so weird.