dont know when's the next time to see him? [update: BF/GF but also can see others?]

October 11, 2016

So we just got exclusive. I feel like he hasn't put in efforts to see me?? We used to meet twice/3 times per week and now down to once per week? Sometimes we didn't set the time and I will be just nervously waiting for him to reach out. That feeling sucks. I don't know what he's busy with!

He texts me everyday but still. How often do you guys meet with your BF? Who initiates it??

October 11, 2016

Talk to him!!!!!!!! communication is your only answer.

If he doesn't comply, and you feel something is up, possibly dating someone else, then just breakup with him.

I had someone that would only see me when it was convenient for him because he was busy with so much...I dumped him promptly.

October 11, 2016

If you guys are exclusive, then YOU should be setting up some dates now. If you want to see him, reach out and make plans for a date. Don't leave it all up to him to make the plans.

October 11, 2016

If you guys are exclusive, then YOU should be setting up some dates now. If you want to see him, reach out and make plans for a date. Don't leave it all up to him to make the plans.

Two things:

1. What TunaCat said. You guys are now exclusive. The pursuit phase is over in his mind - at least to some extent. It is now time for you to make the effort in a different way by being more proactive in setting times and making plans.

2. Guys - HUGE lesson here. One of the things I always did when I was dating was schedule the next date before the current date was over. Even if it was a "let's get together on Friday" type thing where the exact when and what weren't defined. Very little good can come from leaving her mind to chew on itself in limbo.

Best of luck OP

October 11, 2016

If you guys are exclusive, then YOU should be setting up some dates now. If you want to see him, reach out and make plans for a date. Don't leave it all up to him to make the plans.

I guess I think he doesn't set up dates = he doesn't want to see me, which is so weird cuz when you are finally with someone don't you wanna be with her all the time? If not, why do you need a gf?

October 11, 2016

Two things:

1. What TunaCat said. You guys are now exclusive. The pursuit phase is over in his mind - at least to some extent. It is now time for you to make the effort in a different way by being more proactive in setting times and making plans.

2. Guys - HUGE lesson here. One of the things I always did when I was dating was schedule the next date before the current date was over. Even if it was a "let's get together on Friday" type thing where the exact when and what weren't defined. Very little good can come from leaving her mind to chew on itself in limbo.

Best of luck OP

There's a few times that we agreed on meeting on that day and he either told me he was tired or he couldn't make it at the last minute. If we just started dating, I will def move on and date other guys. But since we are exclusive now?? Idk I am just confused. I mean I want to see him everyday. And texting everyday doesn't make me excited anymore. Texting without actually meeting up makes me feel like we are just friends.

Yeah I think I am being friend zoned(?)

October 11, 2016

Question: Has he planned and paid for all of the dates so far?

October 12, 2016

Question: Has he planned and paid for all of the dates so far?

We kinda planned together before. He asked me out the first date and then we just planned our next date together. Most of the time we will go Dutch on dates

October 12, 2016

There's a few times that we agreed on meeting on that day and he either told me he was tired or he couldn't make it at the last minute. If we just started dating, I will def move on and date other guys. But since we are exclusive now?? Idk I am just confused. I mean I want to see him everyday. And texting everyday doesn't make me excited anymore. Texting without actually meeting up makes me feel like we are just friends.

Yeah I think I am being friend zoned(?)

I agree that you should be reaching out and planning dates too.

However, if he still doesn't want to see you much, just end it. Being officially in a relationship doesn't mean that you can't walk away from it if it no longer meets your needs.

October 12, 2016

There's a few times that we agreed on meeting on that day and he either told me he was tired or he couldn't make it at the last minute. If we just started dating, I will def move on and date other guys. But since we are exclusive now?? Idk I am just confused. I mean I want to see him everyday. And texting everyday doesn't make me excited anymore. Texting without actually meeting up makes me feel like we are just friends.

Yeah I think I am being friend zoned(?)

He was tired? That's a weak excuse to get out of a casual date. It's an absolutely pathetic excuse to not see your girlfriend.

When I have a girlfriend I want to see her as much as possible. If I was tired, I'd drink a damn cup of coffee or just suggest something low-key. Unless this guy's day involved saving multiple people from burning buildings, he wasn't too tired, he just didn't want to see you.

October 12, 2016

I mean I want to see him everyday.

Now this is another issue. He might not have a desire to see you every single day and that's not necessarily indicative of how he feels about you. It's a possibility that your clingy-ness may have turned him off. That speaks to a compatibility issue.

He's still texting you, so all is not lost yet.

October 12, 2016

So we just got exclusive. I feel like he hasn't put in efforts to see me?? We used to meet twice/3 times per week and now down to once per week? Sometimes we didn't set the time and I will be just nervously waiting for him to reach out. That feeling sucks. I don't know what he's busy with!

He texts me everyday but still. How often do you guys meet with your BF? Who initiates it??

How long have you been dating? And, how long have you only been seeing him once per week? I mean, if it's just been the last week and he's had things going on, maybe it's just a blip.

A woman can and should do some initiating at least so the guy doesn't feel like he's doing all the "work" so to speak. And, you need to communicate with him about what you need/like in terms of spending time together. And, let him tell you what he prefers. If you're too far apart on that issue, then you might have to end things with him. In other words, if he says he's content with once per week and you want 3 or 4 or more, it's not going to work. Everyday might be a little too much right now, but certainly more than once a week. Try to work out a plan that works for both of you.

As for sitting around waiting for him to reach out and set up dates, you should explain to him that you'd like to have those days to look forward to so setting them up a little ahead of time would be nice. He might just be a last minute guy. Some people aren't good planners. But, you can set up getting together as well.

How often does he cancel at the last minute? What does he do for a living and what are his hours?

You sound very anxious about this man. You need to get this in check and be more communicative. This kind of anxiousness is going to come across as clingy and needy. You need to have a life of your own and not centered around him and sitting around worrying and wondering. If you have friends and activities, etc., you won't need to see him every day either.

October 12, 2016

Now this is another issue. He might not have a desire to see you every single day and that's not necessarily indicative of how he feels about you. It's a possibility that your clingy-ness may have turned him off. That speaks to a compatibility issue.

He's still texting you, so all is not lost yet.

I dont think i have shown much of my clingy-ness to him though. I have been fine with just texting but its more like a feeling that I have now thinking he doesnt want me as much as he did. I mean we hung out more often (2-3 times per week) before being exclusive and all of a sudden it drops to once per week (and its kinda difficult to set up the time too!).

I will talk to him again this week. But it just makes me getting tired because lately every time we met we need to talk about this preference issues. Last time we talked about how often should we text. Everytime I am content with what we have agreed on but later I can always find something else that I want from him. Ehhhhh what am i doing?!

October 12, 2016

How long have you been dating? And, how long have you only been seeing him once per week? I mean, if it's just been the last week and he's had things going on, maybe it's just a blip.

A woman can and should do some initiating at least so the guy doesn't feel like he's doing all the "work" so to speak. And, you need to communicate with him about what you need/like in terms of spending time together. And, let him tell you what he prefers. If you're too far apart on that issue, then you might have to end things with him. In other words, if he says he's content with once per week and you want 3 or 4 or more, it's not going to work. Everyday might be a little too much right now, but certainly more than once a week. Try to work out a plan that works for both of you.

As for sitting around waiting for him to reach out and set up dates, you should explain to him that you'd like to have those days to look forward to so setting them up a little ahead of time would be nice. He might just be a last minute guy. Some people aren't good planners. But, you can set up getting together as well.

How often does he cancel at the last minute? What does he do for a living and what are his hours?

You sound very anxious about this man. You need to get this in check and be more communicative. This kind of anxiousness is going to come across as clingy and needy. You need to have a life of your own and not centered around him and sitting around worrying and wondering. If you have friends and activities, etc., you won't need to see him every day either.

Hanging out with him now seems more like hanging out with friends - once a week, hold hands, and small kisses. Its just that spark seems long gone and this is pretty early in our 'relationship'!

Yeah i am busy with my life and friends etc but I just cant stop thinking about him!

October 12, 2016

Hanging out with him now seems more like hanging out with friends - once a week, hold hands, and small kisses. Its just that spark seems long gone and this is pretty early in our 'relationship'!

Yeah i am busy with my life and friends etc but I just cant stop thinking about him!

You need to step back a little bit. You can't be stressing and thinking about him all the time. He's asked for exclusivity, so you need to at least let down your guard a little bit.

Communicate with him. Initiate a little more. If you're feeling anxious and hesitant, he's going to sense that too.

If he sees you on a Saturday, say, "hey, let's do X on Tuesday" and let him respond. You want to see him a little more, so show him by doing some planning and initiating.

And, guess what, things do slow down a little after a relationship is established. It's kinda the holy grail of dating -- getting to the point where you've gotten some clarity and security by becoming exclusive instead of being in a holding pattern and holding your breath wondering, etc.

If you want more, you need to tell him/show him what you want. This will die on the vine if you are not an active participant.

Yeah, his pattern is off, but he did ask for exclusivity.

October 12, 2016

You need to step back a little bit. You can't be stressing and thinking about him all the time. He's asked for exclusivity, so you need to at least let down your guard a little bit.

Communicate with him. Initiate a little more. If you're feeling anxious and hesitant, he's going to sense that too.

If he sees you on a Saturday, say, "hey, let's do X on Tuesday" and let him respond. You want to see him a little more, so show him by doing some planning and initiating.

And, guess what, things do slow down a little after a relationship is established. It's kinda the holy grail of dating -- getting to the point where you've gotten some clarity and security by becoming exclusive instead of being in a holding pattern and holding your breath wondering, etc.

If you want more, you need to tell him/show him what you want. This will die on the vine if you are not an active participant.

Yeah, his pattern is off, but he did ask for exclusivity.

I guess I will keep trying. To make myself more active and communicate with him about what I want and what can we agree on. And hopefully it turns out OK!

It's just one day I will get tired if I still cannot feel that he is willing to invest in this relationship. But I guess that will be the time I know that I will quit! haha I am def overthinking now.

October 12, 2016

I guess I will keep trying. To make myself more active and communicate with him about what I want and what can we agree on. And hopefully it turns out OK!

It's just one day I will get tired if I still cannot feel that he is willing to invest in this relationship. But I guess that will be the time I know that I will quit! haha I am def overthinking now.

If he doesn't respond to and at least try to meet the needs you've communicated with him about, you should move on. But he needs to know first. He's not a mind-reader. If you're sitting back and accepting how he's handling things, he thinks you're OK with it. You are in the period of exclusivity now which means you need to start doing a little work. Relationships need a little work here and there from both parties.

You're operating as if you're still in the dating phase. Things are a little different now.

October 12, 2016

If he doesn't respond to and at least try to meet the needs you've communicated with him about, you should move on. But he needs to know first. He's not a mind-reader. If you're sitting back and accepting how he's handling things, he thinks you're OK with it. You are in the period of exclusivity now which means you need to start doing a little work. Relationships need a little work here and there from both parties.

You're operating as if you're still in the dating phase. Things are a little different now.

i am still thinking of being exclusive is another phase of dating. but i guess either way anyone can move on during any phase of the relationship (dating, gf/bf, marriage etc.)

also there are a lot more other issues/challenges facing us. i am not confident about this relationship from the very beginning since things have changed a lot so i guess my insecurity also gets into my way

October 12, 2016

i am still thinking of being exclusive is another phase of dating. but i guess either way anyone can move on during any phase of the relationship (dating, gf/bf, marriage etc.)

also there are a lot more other issues/challenges facing us. i am not confident about this relationship from the very beginning since things have changed a lot so i guess my insecurity also gets into my way

IT IS another stage of dating. The next period of evaluating a potential partner and focusing on each other for compatibility in all areas including --- Communication.

i am not confident about this relationship from the very beginning -- Then why did you accept exclusivity?

It still sounds to me like you want and expect him to do all the work. So, if the relationship keeps moving forward, are you just going to be riding in the backseat?

i guess my insecurity also gets into my way -- Unless this guy has done things that make you distrust him on his own merit, you are projecting from past experiences and that's not fair to him. Yeah, the pattern has changed but don't start reading his mind or assuming anything. Tell him what you want/need, be able to compromise and work out something that works for both of you.

I asked you how many weeks it's been that you've only been seeing him once a week. Like I said, if it's just been one week, no big deal.

Have you been to his house? What does he do for a living? Does he have children from a previous relationship? What are some things that may be affecting his dating schedule?

October 12, 2016

i am still thinking of being exclusive is another phase of dating. but i guess either way anyone can move on during any phase of the relationship (dating, gf/bf, marriage etc.)

also there are a lot more other issues/challenges facing us. i am not confident about this relationship from the very beginning since things have changed a lot so i guess my insecurity also gets into my way

Of course you can move on. Some of the responses you're getting seem to imply that you're obliged to work through this because you're exclusive. But I'm going to suggest that if you're finding too many incompatibilities, just jump ship. I mean, if you're finding this many now...it's only going to get worse.

Don't feel bad about having gone exclusive with him. Being exclusive simply reduces the risk of STDs. It doesn't mean that you owe him anything else.

October 13, 2016

Talk to him!!!!!!!! communication is your only answer.

If he doesn't comply, and you feel something is up, possibly dating someone else, then just breakup with him.

I had someone that would only see me when it was convenient for him because he was busy with so much...I dumped him promptly.

This would be my take. I never knew if I was setting up too many dates and appearing that I'm smothering her or appearing needy, or if I was setting too few dates and appearing not interested. Just talk to him and get to the point!

October 13, 2016

Ok vital question: how often do you have sex with him?

If your dates only include holding hands and small kisses, then he is losing interest. I don't know what makes him losing interest (are you clingy? insecure? is it really you? or maybe is it him? I don't know) but this doesn't look good at all.

October 13, 2016

Ok vital question: how often do you have sex with him?
If your dates only include holding hands and small kisses, then he is losing interest. I don't know what makes him losing interest (are you clingy? insecure? is it really you? or maybe is it him? I don't know) but this doesn't look good at all.

We had it once after we got exclusive. And it was not ideal.

Guess that's the reason.

I am starting to think that this is going to fade out anyway. He stopped texting me yesterday and hasnt reponded to my text for 2 days.

October 13, 2016

We had it once after we got exclusive. And it was not ideal.

Guess that's the reason.

I am starting to think that this is going to fade out anyway. He stopped texting me yesterday and hasnt reponded to my text for 2 days.

It sounds like he only wanted exclusivity just to have sex with you.

October 13, 2016

It sounds like he only wanted exclusivity just to have sex with you.

and if it turns out not good, he will go away?

hmm well i dont know anything now.

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dont know when's the next time to see him? [update: BF/GF but also can see others?]

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