abby_tx Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 My boyfriend is on a vacation out of country with a group of guy friends. It's been planned for months now, before we even met. At first I told him not to worry about talking to me while away, but now I'm feeling kinda sad that he hasn't texted in a day. We usually text throughout the day. His other friends are updating snapchat so I know he COULD text me. He isn't hasn't. Should I be upset or let him have his week of fun and leave him alone the whole time? FYI I have only texted him once to day I hoped he made it thete okay.
Trinity_84 Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 My boyfriend is on a vacation out of country with a group of guy friends. It's been planned for months now, before we even met. At first I told him not to worry about talking to me while away, but now I'm feeling kinda sad that he hasn't texted in a day. We usually text throughout the day. His other friends are updating snapchat so I know he COULD text me. He isn't hasn't. Should I be upset or let him have his week of fun and leave him alone the whole time? FYI I have only texted him once to day I hoped he made it thete okay. Part of me thinks you should just contact him and be like "hey I know I said I didn't need it, but I would like to hear from you while you're away, I miss you xx" And part of me is like, you keep living your life as normal and maybe he will contact you if he misses you. Honestly? If he doesn't contact you AT ALL (even though you siad it'd be OK) I'd find it a bit odd. If we miss someone, we make contact, end of story. ps: why did you tell him not to worry about contacting you? Were you trying to be the "cool" girlfriend? You need to be yourself, and honest always, if you need contact daily, say so. 1
Author abby_tx Posted October 11, 2016 Author Posted October 11, 2016 Part of me thinks you should just contact him and be like "hey I know I said I didn't need it, but I would like to hear from you while you're away, I miss you xx" And part of me is like, you keep living your life as normal and maybe he will contact you if he misses you. Honestly? If he doesn't contact you AT ALL (even though you siad it'd be OK) I'd find it a bit odd. If we miss someone, we make contact, end of story. ps: why did you tell him not to worry about contacting you? Were you trying to be the "cool" girlfriend? You need to be yourself, and honest always, if you need contact daily, say so. I didn't say it to be the cool girl. It's just what felt right when we said our goodbyes. I guess I was looking forward to doing my own thing and getting back into my routine while he was away. I didn't expect to miss him this much already. I know he's busy (and probably drunk since his friends drink a ton) but i wish he made more time to talk.
Gaeta Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 (edited) Abby: I read your last thread and your BF prioritizing his friends seems to be a recurring problem in your relationship. I also read that you are both late 20s (he is 29) and you've been dating around 6 months now. This man should have grown out of 'my friends are important' phase a long time ago. I think it's time for you to decide if this is the right man for you. He doesn't seem to be the relationship-type of man that is looking forward to build a life with a woman and start a family. You really really need to see him for who he is, he is not the man you've been looking for I am afraid. Edited October 11, 2016 by Gaeta
Els Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 How often does he go on vacations with his friends? If it's a once a year kind of thing, honestly I'd just let him be. Yes I would be concerned if he didn't text you at all in the week that he was away, but it's only been one day, right? But if you personally do need daily texts, I agree with Trinity, say so. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need.
stillafool Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 I say let him be and you have fun while he is away. He will appreciate it.
Author abby_tx Posted October 11, 2016 Author Posted October 11, 2016 Abby: I read your last thread and your BF prioritizing his friends seems to be a recurring problem in your relationship. I also read that you are both late 20s (he is 29) and you've been dating around 6 months now. This man should have grown out of 'my friends are important' phase a long time ago. I think it's time for you to decide if this is the right man for you. He doesn't seem to be the relationship-type of man that is looking forward to build a life with a woman and start a family. You really really need to see him for who he is, he is not the man you've been looking for I am afraid. I would agree if things didn't change since that post a month ago, but they have! That talk was the first I voiced my unhappiness and he was shocked as he thought I was happy with how things were. We have had a lot of solo dates, I'm not around his friends nearly as much. He's really loving and attentive. Before he left on his trip I told him I told him I could only hang out on Wednesday (he left Friday) so he rescheduled something so that could be our night. He takes a trip like this VERY rarely. This would be the second of his life leaving the country. He's also rooming with three friends, so alone time is rare. Oddly he did text JUST after I made this thread but it was just one sentence of something funny that happened. I didn't reply cause I'm annoyed he didn't ask how I was. If he doesn't try to call at least once this week I'm gonna be mad. The question is do I voice this with him or not.
Author abby_tx Posted October 11, 2016 Author Posted October 11, 2016 I say let him be and you have fun while he is away. He will appreciate it. Any time I have done this, he's come back to me with more appreciation and affectionate, so you might have something.
Author abby_tx Posted October 11, 2016 Author Posted October 11, 2016 And now I'm insecure and jealous. He got a new Facebook friend and it's some hot blonde with no mutual friends
Lansing Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 You shouldn't plan out how you are going to react to things... In my opinion.. Like, you are thinking "if he doesn't call I am going to be mad"... Maybe you should be "upset" but to be mad at him? I was dating a girl and it seemed like she had these expectations of how I should behave and that she was grading me on my behaviour. It was really frustrating as a guy because she expected me to read her mind or act a different way than what she said (i.e. don't worry about contacting me on your trip). You have one set of expectations of how HE should act but think about your own actions. You ignored his text because you were annoyed at him. Maybe if you responded he would have followed up with more conversation. It sounds like you are playing games with respect to that and using this as a test of how much he misses you/cares for you. I wouldn't think of it that way. Whether he texts you are not does NOT show how much he cares for you and wants to be with you. If you need that type of daily contact then express that to him and see how he reacts but he can't read your mind and it is only a few days away. 1
Gaeta Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 If he doesn't try to call at least once this week I'm gonna be mad. The question is do I voice this with him or not. If you are happy with your relationship then let him be. He is on vacation, you both are adults that can spend a week without each other and without texting or calling. He is in another world, time flies, he's out and about, let him be. You did tell him you were ok without texting every day so live by your words. Stop making up new rules as you go like if he doesn't call you'll be mad. How is he suppose to play your game if you don't give him the rules. All you do is set him up to disappoint you. He lost ahead of time. So what he didn't ask you how you were? He thought of something funny and he text you. Laugh back and tell him you're glad he's having fun. Stop analyzing the words he is saying or the words he is not saying. 5
PogoStick Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 Oddly he did text JUST after I made this thread but it was just one sentence of something funny that happened. I didn't reply cause I'm annoyed he didn't ask how I was. If he doesn't try to call at least once this week I'm gonna be mad. The question is do I voice this with him or not. As a man this would make me annoyed. You're already freaking out with just 1 day apart. (you should be able to handle a week without contact.) You're already making plans about what could go wrong for the next week, before they even happen. Finally, he did text just like you wanted, but you're still upset because he didn't send the correct text. That's the definition of a needy and high maintenance girl, and it's a quick route to scare a man away. 6
joseb Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 As a man this would make me annoyed. You're already freaking out with just 1 day apart. (you should be able to handle a week without contact.) You're already making plans about what could go wrong for the next week, before they even happen. Finally, he did text just like you wanted, but you're still upset because he didn't send the correct text. That's the definition of a needy and high maintenance girl, and it's a quick route to scare a man away. Honestly. If I were in his shoes, the first time out of the country in years, told no need to text, but was considerate enough to do so anyway, and my gf was angry cause I didn't ask her how she was??? Yeah I'd be re-evaluating this. That's exactly the kind of thing that drives guys nuts. 3
Shining One Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 I will never understand the logic of telling a partner it is okay to not do something and then getting upset with them for not doing the very thing I told them was okay to not do. I don't believe I'd last long in a relationship with someone who did this. 2
Author abby_tx Posted October 20, 2016 Author Posted October 20, 2016 Honestly. If I were in his shoes, the first time out of the country in years, told no need to text, but was considerate enough to do so anyway, and my gf was angry cause I didn't ask her how she was??? Yeah I'd be re-evaluating this. That's exactly the kind of thing that drives guys nuts. Yeah, I wouldn't blame you for that and I also 100% understand why it drives guys crazy. That's sorta why I posted this. I needed that reminder. He's back now and I'm VERY happy for posting this because it made me relax. He ended up calling the second or third night of his trip. He told me he missed me and I told him I missed him. That was that. 1
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