oneshotshop Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 Hi, I dated my ex for almost 2 years when she decided to break up with me. The breakup was really emotional for the both of us. She seemed incredibly upset. This was my first serious breakup and it tore me apart. We talked for a few weeks after and actually met up for coffee twice but that only delayed my healing. I decided to stop the constant contact so i could begin healing. After about 10 months later she sent me a text a day after my birthday saying "really miss you! Been thinking about you a lot lately. Let me know if you'd be interested in meeting up". I decided to text back a while after and we chatted a bit. We then left it that we were going to see one another later on this week. Honestly i'm going in with zero expectations. But i do need some guidance. What should i be doing? Should we just keep it simple and head out for some coffee and catch up? Should i bring up anything in particular and should i stay far away from relationship topics? Also, is it common for ex's to do this sort of thing to become your friend and nothing more?
basil67 Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 It's not uncommon. She may not even want to be a regular friend - perhaps just catching up to see how you're doing. 1
Author oneshotshop Posted October 11, 2016 Author Posted October 11, 2016 i would like to think that she has some sort of motive. We've met before for a coffee and i told her that just a simple meet up only makes the whole thing worse cause i start to miss her all over again. Is there a recommended approach to all this?
Trinity_84 Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 Do you see yourself getting back together and making it work this time, like for real? Have you done any positive changes in yourself (as in, changed the things you may have done wrong while in the RL)? Will having her back in your life make it better? Sometimes it's best to lay sleeping dogs lie. But only you know the true answer to these questions.
Author oneshotshop Posted October 11, 2016 Author Posted October 11, 2016 After the whole breakup my life completely changed. I got rid of some bad habits and strive to be healthy every day. I also decided to enroll into a software program at the age of 20. I feel like i am on the right path and i do hope she sees that. I do see myself making it work but i just don't know how to go about it. I want this meet up to mean something. I really do.
Ace of Pace Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 It's obvious she still has feelings for you. If you think you changed and the problems from the past relationship have been somewhat alleviated try to make an emotional connection with her. Make this a new relationship. Don't think you're continuing the old one. 1
Author oneshotshop Posted October 20, 2016 Author Posted October 20, 2016 After agreeing to meet up she said she would give me a shout soon and update me on some plans that she said she wanted to make within the week. Still no reply and its coming up to the weekend we were supposed to hangout. Should i give her a message or just leave it and forget all about it? Kinda upsets me that she would ask to hangout and then just not message me after the fact...
cucumber95 Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 I think she was checking her waters, if you still have feelings for her.... :/ Forget about her completly, it is hard but this is what you need to do, focus on yourself. Ignore her, if you don't meet this weekend, block her everywhere so she doesn't do it again. Good luck
LargoLagg Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 Why don't you just come clean? Tell her that you've been thinking about it, and you still have strong feelings for her, so if this is all about catching up and becoming friends or she wants to tell you she's getting married before you hear it somewhere else, that you're not interested. You may not get the answer you want, but you'll get the clarity you seek.
Author oneshotshop Posted October 20, 2016 Author Posted October 20, 2016 Why would she message me after so long saying are you interested in hanging out? AND say that she would think of some fun things to do and get back to me soon before the weekend? Then just go MIA and not say anything at all. Doesn't seem right. We had a good relationship and we obviously have some sort of feelings for each other.
Author oneshotshop Posted October 20, 2016 Author Posted October 20, 2016 I do not want to message her and seem desperate when she was the one saying "ill message you soon !"
basil67 Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 Why would she message me after so long saying are you interested in hanging out? AND say that she would think of some fun things to do and get back to me soon before the weekend? Then just go MIA and not say anything at all. Because she was bored. And then she got a better offer. This isn't a put-down of you. It's just the way that hanging out with the ex works.
Author oneshotshop Posted October 20, 2016 Author Posted October 20, 2016 I hate that i can't see this girl doing something like that EVER but i guess you're right...
Author oneshotshop Posted October 21, 2016 Author Posted October 21, 2016 Woke up to a text saying sorry today that she didn't get back to me. She was expecting me to respond apparently. Shes kind of playing games which is getting me a little mad but definitly attempting to keep my cool. Don't know where to go from here.
sooshi Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 You need to be straightforward with her and tell her you only want to meet up if she's interested in a reconciliation. Otherwise, you both need to go your separate ways and go no contact, because obviously reconciliation is what you want, and you're going to be hurt if it's not what she wants as well.
Author oneshotshop Posted October 21, 2016 Author Posted October 21, 2016 Whats the best way in going about that? Should i go have some lunch with her then lay down exactly how i'm feeling? Or should i just message her that?
Author oneshotshop Posted October 21, 2016 Author Posted October 21, 2016 Should i be doing this in person after we meet up or should i send that in a message? Way i see it maybe i can show her what i'm like now (cause its been so long) then be completely straightforward with her and leave the meet up on that note?
sooshi Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 No, don't wait to have lunch to tell her. Call her and tell her what you want. Be prepared that she won't reciprocate your feelings/desires. None of this "show you how I've changed" monkey business. Just tell her you want to get back together and ask her if she wants the same. If she says anything other than yes, then accept it, go no contact, and move on. You're clearly not able to be her friend. 1
LargoLagg Posted October 21, 2016 Posted October 21, 2016 No, don't wait to have lunch to tell her. Call her and tell her what you want. Be prepared that she won't reciprocate your feelings/desires. None of this "show you how I've changed" monkey business. Just tell her you want to get back together and ask her if she wants the same. If she says anything other than yes, then accept it, go no contact, and move on. You're clearly not able to be her friend.Totally agree. If you can't talk directly with this girl about this subject, then you're not ready to be with her. I understand that you're vulnerable when you do this, and you may get shot down. That's always the risk. The way to find out her intentions is to simply ask her. Go out on the limb and hand her the saw. It's the best way.
Author oneshotshop Posted October 24, 2016 Author Posted October 24, 2016 Just wanted to update this entire thing. I think everyone should note that taking advice from people must be taken with a grain of salt. Sometimes your gut feeling leads you into a direction that is truly the correct way to go. I went against the advice and went out for lunch. I knew i could handle it because i had done it once before early in the breakup. At the end of the lunch so told me she wants back in and for me to take as long as i want to decide. We talked about why we broke up in the first place and if things would be different. We also talked about what we had been doing with our lives and how we had improved them since we were together. Its a decently happy ending after all. Thanks everyone for all your input, it really did help.
Densel Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Happy for you oneshotshop. Well i think your ex ask you out for a reason. And you went along to find out the reason. Peoples advice are for reference. Ultimately it is you who knows your ex well. Congrats again.
Jersey born raised Posted October 25, 2016 Posted October 25, 2016 Why did you break-up? Was there a third party involved?
Author oneshotshop Posted October 25, 2016 Author Posted October 25, 2016 We broke up over needing to grow on our own for a while. We are both in our early 20's and i really didn't get that when it was all happening. We are meeting up again to just talk about how we are both going to make things work. If we feel like there are enough reasons then everything is a go. Craziest feeling ever guys... Really didn't think it was going to end this way.
Sweetfish Posted November 1, 2016 Posted November 1, 2016 We broke up over needing to grow on our own for a while. We are both in our early 20's and i really didn't get that when it was all happening. We are meeting up again to just talk about how we are both going to make things work. If we feel like there are enough reasons then everything is a go. Craziest feeling ever guys... Really didn't think it was going to end this way. Wish we had better details of the story
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