honeybunch2k5 Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 I really have feelings for my boyfriend, even though we haven't been dating that long. I don't know, but I just feel like he swept me off my feet despite the fact that there are things about him I don't like. Should I go ahead and tell him how I feel, or should I wait for him? I think he feels the same but he's not very vocal.
ConfusedInOC Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 Originally posted by Star Gazer I have found that holding back on saying the words has held me back emotionally. Because of that, if I thought there were things about a guy I really didn't like, thought in the back of my mind that this guy might hurt me, I kept my mouth shut. Then when he did hurt me, it didn't tear me apart. Hmm, sort of like a shield around you. For men, you say I love you AFTER she says it. For women, you say it when you feel most confident that he feels the same. What I have learned, is you better not say it TOO soon. Later is better than sooner in this case.
ConfusedInOC Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 Originally posted by Star Gazer Absolutely. I knew it! I just knew it!! They are never gonna say it first!!! I did...and got burned. Men need to make sure she's into you before they let their defenses down. Women need to make sure he's "hooked" before she says those words. It's always awkward the first time, that is for sure.
westernxer Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 I'm guilty of this, too, but I've learned to keep my mouth shut. Girls like it when guys are silent about their feelings... it gives them a reason to stick with us, so they can make us open up a little more. I've never seen a girl leave a guy over this. She may complain, but deep down she loves it.
oh_what_am_I_doing Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 I've never said it first- the guy always has. Call it a shield, call it what you want, but when the guy says it first, it's very special. Most guys don't throw those words around lightly, (unless he's just trying to get you into the sack, I suppose). Here's another reason why I wouldn't say it first: the guy I've been dating for the past month and I have been friends for a year. He told me before about his exgirlfriend who told him that she loved him, and he said that he was sorry but he couldn't say that back to her. Now I am completely phobic about receving a similar response. So I guess to make a long story short, wait for him to say it.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by Kat As soon as you feel it, say it I second that..
Merin Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Hmm.. Well My BF is one of those guys who doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve.. and although there were so many times the words were right there I swallowed them down and kept quiet, I guess out of fear of freaking him out. I remember the first time My BF said those words to me.. We were driving home one night from a night out with some friends and we were talking.. I said to him "You know I love ya" LOL the look on his face was priceless.. he said "I know you love me Merin.. and I know you already knew that I love you" I said Yes.. but for real it was more like I was reaaaaaalllyyy hoping he did! I remember him telling me "Those words scare me a lot.. being in Love scares me a lot" We had only been together for about 3 months when he told me... We've now been together for 7 months... I still love his silly ass
Zaira Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 I always wait for the guy to say it first. I won't say it back if I don't feel it though.
balletgirl Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 I agree... My b/f said those 3 words first and i waited about 3 days before telling him that i felt the same way.. For me, it was a relief that he stated what i had been feeling, but at the same time it scared me. If that makes any sense.. We had been going out for about 4 months. It was really romantic for me, and i will never forget it.. When i told him that i loved him it finally sank in that we really were in love,,, It was great, it still is... Good luck!!!
blue_eyes18 Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Well, I think some guys are just f***** up! I mean, the guy I am ga-ga over told me he loved me the other day, and then yesterday told me I am "coming on to strong" or something. Hahaha I am so done with him! I can't take anymomre of this mess that has been going on a solid year now. It's ridiculous, but back to the subject, not all guys throw those words around like he does. I have concluded he doesn't really mean them after last night what happened. GOod luck!
pearlsasinger Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Girls like it when guys are silent about their feelings... it gives them a reason to stick with us, so they can make us open up a little more. I dig it when a confidant guy gets mushy! Although I suppose there's a fine line and it can be overdone if it's too early on in the relationship. I guess everyone likes a little mystery to keep things interesting. Originally posted by balletgirl My b/f said those 3 words first and i waited about 3 days before telling him that i felt the same way.. For me, it was a relief that he stated what i had been feeling, but at the same time it scared me. If that makes any sense.. The same thing happened to me! I had been thinking it but then choked and I couldn't say it back right away! I wish I could've but at the same time it was better off that I was fully ready to say it and not just saying it because he said it.
SummerRae Posted July 12, 2005 Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC How about one who says it and means it and doesn't mess around?! Totally! In the end, I think it's all about chemistry and BOTH BEING READY for a relationship. I fu(ked up and told a guy what i was feeling too soon and I'm sure it scared him away. If I had a chance to do it over again, I would have waited till he told me. At the same time, I think things happened as they should have. He was not ready for a relationship and I SOO WAS. The flip side of it is, I’m now back to square one. A piece of my heart is gone and I have to wait until I can build it back before I will be ready again. It's something about saying those words that can really freak someone out and make the person saying it feel vulnerable. I know I have freaked out in the past when they said it too soon. I am all for saying how you feel but I don't think you necessarily have to say it the minute you feel it. After all, actions DO SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. So why not show it first until you are both sure that both are feeling it??
Uh Oh Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 I say I love you all the time over the phone in my LDR. He said he feels weird saying it over the phone but likes hearing it and will say how he feels when we are together. Is this bad?
clynn Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 Originally posted by Uh Oh I say I love you all the time over the phone in my LDR. He said he feels weird saying it over the phone but likes hearing it and will say how he feels when we are together. Is this bad? nope
Opium Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 Whe you're ready and you know the feelings are true!
CurvyGurl Posted August 11, 2005 Posted August 11, 2005 I still haven't said it. Before I met him I was adamant that women should keep their yaps SHUT. Now I want to say it so bad my head hurts.
unsafe Posted August 12, 2005 Posted August 12, 2005 I have been dating my guy for 3 months now. And no words like that have been said or mentioned or even well I think thought of on his part. I believe I am falling in love with him. but he has his guard up so I have mine so at times I feel like we will never get through the walls. But little by little I feel us letting them down. I know that I love him he told me about a month after dating that he loved me but wasn't in love with me "yet". So I guess I am just enjoying his time and company and maybe someday we will get to that place. But all relationships are different. And you can't force it. It just has to happen. I wouldn't say it first. I only said it first to one guy and it took him about a year later to tell it to me back when we weren't even dating anymore. So I wait. They eventually tell you if they really do love you. I don't believe if you are in love with someone that you can really hold that in. For a girl its hard you will find yourself slip up. I have been drunk and almost said it. because you don't care then. But I can't I have to wait. I don't want to scare him! guys seem to get scared easily by that those words. So as long as you are being kind, and sweet and lettting them know you do care if they feel that way they will tell you. And hopefully in a nice romantic way so you will always treasure it. One boyfriend of mine once told me at his 22 birthday party while he was hammered as hell. I told him to tell me tomorrow when he was sober and I would reply. he did..but it kinda sucked that he couldn't tell me before. He tried..One night in bed he said something like thats why I can't help loving you! so he warned me. But I loved him so much! anyway they will tell you..just enjoy loving and it will happen.
kanga Posted August 13, 2005 Posted August 13, 2005 do you think it's ok to say before you're an official, exclusively dating couple? i've been in this pseudo-relationship with this guy for almost a year. i found out about three months ago that the reason we're not official is because he says i have too many emotional walls still. and he's waiting for me to drop them. so i've been opening up a lot more and he'll say certain things, almost prompting me to say i love him. i can certainly see us dating for real and being a great couple. i can even see us beyond that. as he said he can also see. but i just don't feel comfortable saying "it" until or after we can be declared a real couple. but maybe that's just same kind of old-fashioned sensibility. thoughts?
BeachQueen Posted August 13, 2005 Posted August 13, 2005 do you think it's ok to say before you're an official, exclusively dating couple? No. i've been in this pseudo-relationship with this guy for almost a year. i found out about three months ago that the reason we're not official is because he says i have too many emotional walls still. and he's waiting for me to drop them. so i've been opening up a lot more and he'll say certain things, almost prompting me to say i love him. but i just don't feel comfortable saying "it" until or after we can be declared a real couple. but maybe that's just same kind of old-fashioned sensibility. I don't think it's old-fashioned at all. He wants you to drop your walls, but he's not willing to commit? Say you drop your walls and then he runs? Then what? You're left with even more walls up b/c you "let yourself" go and he still didn't commit. I definitely think that you should wait until you're an "official" couple before you express yourself (as far as love). Otherwise, what do you have to go on? "I love you as a person"? You can't truly be in love with him b/c you don't know how he is in a relationship.
kanga Posted August 13, 2005 Posted August 13, 2005 so how do i get out of this stuck point? i'm opening up more and more about all kinds of others things and he acknowledges this and says we're moving forward and things are progressing. but if it's a matter of that last thing -- which, btw, i don't know 100 percent that's what he wants me to say, but my gut says it is -- should i tell him that if it's a matter of me saying "i love you," i won't say it until/when/after we are actually dating?
BeachQueen Posted August 13, 2005 Posted August 13, 2005 If you don't think he's waiting to hear "I love you" then I wouldn't feel pressured to say those words right now. I would definitely wait until after I was in an exclusive relationship to tell someone that I love them. What exactly is it that he feels that you're holding back? What walls? Is it hard for you to open up to him or express any feelings at all? I find that hard to believe b/c you seem to want to express yourself (which is a good thing).
kanga Posted August 13, 2005 Posted August 13, 2005 Oh, I generally have trouble expressing emotions. I'm one of those bottling/repressing kind of gals. Like when something is wrong, and he knows it (or anyone does) and I'm asked "What's wrong?" My usual response is "Nothing. Everything's OK." And then I reveal nothing. Which is, of course, a bad thing. So just my general struggles with emotional openness. It's not just with him, but with everyone. We often joke that he's the girl, I'm the boy between the two of us. He's not gushy and sappy. But he's very open, honest and upfront about things. I'm one who stuffs things. Sooo....OK, maybe the first question is to ask him if he is waiting for me to say "I love you." And then if he says yes, I can say that I won't be able to do it until after we are dating. I definitely have something going on between liking him and loving him. Is there some word to describe really, really, really liking someone? Some word that happens after liking but before loving?
BeachQueen Posted August 13, 2005 Posted August 13, 2005 Sooo....OK, maybe the first question is to ask him if he is waiting for me to say "I love you." And then if he says yes, I can say that I won't be able to do it until after we are dating. I would ask him, but I wouldn't say that I was waiting until we began dating, b/c then it seems rehearsed. If you really want to tell him, then you should; personally I would just wait until we're both committed. Some word that happens after liking but before loving? Falling? I usually say I'm falling for someone right before I say I love them.
Recommended Posts