spaceraider234 Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 Over the past week my boyfriend of 4 months has become less affectionate towards me. Up until recently he's always been very affectionate and just before he started acting differently he told me he always wants to be around me and hates it when he's not and it scares him. He hasn’t been hugging me or kissing me as much as he did and because of the shift in his behaviour its caused me to feel confused and it must be showing in the way i’m acting because he keeps asking if I’m OK. The last time i said I was fine today and he said i know something is up and i said no why and he said well if you wont tell me i wont tell you why i asked and didn't speak to me on a drive home, dropped me off and left without a word and hasn't spoke to me since. It just feels different we aren't speaking as much as he is acting as if he isn't interested anymore, what could cause this change in behaviour? I'm feeling neglected and a bit confused. He talks in his sleep and about a week ago before this he said he loved me and hugged me but I don't think he knows he said it. He hasn't said it to me otherwise. I have asked him if he is OK and he says he is fine. I don't like to ask questions as he tends to get his back up and get defensive.
JewelD Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 Maybe he's just losing interest. But there is really no communication going on. You should be able to ask him what's wrong and get an answer. 1
preraph Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 People act their best early in the relationship, plus they're more excited genuinely, and then that wanes at some point and they start being themselves and that's when you get to know the real person. So the later version is the realer version between the two. That said, and given that you have said he wants to be around you ALL the time, which is extreme and probably not healthy, he may be paranoid that you are cheating. His comments about you not telling him something infer that. 1
basil67 Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 When he asked you what was bothering you, why did you lie to him and tell him that nothing is wrong? Surely it would have made more sense to say "I've noticed this change in you and it's making me feel x, y and z" 2
joseb Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 You should be able to ask him what's wrong and get an answer. Actually he asked her what was wrong and she didn't tell him. So yeah, more communication. He may not even be aware he is acting any differently. 2
Redhead14 Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 Over the past week my boyfriend of 4 months has become less affectionate towards me. Up until recently he's always been very affectionate and just before he started acting differently he told me he always wants to be around me and hates it when he's not and it scares him. He hasn’t been hugging me or kissing me as much as he did and because of the shift in his behaviour its caused me to feel confused and it must be showing in the way i’m acting because he keeps asking if I’m OK. The last time i said I was fine today and he said i know something is up and i said no why and he said well if you wont tell me i wont tell you why i asked and didn't speak to me on a drive home, dropped me off and left without a word and hasn't spoke to me since. It just feels different we aren't speaking as much as he is acting as if he isn't interested anymore, what could cause this change in behaviour? I'm feeling neglected and a bit confused. He talks in his sleep and about a week ago before this he said he loved me and hugged me but I don't think he knows he said it. He hasn't said it to me otherwise. I have asked him if he is OK and he says he is fine. I don't like to ask questions as he tends to get his back up and get defensive. He gave you an opportunity to communicate with him!!!! Besides trust, communication is the very foundation of a healthy relationship. You stonewalled him instead. I don't know how old you are, but, learn this now. Talk to each other. Do it with honesty and respect at every opportunity. I don't like to ask questions as he tends to get his back up and get defensive -- Make sure you aren't posing your questions in a negative way -- "You never do X anymore for me", "Why can't you . . . ". Being critical from the start will make anyone defensive. Try a little tenderness. Xname, I love you very much. I've always enjoyed how you . . . but lately, I've been feeling Xway and I am confused. Is there something we need to talk about or is there something you need from me? You may find out something you don't like, but that's what talking is about . . . getting to the heart of a problem and answering questions and dealing with the hard stuff when necessary.
JewelD Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 Actually he asked her what was wrong and she didn't tell him. So yeah, more communication. He may not even be aware he is acting any differently. But he refused to tell her why he had even asked even though he knows something is up. There's a lack of clear communication on both parts. 1
OnlyHonesty Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 The honeymoon period is over. There is a possibility that his infatuation stage meant that he never looked deeper at who you were as a person and what you had to offer.
Trinity_84 Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 When he asked you what was bothering you, why did you lie to him and tell him that nothing is wrong? Surely it would have made more sense to say "I've noticed this change in you and it's making me feel x, y and z" Agreed. Maybe he realized he was being a bit too clingy and decided to pull off a bit, and now to him your attitude has changed. Chicken/egg situation that could easily be solved by talking openly and honestly about each one's expectations and needs in the RL.
ChickiePops Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 I agree that you should speak up. But Have you ever heard of the rubber band theory? Guys tend to pull away every once in a while..if you let them, they'll snap back pretty quickly. Look it up. It might just be that.
joseb Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 But he refused to tell her why he had even asked even though he knows something is up. There's a lack of clear communication on both parts. True, if he was here I'd say to him to communicate more too
basil67 Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 I agree that you should speak up. But Have you ever heard of the rubber band theory? Guys tend to pull away every once in a while..if you let them, they'll snap back pretty quickly. Look it up. It might just be that. I've never had a guy who was really into me pull away. Is this *really* a thing? Or is it a way to excuse the behaviour of disinterested men? 2
Miss Peach Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 I've never had a guy who was really into me pull away. Is this *really* a thing? Or is it a way to excuse the behaviour of disinterested men? I know my XBF and my XH would withdraw from me to elicit a response. They needed it to feel reassured. Both were interested but neither was emotionally mature enough to handle adult communication.
Recommended Posts