lovesfool Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 I met a guy a couple of weeks ago on a dating app. We have gone on a 3 dates so far, and planning a 4th. He seems interested in me, but of course, we are no way a couple yet, or mutually exclusive. So a few of days ago I was on this dating app and I noticed he was no longer on it. I thought this was odd, but I figured he just deleted the app. Me, being the curious person I am, asked a friend if he was still on it. And low and behold, he was! In fact, he had blocked me. I then asked him innocently about it and he said he just deleted the app, which I knew wasn't true, but I didn't probe any further. I know it's none of my business what he does on dating apps because we're not a couple, but I thought it was strange that he would block me. If he wasn't interested, that would make sense and I'd agree with cutting all contact, but to do it while we're still dating? Could it be that he's interested in me and doesn't want me to see him still on the lookout? Or is there something I'm missing?
Fruitee Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 He dont want you to know that he is keeping his tabs open. He is lying to you. 5
courtney_kay Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 Hmm, I do know that those dating apps are not always accurate though. A lot of guys I know/have dated will delete the app, but not their account. So there is a chance that their profile will still show up even if they deleted the app because they didn't go the extra measure to completely delete their account. I guess one way to tell for sure is to have your friend swipe right (assuming you are talking about tinder or bumble) and see if he matches with them...then you will be able to tell if he is active or not. That could just be me giving this guy the benefit of the doubt, but I know that does happen quite frequently. Otherwise I don't see why he would block you if you have gone on several dates and have plans to continue it. I think if this next date goes well you should communicate with him how you are feeling and see how he is feeling and where he sees your relationship heading. It does not sound like this trust issue is a good way to start off a relationship...so hopefully he is being honest, if not that is definitely a red flag in my book.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 Personally, I wouldn't like it. You could give him the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps he has dated people in the past who have made an issue about him still being on the dating app so he is just trying to avoid the drama. However, there is no getting around the fact that what he is doing is deceptive and he blatantly lied to your face about it. He wants you to think he has stopped looking which obviously isn't true. It is shady behavior and lets you know his character early on. Think very carefully about whether you should go on another date with this guy. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 If your friend saw him online then you are being blocked and he's still "fishing." By blocking YOU, it seems that he is no longer available, but to others, of course, he still is.....1+1=2. To confirm....just have your friend check again later. 1
Author lovesfool Posted October 10, 2016 Author Posted October 10, 2016 Oh he most certainly did block me. I don't judge him for still being on a dating app, as it would be unreasonable for me to think he isn't keeping his options open. It has only been 3 dates! I am also on the app at the moment as well. Not because I don't like him or have my doubts, but just because I'm not at the point where I consider him my boyfriend. What possible reason could he have for blocking me? Unless he expects that I think he should no longer be on it. Would it be silly for me to ask him?
courtney_kay Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 I say you might as well call him out on it if you know for a fact that he blocked you. The worst that happens is he keeps lying about it and then you know for sure that he is not someone worth pursuing further.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 I say you might as well call him out on it if you know for a fact that he blocked you. The worst that happens is he keeps lying about it and then you know for sure that he is not someone worth pursuing further. Yeah, I failed to mention the obvious....he's LYING about it. He has every right to be as the two of you are not officially bf/gf, but his LYING is the kicker. I would dump his butt... 3
Author lovesfool Posted October 10, 2016 Author Posted October 10, 2016 Yeah, I failed to mention the obvious....he's LYING about it. He has every right to be as the two of you are not officially bf/gf, but his LYING is the kicker. I would dump his butt... I think a lot of people lie when they first start to date. They're usually white lies to make you look that little bit better. One guy I used to date said he only smoked socially, but then as time went on I realised he was a full time smoker! I guess he was worried that I wouldn't date him otherwise. Maybe this is the same thing? He worries that if I see him still on a dating app that I would dump him. It's just a very strange thing to lie about though!
Versacehottie Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 Oh he most certainly did block me. I don't judge him for still being on a dating app, as it would be unreasonable for me to think he isn't keeping his options open. It has only been 3 dates! I am also on the app at the moment as well. Not because I don't like him or have my doubts, but just because I'm not at the point where I consider him my boyfriend. What possible reason could he have for blocking me? Unless he expects that I think he should no longer be on it. Would it be silly for me to ask him? I think a likely scenario is that he blocked you to avoid having you see what he was doing/not doing still on the app and thus avoid drama. However, by blocking you, he is creating additional drama. And then there is just the straightforward: he wants to keep his options open, privately. Maybe you should just make it clear to him that you don't expect to be exclusive yet. The bigger concern is why invest yourself into someone who kind of goes about things backwardly or dishonestly. This type of stuff is bound to cause more problems in the future because it's how he decides to handle things. He actually may have had "decent" intentions to not have his activity on the app cause problems with you (i.e. perhaps it has before for another girl he liked and was dating) but he wasn't ready to be exclusive or stopping looking (which you feel is fair anyway at this point--it's just that how he's gone about it, creates just as many question and drama as he may have been hoping to avoid). He should also not lump all girls together as if we are all the same. For example, if he had a bad experience in the past, doesn't mean he will with you, i.e. he may have baggage! hmmmmmm
Popsicle Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 I think he blocked you and he wants you to think he's not on the app anymore because he wants YOU to follow his supposed lead and get off the app. So, maybe you should block him too and tell him that you deleted it too. See how he feels. 1
Miss Spider Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 (edited) Maybe he wants to give impression to you he has stopped using it to look better or/and as popcicle said, have you stop using it. although he is not. Regardless, he is lying and being sneaky early on = red flag. Edited October 11, 2016 by Cookiesandough
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 While the app activity at this point is fine, the lying isn't. I would decide if that's a deal breaker (it would be for me) and then with nothing left to lose, just call him out on it.
joseb Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 Once I meet someone from tinder/bumble and swap contact details, one or other of us has usually unmatched.I never thought of it as a big deal.
Fruitee Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 ^ But thats not the problem here. Problem is he lying about it. And saying that oh I forgot to delete my account I just deleted the app is oldest explanation in the book..
Gr8fuln2020 Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 I think a lot of people lie when they first start to date. They're usually white lies to make you look that little bit better. One guy I used to date said he only smoked socially, but then as time went on I realised he was a full time smoker! I guess he was worried that I wouldn't date him otherwise. Maybe this is the same thing? He worries that if I see him still on a dating app that I would dump him. It's just a very strange thing to lie about though! Oh, how versatile we have become...straight out lies to deceive, hinder, and undermine are now WHITE LIES. Soon enough, lies will no longer be lies. Ugh. Some of us tolerate too much. 1. He blocked you. 2. He not only lied to you about blocking you, BUT HE ALSO LIED by telling you that he deleted his account. Two lies in one.... 1
elaine567 Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 It was a trick designed to deceive, had you not got your friend to check, then you would have thought this guy is pretty serious about me as he has deleted the app. And 6mths, 1 year, 2 years later.. you are in deep, and he is still on the app chatting to women... 1
Author lovesfool Posted October 11, 2016 Author Posted October 11, 2016 I can understand where you are all coming from, but I've made this mistake in the past, making a big issue of an innocuous thing! I see a number of explanations: 1. He likes me, but is keeping his options open. Blocks me because he doesn't want to think he's not interested. Lies about it because he would think it would make him look bad. 2. He likes me, but not in a serious way. Blocks me because he wants to play the field and enjoy himself. Lies about it because it lets him continue to play the field. 3. He is only after sex. Blocks me because he doesn't want any relationship drama if I see him on a dating app. Lies about it because he doesn't care. I am not trying to be naive here, and I am listening to your advice, but it seems to me that he has gone for option 1, and it just seems to have backfired (without him knowing yet). If I confront him it might seem I'm a stalker trying to find out if he's still on a dating app, and I don't think I have any right to do so. It's his life, he's entitled to continue dating others as we're not exclusive. Okay, so lying is never a nice thing, but I figure he's being backed into a corner (by his own doing). I just don't want to break up over something so silly, nor do I want to overlook worrying signals! It's so hard to know what to think of this.
Fruitee Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 Lying is bad. Youre already making excuses for him. 2
Zahara Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 2 weeks and 3 dates in already grappling with lies. SMH.
Miss Peach Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 Yeah, I failed to mention the obvious....he's LYING about it. He has every right to be as the two of you are not officially bf/gf, but his LYING is the kicker. I would dump his butt... Same here. If we aren't exclusive I really don't care if he's still checking out his options (though if you really like him I can understand wanting signs whether he's serious). The kicked for me would be he lied to you and that would be ground for me not to trust him and dump him over it. 1
Author lovesfool Posted October 11, 2016 Author Posted October 11, 2016 Lying is bad. Youre already making excuses for him. 2 weeks and 3 dates in already grappling with lies. SMH. Okay, at first I thought I was being naive, but maybe some of you are as well! To think that no one lies when first starting to date is foolish. Everyone does it! It can be as simple as "I go jogging 5 times a week" when really you're lucky to go once. "I like my job" when you dread to go to work every day. They are lies, but you don't mean anything sinister by it. Telling the truth would make a bad early impression. I could put it another way. What if you went on a date with a guy, then later that week a different guy. Guy number 1 then asks you on your second date "have you been on a date with anyone else?". It would really hurt your chances if you told the truth here. Being honest about certain things isn't the wisest decision early on in a relationship. It's not like he's hiding a wife! I know I sound like I'm defending him, but I'm really just trying to see it from his perspective. I could imagine myself doing something silly like that in the early dating period. You could actually say I did - afterall I did kind of stalk him by getting my friend to see if he was still active on the dating app!
Miss Spider Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 (edited) I can understand where you are all coming from, but I've made this mistake in the past, making a big issue of an innocuous thing! I see a number of explanations: 1. He likes me, but is keeping his options open. Blocks me because he doesn't want to think he's not interested. Lies about it because he would think it would make him look bad. 2. He likes me, but not in a serious way. Blocks me because he wants to play the field and enjoy himself. Lies about it because it lets him continue to play the field. 3. He is only after sex. Blocks me because he doesn't want any relationship drama if I see him on a dating app. Lies about it because he doesn't care. I am not trying to be naive here, and I am listening to your advice, but it seems to me that he has gone for option 1, and it just seems to have backfired (without him knowing yet). If I confront him it might seem I'm a stalker trying to find out if he's still on a dating app, and I don't think I have any right to do so. It's his life, he's entitled to continue dating others as we're not exclusive. Okay, so lying is never a nice thing, but I figure he's being backed into a corner (by his own doing). I just don't want to break up over something so silly, nor do I want to overlook worrying signals! It's so hard to know what to think of this. Lying to you about something like this is a worrying signal. Not only is he lying, he's pulling these sneaky maneuvers to cover it up.. What makes you think he'd stop there? Take the risk, but later down the road when he continues checking for or sleeping with other women and lying, be prepared to make similar excuses and don't say we didn't warn you Edited October 11, 2016 by Cookiesandough
lolablue17 Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 (edited) When I was younger, i've never agreed to date any girl who was "keeping her options open" while dating me. NEVER! After the the first date, if she was interested enough to continue, it's only me, or nothing. All of them were girls I met first in person like at work, or university and not through any online services. In occasions i found out she was keeping her options, I cut my self immediately from being in any kind of contact, with very little explanations. The thing is I have never announced it. I thought it's obvious, and i wanted girls who thought it's obvious too... This rule may sound odd to the young generation, but it surely solves most of these problems or misunderstandings. I think when you're interested in a new girl, you better be focused only on her, because if you look to the side, around the corner, or over the shoulder to see if there are other options, then you're missing the whole point. Edited October 11, 2016 by lolablue17 2
joseb Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 Okay, at first I thought I was being naive, but maybe some of you are as well! To think that no one lies when first starting to date is foolish. Everyone does it! It can be as simple as "I go jogging 5 times a week" when really you're lucky to go once. "I like my job" when you dread to go to work every day. They are lies, but you don't mean anything sinister by it. Telling the truth would make a bad early impression. I could put it another way. What if you went on a date with a guy, then later that week a different guy. Guy number 1 then asks you on your second date "have you been on a date with anyone else?". It would really hurt your chances if you told the truth here. Being honest about certain things isn't the wisest decision early on in a relationship. It's not like he's hiding a wife! I know I sound like I'm defending him, but I'm really just trying to see it from his perspective. I could imagine myself doing something silly like that in the early dating period. You could actually say I did - afterall I did kind of stalk him by getting my friend to see if he was still active on the dating app! I agree with you op. Everyone lies every day, we just don't realise it. I just did. Someone asked How are you? Great (Im not, I'm sick, but don't want to go into details) Personally I'd make a mental note of it in case it's a pattern and continue on. It's only been a couple of dates. 1
Recommended Posts