Fallen_Angel Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 I've come to the conclusion that I will soon have to stop posting these sorts of threads, because I'll keep getting the same advice and people will think I'm some sort of halfwit for not following through. My ex called me last Tuesday (he had said he would). Our conversation was pretty short, and before he hung up the phone I was under the impression he was trying to bail before I got upset again. He also claimed he would call me over the weekend - which he didn't. I wasn't expecting him to, but whatever. This past Tuesday he left me an IM, which surprised me because I haven't seen him online in months. I'm assuming either he started using a different name, or blocked me or something similar to avoid seeing me online, but yes this is only an assumption because I'm not about to ask him. I called and left a message on his cell phone Tuesday night, which of course was against my better judgment. I was feeling pretty crappy, though, because holiday weekends just aren't fun anymore without him. I've given up hope that things will ever go back to the way they were - not meaning I'd be opposed to him suddenly changing his mind, but I've more or less come to terms with the reality that the odds are it WON'T happen. Last night I went to the movies with some people from work and when I got home I was upset again. I heard a song that made me think of him, so I ranted a bit - "I deserve better than that @$$hole!" and the like - which helped. But then he called. We shared a few tales about recent goings-on. He started to tell me about a minor car accident he'd had a few weeks back (which he thought he'd already told me about), and I told him about a recent triumph at my new job...and then I told him I missed having him to tell all these stories to; when he mentioned the car accident he seemed under the impression he'd told me about it before, and I quickly interjected and told him no, because we don't talk like we used to. I told him I felt weird about calling him because I felt it wasn't in my best interest to do so. I should reiterate that when we broke up, he told me several times he wanted to help me deal with everything. I know such a line is just bs, but I know what he means - he does care about me in some way and wants to stay friends. So after I admitted I missed talking to him, he told me to call him whenever I wanted. In fact he repeated this several times! "Seriously...just call me whenever...you know, not like 4 times a day, but a few times a week..." and so on. He said he'd call me early next week if he doesn't hear from me first. In addition, he said he wants to see me sometime next month. I laughed and said "well today's only the 7th, so August is a ways off!" You know what he said in response? HE'S not ready to see me. Yes, that's what he said. But HE is the one who initiated the breakup! HE had the luxury of knowing what was going to happen, of having time to get used to the idea! And HE'S not ready?! Granted, I know I'm not ready either, but I don't know if I'll ever truly be. I even said "good night sweetie" before he hung up. Such a force of habit, I tell you. The words literally fell out of my mouth before I could do anything about it. At least I didn't say the L word. I know I don't have a real question here, because I know what the answer is: don't talk to him, don't call him, yada yada yada. I only wish it was that simple.
pippen_2k Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 I wouldnt let it worry you too much! Id say 95% of the people in here know what they should be doing to heal themselves and move on, but its just so easy to fall into bad habbits. We all know we shouldnt be talking to our ex's and so on, but we all do it..... Im kinda like you too.. Im just tired of updating my thread and asking for help, cause im kinda embarrased these days to do so.. I have all the answers and I know what to do, its just weather I wanna keep beating myself up and hurting... You will soon get very tired of it and you will just stop doing it. Take Care
smile95 Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 Im kinda like you too.. Im just tired of updating my thread and asking for help, cause im kinda embarrased these days to do so.. I have all the answers and I know what to do, its just weather I wanna keep beating myself up and hurting... I've come to the conclusion that I will soon have to stop posting these sorts of threads, because I'll keep getting the same advice and people will think I'm some sort of halfwit for not following through. We are all guilty of this!!! Me especially!!!We can take the advice and learn, but in the end we have to do what is right for us. It is soooo helpful to hear opinions, but no one knows us and our guys/ex-guys like we do. I think we follow our hearts a little too much sometimes. Just do what makes you happy. I am starting to realize(as many have told me) that I cannot be happy til I am happy alone. It is so true. I am working on me.....but I still have questions....as you can tell from my posts.... Fallen Angel.......do what makes you happy....if you are like me, I would get my hopes up after that conversation....just keep your head on straight and take it day by day.
Recommended Posts