Redhead14 Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 Offering friendship to someone you know has stronger feelings/intentions is actually disrespectful . . . it's feeding them breadcrumbs . . . a consolation prize. It's kinda like going on those time-share tours. You spend the afternoon checking out the time-share complex, they take you back to the office for the hard-sell and when you don't bite, they show you out the back door and hand you a 3" TV that doesn't work anyway . . . 1
Lansing Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 I agree with others. Don't break up with someone hoping they will "fight for you" to prove that they have genuine feelings for you... I had a girl break up with me.. We were having a conversation and I said something like "okay, I understand where you are coming from, I will work harder on those things"... and then I kind of got the sense she wasn't happy by what I said so I said "unless you want to end things now" ... and she did... I definitely wasn't going to chase her after that. I acknowledged what she said, was willing to work on the issue but she was ready to give up. She contacted me after and apologised but I never made an effort to date her again after that because I had no plan to chase her. If she had said she wanted to try again I may have cautiously given it another shot. I also felt the pressure of "where are things"... "where are we" ... "where is this going" at early stages and I didn't like it. I felt that she was more into the idea of the relationship vs. getting to really know me. So, I can relate to you on both sides of your story. Having said that, it does sound to me that you reacted out of fear. If you were worried he just wanted sex and that is why he kept inviting you over you could have made it clear that you didn't want to spend time at his place for a while as you weren't comfortable with that. Or, you could have gone to his place letting him know things weren't going to proceed physically and you could have drawn the line on that. I was dating another girl and wanted her to come over to my place so I could cook for her, we could just hang out/relax but she always had an excuse. It made me feel like she wasn't interested not because I felt like things were not proceeding physically but because she didn't trust me enough that I wouldn't try anything if she didn't want that to happen. 2
Vado Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 If you tell someone you're leaving, whether it's romantic or work-related, you shouldn't do it just to get a reaction from them. When it's romantic, it's cruel and manipulative. When it's work-related it's just plain stupid. Why would you pretend to quit your job? That's a great way to get yourself fired..just like rejecting someone romantically is a great way to stop dating someone you weren't interested in to begin with without a messy split. It's f***ed up to mess with someone you're not into just to get attention. The one time I quit a job, I was most definitely NOT hoping to hear my boss beg me to stay. I just wanted out. I think you read to much between the lines. I didn't write about 'pretending'. You might really like your job, but go work somewhere else for whatever the reason might be. Don't you hope they miss you? Back to dating. Let's say you tell your date / girl- or boyfriend you break up and he/she says: 'Alright, no big deal, bye'
ChickiePops Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 I think you read to much between the lines. I didn't write about 'pretending'. You might really like your job, but go work somewhere else for whatever the reason might be. Don't you hope they miss you? Back to dating. Let's say you tell your date / girl- or boyfriend you break up and he/she says: 'Alright, no big deal, bye' When I leave a job, it's because I'm going somewhere better. When I break up with someone, it's because the relationship is not working out. If someone misses me, I feel sad that they miss me..their ill feelings don't make me happy. Besides, the point is that the OP is disgruntled that a guy she's not interested in isn't chasing her. He was obviously interested in her..what kind of a person takes pleasure in someone else's pain? It would be cruel to string him along and make him think he has a shot just to give yourself an ego boost. I'm glad she dumped him when she did..she clearly doesn't really want him, she just wants him to want her because it's an ego boost.
kendahke Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 I agree with others. Don't break up with someone hoping they will "fight for you" to prove that they have genuine feelings for you... exactly--especially not at the very beginning when you don't know each other. First off, if it requires a fight, it needs to be left alone. It's not going to work. Too much unnecessary stress. Secondly, if the issue is that you don't want to have sex too early, then say that to him. Ask him if he's after casual sex or if he's actually relationship minded. Put that on the table if that is your boundary. No one can read your mind. Plenty of women don't mind having sex early, hence a guy seeing if it's the case with you. You use your voice and you own your conditions for proceeding. I also felt the pressure of "where are things"... "where are we" ... "where is this going" at early stages and I didn't like it. I felt that she was more into the idea of the relationship vs. getting to really know me. ^^^^ this a 1000x. I think a lot of incompatibility in relationships revolves around this very idea. Any cog for the wheel will do. I find that chicks like this are manipulative and quite frankly, they aren't worth fighting for... because even if you do go and work on things, the fact that she had to tell you (because you couldn't read her mind and snap into shape on your own) means she was trying to force a fit because she wanted the relationship, not necessarily you. 2
kendahke Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 Back to dating. Let's say you tell your date / girl- or boyfriend you break up and he/she says: 'Alright, no big deal, bye' If I'm at the point where I'm telling someone I'm breaking up with them, it's because I'm done with dealing with them and do not wish to go further. I'm not going to say it if I don't mean it. That's manipulative gameplaying and "ain't nobody got time for that". Life is too short for silliness. 2
Author Thaymore Posted October 10, 2016 Author Posted October 10, 2016 Well I guess I made a bad move and there's nothing I can do bit leave him alone. He didn't seem to want to reply to my texts anyways. He did paid for everything and tried to make fun plans when we are out.
Author Thaymore Posted October 10, 2016 Author Posted October 10, 2016 I'm feeling ****ty because we ended the date feeling happy I believe and that was unexpected. If anything I should have talked in person. Well there is no point now. He told his friends about me and said he'll bring me to this party or his friends and even notified his friend. I think things must be awkward on his end too. A little part of me think that he doesn't feel that much chemistry either, but he's still asking me out. Well I pulled a bad move and honestly, I can't fix it anymore..
smackie9 Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 IMO it was for the best...you will find someone that sweeps you off the feet.
SwordofFlame Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 The most awkward thing is that we both have a conversation on our fourth date where he told me his bad experiences with girls, being friend-zoned a lot and things like that. Then he said I hope this won't happen to us and I ensure him it won't... He really shot himself in the foot talking about his lack of success with women on the 4th date. You don't bring that up until the relationship is already well established, if ever. What woman wants to hear that? It certainly set off valid concerns in your mind.
Author Thaymore Posted October 10, 2016 Author Posted October 10, 2016 He really shot himself in the foot talking about his lack of success with women on the 4th date. You don't bring that up until the relationship is already well established, if ever. What woman wants to hear that? It certainly set off valid concerns in your mind. I didn't think that was too weird and it didn't bother me a lot. Did put me in the mindset that he was interested because I'm like the only girl who went this far with him.
Vado Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 He really shot himself in the foot talking about his lack of success with women on the 4th date. You don't bring that up until the relationship is already well established, if ever. What woman wants to hear that? It certainly set off valid concerns in your mind. But what if she asks for it? A lot of women do, some of them already during the second date. And what if you ddidn't have a lot of relationships. You advice a guy to lie about it? If you become boy- and girlfriend it might become awkward later on. You have to keep on lying until you break up
SwordofFlame Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 But what if she asks for it? A lot of women do, some of them already during the second date. And what if you ddidn't have a lot of relationships. You advice a guy to lie about it? If you become boy- and girlfriend it might become awkward later on. You have to keep on lying until you break up I'm not advising him to lie, but I'm sure there's a better way to answer than complaining about how women constantly reject you. You could say that you're very shy, very introverted. Those are honest reasons.
Toodaloo Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 So let me get this right. You date a guy. He states that he is looking for more than just friends. You agree. Then you friendzone him and dump him. He is a guy with a bit of self respect so he walks away. Now you have noticed he is half decent you want him back. But you don't really want him back... Its only because he walked away and didn't beg and you have now realised that you are like a whole bunch of other girls he has dated before. Erm.... I am lost. I think this guy is better off not dating you or being your friend. What can you do? Accept that he is gone and it was your choice.
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