michel34598 Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 so, over a year ago i was dumped by my now ex girlfriend and i really loved her. thinking i was ready to move on, i started dating. it feels like when i was seeing my ex, i was confident id marry her and when it ended, my confidence was shot. something i truly believed would last, ended. i used to be able to love freely, and committ easily. now it feels like every girl i date, its a struggle to feel for the person. im just wasting chances with girls i meet, my heart really doesnt seem to be in it. we meet, we date for a couple of weeks and then i end it. rinse and repeat. has anyone ever experienced this? how did you finally find yourself again and move on?
Bialy Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 It might help to write down the qualities you're looking for in a partner. What are you looking for?
Toodaloo Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 You are not ready. Simple truth is that you are still hooked on your ex. So it doesn't matter either way if you date or not it isn't going to work out. How to get over it? Open your eyes. I was hooked on an ex for years and then one day I managed to open my eyes... Turns out I don't even like the guy. So all those years pinning and wishing we were still together were a waste. I cried for a bit then laughed at myself for wearing the rose tinted glasses for so long. Sometimes it just takes time.
aj2124 Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 I think a good place to start would be taking a break from dating. There's no need to hurt others when you know that you are still healing and not truly ready for a relationship. It seems that you are using dating to mask the pain you are feeling from the ex who left. That wound will never have time to heal unless you stop covering over it. It may seem like an old-fashioned idea but after doing my own fair share of dating for fun, I realized there's really nothing beneficial in that. 1
Pete2304 Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 Have to agree with the two replies. I went on a date a few weeks back and it was painfully obvious to me that I'm nowhere near ready. I don't know about you but I've never actually met someone by going on a date as such, it's always been a case of someone I knew and feelings developed over time and if that happens I'd be almost certain you would be more comfortable and more likely to make a good go of things. Be on your own for a while. It's ok. It rubbish in a lot of ways, but then at least you get to watch what you want on TV, go out when you want, have a takeout every night if you want and slowly, of the new friends that you start to make, one of them might just become something more than a friend. Good luck.
Punchkick Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 Hey man, I totally understand where you are coming from. I was there. it took me 10 months. Others say maybe you aren't ready and maybe that is true but only you know that. I thought that as well because I would go through the same cycle. I realized that my ex is a very special person at least for the first year and her qualities and looks and the love she gave me might not ever be replaced AND THAT IS OK. She is her own person and so are these girls that you go out with. Be open in letting the relationship develop the way it should. You can take key things you enjoyed with your ex such as calling after work or whatever and add that to any developing relationship. We all learn from our past to make our present at least close to perfect to make us happy. An ex will always be in our heart we have to accept that she has qualities that maybe we wont find again or maybe we will but whatever it is you have to be open when dating even if it doesn't work because it teaches you something. Only you know what that something is. Hang in there brother. Life is great. open heart open mind open soul. 1
Recommended Posts