salparadise Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 I read somewhere that while dismissives are 25-30% of the population initially, as we get older, more secures are in long term relationships so the percentage of secures out there in the dating pool drops and the dismissive-avoidant types increase to 50% of the dating pool. I think this is probably true. I think that online dating is predominantly people with some type of attachment or personality issues because people without those issues tend to find each other and pair up quickly... whereas the attachment/personality impaired tend to either never leave or leave and come back in a month or two. We are so wired for connection... it's probably as strong as sex drive in my estimation. If someone is trying to find connection without success over a longish period of time, there's likely to be a reason for their difficulty. And I do not think that reason is attractiveness, as so many lonely hearts on these boards claim. 1
VeveCakes Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 Im working on this theory with my therapist. Secure and Anxious are both fine, avoidants are the ones who never are able to be in healthy relationships...so yes it is bad. There are more Avoidants in the dating pool because they keep cycling in and out...the key is to be able to spot them early and move on. They also talk a lot about multi dating for anxious types...I am doing that now and it is really helping. 1
salparadise Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 Im working on this theory with my therapist. Secure and Anxious are both fine, avoidants are the ones who never are able to be in healthy relationships...so yes it is bad. There are more Avoidants in the dating pool because they keep cycling in and out...the key is to be able to spot them early and move on. They also talk a lot about multi dating for anxious types...I am doing that now and it is really helping. I'd say a lot depends on how anxious, and how well they manage the behaviors. If they're terribly insecure, suspicious, jealous, unable to trust, then it's certainly going to be a relationship issue when trying to date a secure type. How does multi-dating help the anxious person? I can imagine but I'd like to hear the rationale, how the process works.
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