CJDJ6963 Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 I met with my ex about a week ago already and she sat and told me that she was no longer in love with me. She loved me, but was no longer infatuated with me. It was a pretty calm meeting, we sat on a bench and just talked everything over. After I got home, I found out she had messaged me to thank me for meeting her. She then went on about how she'll miss my family and that she thinks something is wrong with her. She thinks this because I hurt her (didn't open up about my problems so constantly created arguments between us etc) and I did a lot to try and make it up to her but she still doesn't want to give it another shot. She tells me not to think of it as me not being enough but isn't that just it? I told her that we're not right for each other and she got defensive because in her opinion we couldn't have spent 6 months with each other "madly in love" if we weren't right. She listed all the good things in our relationship but she still doesn't want to get back together. The whole reason we are talking after the first meeting is because she drunk text me telling me how much she loved and missed me but then apologised in the morning and said she can't be sorry for missing me. This new meeting is apparently for her to tell me how she really feels about everything and I was reluctant to meet at first but then thought well why not. What kind of mindset should I have here? I'm pretty tired of the whole thing and I'm pretty sure it's a case of her not wanting me but not wanting anyone else to have me so I'm currently going into it acting as if I don't really care. Because I don't. I didn't want to meet and unless she wants to get back together I don't really care what she has to say
Kelley Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 Unless she is actually saying the words lets get back together, or actively making the effort to do so, it is just a case of just trying to keep you in her life to ease her conscience. I think you need to move on, go NC and let her get on with things. She has made her decision, as hard as it is, look after you. I wouldn't go and be put through more excuses, but that is up to you. 1
Nowty V Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 Is her contact constant over time or does she contact say every 10 or 20 days?
loveiswar101 Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 I didn't want to meet and unless she wants to get back together I don't really care what she has to say Be honest and tell her this. Her actions then will speak louder than any words she has to say!
lolablue17 Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 I'll tell you what is it that she wants: She wants to break up with you, while you're begging her to stay. Every time you agree and say that you're not for each other, she will say the opposite, to convince you to not losing hope. As long as you have hope, you'll be a great ego booster tool. Just stop answering her saying: "Sorry, my friends list is currently closed, I'll re-open it next year for new candidates"
Author CJDJ6963 Posted October 10, 2016 Author Posted October 10, 2016 We met up to talk about a week ago and I was going NC after that (she kept saying how much she'll miss everything) but about 4 days later she contacted me to ask why I talked to a mutual friend about our problems. I don't see an issue with it but I now see it was just a way for her to contact me and later blame me for the contact because she sees it as if I never talked to him,she wouldn't have got in contact. We stopped talking after that conversation but then text me 3 days later to ask me what was wrong with me. I tweeted something and she thought it was about her.. She doesn't follow me but saw my tweet? Then because I was ignoring her it turned into her confessing how much she loves and misses me and that she wants to see me and stay overnight etc. She was drunk.
PegNosePete Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 For someone who is in NC you seem to be having an awful lot of interaction with her. Do you know what NC actually means? It means NO CONTACT. Why are you having so much contact with someone whom you're supposed to be in NC with? 1
doyathinkso Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 Don't waste your time feeding her ego and salving her conscience. Go strict NC immediately. Block her from your phone and all social media. Let her hear nothing but the blood pounding in her ears. 1
lolablue17 Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 4 days later she contacted me to ask why I talked to a mutual friend about our problems. Tell her next time she calls, that you are not together anymore and you can and will talk to anybody you wants about anything you want, and she has no say about it. Tell her to never contact you again, she made a decision and by that she lost her chance with you. Bye bye!
PegNosePete Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 Tell her next time she calls, that you are not together anymore and you can and will talk to anybody you wants about anything you want, and she has no say about it. Tell her to never contact you again, she made a decision and by that she lost her chance with you. Bye bye! Right, but the exact words you use to say all that should be *click* (that's you hanging up) 2
Toodaloo Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 Oh good lord this one is a drama queen and dragging it out. You are not the issue here. She is. She is flip flapping all over the place. Just tell her no - you do not want to meet again to go through all that crap again. She has said her piece so please buggar off and leave you alone. Then ignore her. She wants you to go chasing after her so she can knock you down and get a boost to her ego. Sod that. Just tell her to get lost. Get nasty if you have to but get her away from you.
lolablue17 Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 Right, but the exact words you use to say all that should be *click* (that's you hanging up) Agree! "Click" says it all 1
EveryWomanJ2911 Posted October 16, 2016 Posted October 16, 2016 It sounds like you have already made your mind up about this relationship, and that you just want her to know that you are rejecting her now. I can see why you would want to be direct and then cease contact with this ex. So, I'm just wondering if you have taken the time to process everything that has happened, and are now ready to be intentional about your future approach to a romantic relationship in your life? Often times, when we are healing from a broken heart/relationship, and the clarity is there from that pain to help us focus on what really matters to us, we can go forward in a healthier way. Have you really thought about your values and goals in life at this point? Have you considered what could help you to have a healthy relationship with a suitable partner, who shares your values and who has some similar life goals? Are you searching for a mate who has a stable back ground and is healthy relationally with their family and friends? We often can think that finding any old "someone" works, but really it takes effort to find a person who shares some of our personal interests, has some stability financially and relationally, and who is grounded enough to make wise life decisions to build a life together. So, if you haven't taken the time to take stock of your situation, I hope this gives you some encouragement to do so. Things can change for the better with some clear direction, and solid standards that make the wait worthwile. Blessings Friend!
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