Thoughts on marriage being brought up very early in a new relationship?

[maxalton]

I'd just like peoples opinions on this topic. Let's say you were dating somebody (for a short while) you really fell for, and then that person did something terrible and the two of you broke it off. A week or two later, you meet somebody else(who's a different type of person than you'd nomally go for,) and 2 or 3 weeks after that, you're officially in a relationship. And you're already having little conversations or making jokes about "when we get married." What are your thoughts on these types of relationship and maybe the success rate?

[Popsicle]

I wouldn't really pay it no mind. It's too soon to take seriously. I wouldn't be mad or offended or object to it either though. It wouldn't scare me. I'd just feel that they were "caught up" in the moment.

[Bialy]

Relationships that start off that quickly crash and burn pretty quickly. There are exceptions, but...

 

Just look at the example you provide. The fact that one week the person you described was in love with one person... then reality sets in and they don't like that person anymore... so, they jump right into the next relationship just as quickly.

 

This person loves to be in love, but hasn't sustained an actual relationship.

[leogirl876]

Sounds like getting hit with a big dose of infatuation. I don't see anything wrong though with discussing your own relationship goals like you do want to get married to the right person, but talking about getting married to that person when only dating a few weeks is just lust & infatuation. It'll wear off within a few weeks to a few months.

[maxalton]

Relationships that start off that quickly crash and burn pretty quickly. There are exceptions, but...

 

Just look at the example you provide. The fact that one week the person you described was in love with one person... then reality sets in and they don't like that person anymore... so, they jump right into the next relationship just as quickly.

 

This person loves to be in love, but hasn't sustained an actual relationship.

 

The first example I used, "said person" fell for somebody they were dating, really fast. (they never made it to the 'official' stage yet) and they ended up being betrayed. Which was why things ended. "Said person" is 30 years old and wants to get married and have stability. My personal opinion is that "said person" is purposely going against the grain, so to speak, and going after a different type of person since the last type wasn't working. "Said person" hasn't been in an official relationship in over a year and that relationship ended badly. I think you're right, "said person" loves to be in love, but maybe doesn't have the tools to hold down a relationship or find the right type of person. Which may be why they're changing it up now and going for a different type. Could be a rebound that crashes and burns as you suggested.

[Toodaloo]

My Dad said to my Mum "you know we are going to get married don't you" after about ten minutes of their first date...

 

Her response was "yeah I know".

 

Highly romantic isn't it!!!

 

Pay it no heed. It means nothing.

[basil67]

Why do you say that this person doesn't have the tools to hold down a relationship? After all, their last relationship ended to to no fault of their own.

 

Anyway, I don't think it's concerning that they are in a relationship after three weeks. And while they may be joking about marriage, it doesn't sound like they've actually made any type of long term commitment.

[elaine567]

I think some men do introduce the marriage topic early to make sure the woman knows he is serious and that he is actually looking for a wife.

I believe some people do know very early on that this is the woman/man they will marry and be happy with.

 

Some men also know that the mere mention of marriage makes some women go all gooey and weak at the knees, and that is to his benefit as she will stick around with him in the belief he is being serious.

This may work out well as they get to know each other and things do develop, but some men have no intention of ever getting married in the near future and it then all unravels as she finds it was all just bs on his part.

 

Of course there are also some who "genuinely" fall head over heels every other week and promise the world, only to fall head over heels for the next one the week after. Wash, rinse and repeat.

Best to stay away from those.

[Miss Peach]

There are a lot of men who throw things out there like marriage when the reality is they probably will never get there. I know future talk is nice but I don't put much stalk into it until I've been with someone long enough he's backed it up with actions.

[Gloria25]

I'm there with Bialy and leogirl876...

 

Someone who falls so in/out of love so intensely, so quickly is a bad bet.

 

I mean, when we first meet someone we all get that rush of the newness, excitement, infatuation - but, we have to be strong to not let that cement us into serious decisions without taking the time to actually get to know that person (which should take at least 1 1/2 to 2 years of "dating" - not friends, shaking-up, coworkers, LDR). Actually, you should get engaged after the 1 1/2 to 2 year mark, followed by six months pre-marital counseling, IMO - to be taken seriously that you're making an informed decision to marry that person.

 

I could see where you're so wrapped up into this new person and see actual qualities that you would like in a husband/wife. But, maybe it's best to keep those thoughts to yourself and just take the time to date them. Give it the good o'l 1 1/2 to 2 years before even announcing marriage.

 

I mean, when it comes to arranged marriages (that don't require 1 1/2 to 2 years of dating) - if done right, the decision is done by the couple's elders - who are hopefully wise at matchmaking and get the right fit for their children. So all the "dating" us singles carry out on our own - without the influence of wise elders, leaves "us" up to make the important leap of who is marriage material and sadly, a lot of people make poor choices, don't take the time to get to know that person and/or don't rely on wisdom from others - especially elders - in making the decision.

[Imajerk17]

I hate these types of "hypothetical" questions. OP Why can't you just tell your story straight-up like nearly everyone else does on here. What are the genders of the people involved? The way you worded your question--too confusing with a lot of relevant info left out.

 

I agree with the others though--most relationships where marriage is brought up so soon tend to crash and burn. Especially when there is leapfrogging from one new partner right to another.

Edited October 10, 2016 by Imajerk17

[Sunkissedpatio]

The key to the situation you described is that in the previous relationship the person they were involved with did something horrible to them forcing them to break up (I assume) so they went ahead and got involved with someone who on the surface seems like they have all the good qualities the ex didn't have.

 

Translation: this person won't hurt me like the last.

 

So they get carried away thinking they are the ideal match for each other hence the early marriage talk. The chances that after 2 weeks you will know the exact same person that you will after three or 6 months are slim to none. What I mean by that is, don't we all seem perfect after two weeks then a few months go by and it's a different story?

 

Sure love at first sight happens but I think in this day in age things are very likely to change.

[dichotomy]

It depends on where your at in life and what your goals are. I always wanted to be married - kids, etc... but when I was young and dating I did not bring it up - because I was young and dating and that was a ways off.

 

However when older and ready for marriage -and not into games and sleeping around - I made it clear I was dating for marriage in the near term (1-3 years). I did not want to waste time with women who did not have similar goals. However I would not have "joked" around right away - simply let people know what my goals where from the beginning.

 

Sometimes when first dating there is playful teasing - or maybe they are simply testing the waters to see if your into the idea of marriage - or whether your really into them - or just having fun only. Who knows ?Teasing is ok - but if your not ready for marriage any time soon - best to respond "maybe someday"

[DeepVibeZ]

I dated one girl who did this all the time and I assumed she was just messing. Then one day she texted me to say she popping over with 'the best present ever'. She turned up, stripped off, only to reveal a tattoo of my initials. And it was huge!

I honestly thought it would be tickets for a cup final which were sold out. We'd only been together half a year. Worst night of my life.

[maxalton]

maybe shouldve said this in the original post, the twist to this story is that each party has a young child involved

[RecentChange]

Eh it all depends doesn't it? There are so many dang variables it's really hard to generalize when it comes to relationships.

 

On our first date he joked with the table next to us that we were newly engaged.

 

We did the things people warn about on here. Fell in love super quickly and exchanged ILY's in less than two months, started talking about forever, moved in together 6 months later.

 

This Halloween will mark 15 years since we met at a costume party.

 

 

I dated one girl who did this all the time and I assumed she was just messing. Then one day she texted me to say she popping over with 'the best present ever'. She turned up, stripped off, only to reveal a tattoo of my initials. And it was huge!

I honestly thought it would be tickets for a cup final which were sold out. We'd only been together half a year. Worst night of my life.

 

Hahahahaha this is hilarious!

[pteromom]

If they "really fell for this person" and then started talking marriage with someone else 2-3 weeks later? I would assume this person doesn't know what love really is and is very impulsive and shallow with their feelings.

 

I wouldn't give a relationship formed under these circumstances a high chance of success.

[hippychick3]

I think that if a guy talks this way in the beginning, it's important to not take it seriously AT ALL. I would read it as him being infatuated and in lust. The "marriage talk" will definitely wear off in time, no doubt. But, the relationship won't necessarily crash and burn AS LONG AS the girl does not take him seriously and slows down the pace. If she allows herself to get carried away with this and moves too fast with him, it will crash and burn as quickly as it started.