sxbmb3388 Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 Ok, so I have a problem! I (f, 25) started dating this guy (m,34) who I was only interested in having something casual with. Now this guy is from Poland and has been in the UK for 10 years. Constantly throughout the two months we were seeing each other I would re affirm that whatever it was we had, we weren't going anywhere. He would keep telling me 'you don't have to keep saying that'. Now, I've not long come out of a relationship - I broke up, and just wanted something non committed as I still have some healing to do. Over the course of seeing this guy, we never got physical. His equipment just wasn't able to. This is a dealbreaker for me, I wish it wasn't as I know it's shallow, but it is. I stopped being attracted to him, as I felt like we had more of a friendship with kissing etc - I will add, this guy would make an amazing bf, to someone with a low drive, he's attentive, tactile, gentlemanly etc... However, the minute I tried to end things, he changed. He is in a terrible living situation, and currently faces being homeless. This has been hanging over me ending things for a while because I didn't want to kick him when he was down, so I thought I'd try and make it clear that I don't want to pursue anything. I just couldn't go to his and kiss him and pretend like I wanted to be there, as that's an awful thing to do, and he wouldn't stop inviting me over, and making sad faces every time I would explain why I couldn't go. I had something in my facebook profile which was little and silly, only because it was a TV show we had both been obsessed with, and I took it down. I got a text 2 hours later asking why it had bee removed. I explained I wanted a change and that I didn't think he would even notice it. He told me it made him feel good and that he always checked it. I had to end it as this was ridiculous, and almost worrying. Once I explained to him I didn't want anything romantic, he kept pushing me to explain why after he had been so cool with me previously explaining that. After a lot of pushing, I decided to give him a reason - not the fact that we couldn't get physical, but the fact I wasn't over my ex. He said that was fine and that he could help me. I explained that I wasn't ready to fully let go, and that I didn't want to mess him around. He then explained that I couldn't have messed him around any more than I had done, for which I reminded him that I had said from the start it was on a casual basis, and that if it really was fine, he wouldn't be reacting like this. The depressed texts continued and he threatened to kill himself and keeps popping up on whatsapp, annoyed with me about something. It's giving me anxiety, and I actually don't know what to do. He's clearly very depressed and angry with me, and it's making me worry about him! He also told me that he needed to let me know something about him that will help me to understand him more, but refuses to do over the phone or text. Only in person. When I refused to meet him, he said 'you'll never know who I really am'. He also keeps saying to me that he's sick in the head, which now I'm inclined to believe, but it's also scaring me! We weren't ever in a relationship or anything serious, we were casual, and it was more of a friends that kiss situation. I no longer was attracted to him anymore so surely I've done nothing wrong - maybe I shouldn't have dragged it out, but his situation was bad, and seemed to get worse every day. I feel like blocking him off everything would give me anxiety as I've had a serious stalker before and I always worry that things will go down that route, especially as this man appears to be panicking, which is what my stalker did. I seriously am giving up on dating, as I can't seem to find anyone who is nice! Even the ones who appear nice, are dodgy once you break up... I don't want to deal with this type of situation again and literally feel like I need to cry.
JewelD Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 Just block him and move on. Most men are not this unhinged. and those who are usually do have red flags at some point but sometimes people choose to ignore/dismiss them.
preraph Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 So he's already making up excuses why you MUST see him even if you don't want to. You need to totally block him on everything and get off all his social media too, and change phone number if you have to. Tell him it's over. He's planning on using a suicide threat to blackmail you into staying. Do NOT give him the chance. If he can't reach you, he can't threaten suicide. If he knows you can't and won't see anything else that he does, there will be no point to even acting out in that and other weird ways. Take away his audience and his window into your world. Now.
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