cxycxy35 Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 We were together for two months. I'm 26 and he's 33. We are both well educated and have pretty decent life. Went out once a week because we live 60 miles apart. Everything went great! We have the exact same value and similar personalities. Last Sunday, we went out as usual. At dinner, I asked him if he wanted me to split the bill with him. He said sure. I honestly didn't mean to split, maybe I was just hypocrite trying to be polite. So I said, no, let me pay then. So I paid the whole bill. (In my previous relationships, guys pay for the meals and I sometimes treat them for other things. Travel we split. I'm not a gold digger) Then he started this discussion with me on gender roles and he said we Chinese have the problem of treating people to show off our power. Those Chinese guys who offer to pay all the time during dating won't change diapers after marriage. They Europeans(he's Italian but not the liar type) like to split to show equality. This is really small discussion and I don't think it's true. I think it's just personal preference and if he wants to go Dutch with me, I have no problem. So on Monday, he didn't contact me or reply my messages. On Tuesday morning, he sent me a message to breakup with me. He said "there are too many obstacles and difficulties in a long term." I asked him to call me to explain, he said it's not about who pays the bill, it's about maybe we'll have all the discussions over the time because of our cultural differences. And he doesn't see any time soon that I can move to his area or him move to my area. So it's not gonna work regardless of how much he likes me. It doesn't make any logical sense to me because the minute he met me, me already knew that I'm Chinese and I live far away. So I assume that there is another woman so he lost interest to me. I didn't say anything just told him to take care. I didn't contact him again because it's pointless and I don't want to act cheap or beg him for anything. Thursday morning, he texted me and said he's truly sorry. He said it was his mistake for saying and doing these things and he truly believe that I'm a wonderful person. I said, if you change your mind on the breakup, let's cool down and talk again. If you're just feeling guilty, do me a favor and don't contact me again. So he said he's gonna call me that night. Automatically I would assume that he wanted to get back together with me. Thursday night, he called, crying like a baby over the phone, said "I cannot concentrate on work. The minute I open my eyes, I miss you so much! I keep asking myself if I made the right decision. I keep changing my mind. I regret the way I treated you. I really like you and I really felt good with you. You're probably the woman I connected the most with on all levels. You're like my soulmate. You're someone if I want to be with, I'll consider seriously(he meant marriage). I said, well what's the problem?! If there is a problem, let's fix it together. He said, I don't know. Maybe there is no problem. I don't know what's holding me back. I just felt something. I cannot see myself living with you or going on vacations with you. ...so I know I'll be so into you, but if I don't see us together in a long term, let's end now because we'll end up hurting more. And he said also to tell me that there is no other woman involved. So I finally lost my temper and yelled at him "you're so selfish. Why do you call to make me confuse and hurt me twice." Guys, please be the judge! I'm seriously sick of dating! People are so weird these days!!!! Everybody is so impatient to tolerate the individual differences, judgemental, highly independent and unrealisticly picky, looking for the impossible perfection, looking for fast result! We only dated two months, with one month he was on vacation in Italy. So we met for 7 times and he said he's gut feeling tells him he sees no future in us. And yet he cried and said I'm his soulmate! He has a PHD and he's an engineer. He said he's a rational person. But whatever he said to me makes no logical sense AT ALL! I asked a guy friend, he said he's just a typical European mama's boy and he would come back some day. I don't know. I really like him because we have deep connections. (Were both Pisces) my theory is that he likes me too deep and think too many serious things ahead of time(most unlikely to happen) and put too much pressure on himself and get panic. My other theory is that he's a complete jerk who doesn't even want to take his guilt for breaking up and come back to me to cry. What do you guys think?
smackie9 Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 Are you sure he isn't married? Has a wife in Italy and is here for work?
Author cxycxy35 Posted October 9, 2016 Author Posted October 9, 2016 As far as I know, no. He said he wanted a marriage and family since he was very young but it didn't happen. He came here for work, yes. He's been in the US for 3 years now and is looking to buy a house to settle down And we haven't had s*x yet! So it really don't know the issue
preraph Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 He's probably cheating on someone and his guilt finally got to him. All that sobbing is because he didn't get to have sex.
Author cxycxy35 Posted October 9, 2016 Author Posted October 9, 2016 He said he broke up with his girlfriend in Italy like 3 years ago because she wouldn't relocate with him. He hasn't dated anyone recently. We talk everyday and it doesn't seem to me that he's dating two people at the same time. he said there is no other woman involved. (when he really didn't need to say that) Without the other woman theory, nothing makes any sense. Everything went just great!
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