patricia0000 Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 Hey. I've been dating this guy for about 5 months and we're 20. He got me tickets for my favorite band on my birthday, for a concert in a city ~5-6 hours from where we both live since that's the closest any big bands play to the small town where we live. He pays for everything and we're gonna stay at a hotel for 1 night. I'm a virgin although i'm this age and I don't have much experience of men in general apart from the man I dated before this one who was a complete ******* sadly (which is why I never allowed myself to sleep with him, he often made it obvious that that was the only thing he wanted from me and I was in love so I kept him waiting blahblahblah). But this guy is amazing and respects me and he's always there for me when I need him and sure I trust him but... he's a man and from my past experiences I have a hard time trusting that a man can have purely good intensions. I've explained to him all this and although he most likely got disappointed he said he didn't mind if I didn't want our first time to be at a hotel and even asked if I wanted seperate beds, 'cause it was okay with him in that case. Now my only question is.. should I STILL be worried? Or is it possible that a man can care about and respect you so much that he can do something like this for you and be okay with not getting sex in return right away? (because for me it's just that I don't want our FIRST TIME to happen at a hotel, I may be prude or something but that's just the way I feel right now lol) Again I trust him but I want some outside opinions!
preraph Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 He's going to at least try. Guys want sex. That's what they want above all else. Why not tell him you'll pay for a separate room. Separate beds, you're not going to get any sleep. And he'll probably still try it. Then you make the reservation so you know it's done. 1
Author patricia0000 Posted October 9, 2016 Author Posted October 9, 2016 He's going to at least try. Guys want sex. That's what they want above all else. Why not tell him you'll pay for a separate room. Separate beds, you're not going to get any sleep. And he'll probably still try it. Then you make the reservation so you know it's done. I doubt I can afford it lol, anyway I wouldn't need to because he'll fix it if I ask him too. Separate rooms no way lol, we're a couple, but separate beds I have thought of myself. If I changed my mind it would be easy anyway to crawl into the same bed.
smackie9 Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 Did you tell him that there will be no sex in a hotel room? I bet money on it he's thinking this is it.....it's going to finally happen. it's been 5 months....how long are you going to stretch this out? This isn't just about you....he has needs too.
Author patricia0000 Posted October 9, 2016 Author Posted October 9, 2016 (edited) Did you tell him that there will be no sex in a hotel room? I bet money on it he's thinking this is it.....it's going to finally happen. it's been 5 months....how long are you going to stretch this out? This isn't just about you....he has needs too. I'm aware he has needs, it's just that I have had 1 relationship before (no I didn't even have any pretend-relationships as a kid) and I have little experience with men in general so I might be quite young emotionally so that's why it's taken so long. He's really amazing.. he hasn't pressured me at all . I'm aware he's thinking that this is it, but I told him it's probably not going to happen there and he said he thought we knew each other well enough for our first time to happen now but that he's ok with it if I wanna wait some more. We're adults though, I know he has needs! I just feel right now like I don't want our first time to be there but I might change my mind, or I won't. Either way it will happen soon because I want a "real" relationship as well, and I don't want him to start thinking of me as a friend. Edited October 9, 2016 by patricia0000
Tribble Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 Of course he's hoping it will happen. And not just because he's a guy - women want sex too! To answer your question, there are many guys who will respect you and wait. My best friend has just moved in with her bf of nearly 2 years and they still haven't done the deed! You're the one who knows him and he could be a guy willing to wait or he may try his luck. We don't know. All I'm saying is, these guys (although probably quite rare) do exist. You've done the right thing talking about it. He knows where you stand but it's up to you to enforce those boundaries and not lead him on. You've also said you want to have sex soon but you're just not quite ready. Don't force it if you aren't ready, wait. Keep the line of communication open so he knows where you are. If he likes you, he will wait. Not forever, but some. In the grand scheme of things, it's only been a couple of months.
Author patricia0000 Posted October 12, 2016 Author Posted October 12, 2016 True. It seems most people have sex on like the 3rd date though and waiting any longer than that is not normal! So that automatically puts some pressure on me but I know better than to do something before i'm ready.
eightytwenty Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 Sorry to tell you. First time isn't anything special, it hurts and sucks, I would rather have the hotel have to clean up blood stains in the sheets then clean my own. truly my first time, I thought I wanted the whole candle light, prefect date and perfect setting. Then to do the deed it was all pain and the setting didn't matter much. After a few times it gets better, now I don't care when or where we do it. But it is YOUR first time, so do it on your time and how you want it, but at 20 it's alittle bit pass the time to be holding out on sex because you want to make sure he'll stay around. Only time can tell you that.
courtney_kay Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 A good guy will respect your boundaries and not push his luck. Was he hoping this would be his chance to finally move things forward with you physically? Probably so. But the fact that he has stuck around for 5 months without sex indicate to me that his intentions are probably good. If you tell him upfront you are not comfortable or ready for sex yet, he should be understanding. Whether you share a bed, sleep in separate beds, or separate rooms. It doesn't matter. A relationship is about understanding, communicating, and respecting one another. 1
Recommended Posts