4 dates in, thoughts?

[Risingdownj]

Hi, this is my first post here as I wanted to get some opinions on my current dating situation.

 

Just so you know, in case it changes anything:* this is a gay (male/male) dating, not male/female.

 

So I have been on 4 dates with a guy I met on a gay dating app. Averaging seeing each other once a week, usually a Saturday or Sunday.* It follows a typical situation in that he did most of the chasing to begin with but has since wained it seems. I have shouldered most of the initiating of the last 2 dates, but he has accepted and all dates have been really great, good conversation, laughing, kissing and holding hands.

 

Our communication patterns were that we texted each other several times everyday, generally with afew hours max between each one. This has decreased on his part, and he often goes 6+ hours now. This down slide in communication coincides with some family issues he has been having, as last sunday he moved out of his family home into his friends. His family are very religious and do not accept him being gay very well. They are always trying to convince him to have conversion therapy.

 

For the record, there has been no sex. I did suggest he come over for the last date as we are both a fan of a TV show so I suggested he come over and we could watch afew episodes together, have pizza and he could stay. He however declined this, and took a long time to reply, so I kinda got a feeling he wasn't feeling that idea. We still saw each other though and went to a local fair together (this was wednesday 5th). After, he texted me to say he was home and thanking me for the night.* I text back pretty much echoing the sentiment. Following this, we did not have any communication for nearly 2 days. This was the first time we had gone for that long without messaging each other. As mentioned before, communication did seem to be becoming more less frequent before this, but he was still accepting my offer of another date and we had a great time.

 

I decided to text him on Friday night just saying hey how are you kinda thing. He did respond the next morning. And we have had a brief exchange since then til now, but there has been nothing about seeing each other again.

 

I'm not 100% sure how to proceed from here. I like him and would like to see him again but he seems to be giving mixed messages in that he isn't up for communicating that much (atleast to the level that we did before), and he isn't initiating seeing each other again, but has been accepting my offers and has been very affectionate when we do see each other.

 

I should also mention, as it may be important to know, especially as it probably adds another dimension to trying to read the situation. He is still active on the dating app we met on, as am I.* We have not had a exclusive talk so this isn't exactly a massive issue. BUT, I have found that he can be active on the app but not respond to my whatsapps, which I guess is pointing possibly towards him being on his phone and just ignoring my messages.

 

I have asked a good friend of mine for his opinion on this and he says not too worry too much. That his action on the dates are that of slmeone who is interested, but he may just need some space with everything that is happening. My friend has been in a similar situation with his family and he would chat to people online about nothing too deep as a distraction, but ignore speaking to people who he actually cared about if he wasn't feeling mentally up to it as they are the people who he would disclose the personal stuff too. Obviously this doesn't really help my situation too much tho..

 

I'd welcome anyone's opinions and advice. Thanks

[bummer]

When communication changes, it's usually a sign some other things are changing. He could be busy with the family things, other things, or other dates. All speculation.

 

What is clear is you have had nice dates and he's distracted from something.

 

If you were moving towards a more intimate relationship, I would say it is a red-flag he hasn't been communicating. I'd speculate he's moving on elsewhere.

 

If you were just casual (no sex), then I would just keep it on that level for a date or two more. Set something up and if he blows it off, that's a sign. If you have a few more good dates, then try to get closer. For now, just keep dating and don't sweat it too hard.

[courtney_kay]

To me, it seems like he is pulling away which could be a sign that he is losing interest. In my experience, when you first start dating someone and both parties are equally interested, the communication is at an all time high, you are excited about each other and will jump at any chance to talk or hang out.

 

Could he be distracted by his family issues? Could be. It's hard to tell. My initial reaction to this is that he is losing interest, but sometimes people deserve the benefit of the doubt. Try initiating hanging out one more time and see what he does. Or you can just be blunt and ask him if he is still interested or if you are wasting your time.

[smackie9]

Stop speculating and start communicating with him.