Beatrixx Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 I'm going to apologise in advance for this post and for overanalyzing my breakup situation so much. I'm just really, really struggling that at the moment and I would be so grateful for some feedback and support... I've had break ups before, but never have I felt so much emptiness and pain as this one. The other break ups didn't surprise me. I knew they weren't as committed. But never did I think my current ex would leave me. This is the man who said he loved me more than anyone he ever had... The man who told me that I made him so happy and excited even in the last weeks before our break up... The man who would cry and plead to sort things out each time we had a fight... The man who said he couldn't imagine being without me and wouldn't be able to function without me. And now he's gone. He said he fell out of love with me... A week after the breakup, he told me that on the phone. I was devastated and went NC afterwards. It has been 6 days NC now. Before his heartbreaking words, we shared some heartfelt conversations online. When I read them I can't help but think he still has feelings deep down. I'm in complete and utter denial that he's no longer in love with me and I keep hoping I'm going to get a call or text from him saying he's made a mistake or was going through some sort of crisis and wasn't himself... Here are some of the things we said... Please help me figure out what his mindset is. I know it's unhealthy of me to read so much into this, but I just need to understand... Even if it's harsh or not what I'd want to hear, I need to understand something because I can't get him out of my head. </3 ------------------------ Him: I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you Him: you are a wonderful delicate princess Him: and you realised I was an utter slob Me: please don't say that Me: you're amazing Me: I'm so sorry I didn't show you that Me: I got so caught up within myself Me: I was selfish and I'm so sorry Me: we're both not perfect like you said Me: but there's no way you're all these horrible things you're saying about yourself Me: you're being so harsh on yourself Him: you are just so so much better than me Him: and it's how I've come to see myself over time Him: I know you wouldn't try to hurt me Him: you just lost interest as I cease to be appealing Him: when you realised who I really was Him: and that you didn't like that person Him: I've made you so unhappy so much Me: that's not true Me: you know if it was I'd have just walked away easily from you without kicking up a fuss Me: but you know how I reacted. I was devastated... Him: I worry that's just because you were used to be being around Him: I know you like routine Him: maybe you were just sad about losing that Me: no, I was sad about losing you Him: I worry about you Him: and I don't mean that patronisingly Me: why? Me: I don't want you to worry anymore Me: I'm trying my best to move on now Him: please don't say that Me: don't you want me to try and be independent? Him: it's hard to imagine either of us being independent right now Him: but it means a great deal Him: that you want to talk to me Him: I know this is all complicated and I'm so sorry Him: I'm not trying to torture you Him: I just want you to be happy Him: I wanted to make things work Him: I really did Him: I didn't talk to you meaning to break up Me: I'm just sorry it wasn't enough Me: I hope you live a happy life, I really do Him: I want you to as well Me: I really hope someone can make you happy one day Me: I know you will meet someone really nice Me: another and better pea Him: please don't say this Him: I can't bare to think of being with anyone else Him: especially calling them pea Him: that feels so wrong Me: so you still think about being with me? Him: of course I do Him: I've thought about asking you round sometime this week Him: to hang out and have fun Him: but I understand if you can't Him: or don't want to etc Him: it's perfectly understandable Me: really? Him: yes Him: well I miss hanging around with you Him: you're my best friend Him: I'm sorry if I've annoyed you Me: oh course you haven't Me: It's made me happy Me: I really want to come Me: I'm just scared because I don't want to ruin things
Toddbt12y1 Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 Hi, Both of your mindsets aren't right. From the message sample you posted; he seems to not see himself as good enough for you. This very well could be a deciding factor leading up to your break up. I always give the advice to not wait for phone calls; someone showing up at your door. Flowers, cards, so on. Waiting only allows for bad thoughts to come around. Makes missing the person easy. I'd not worry about useless no contact; him. But yeah. He seems to not see himself as good enough for you (message sample). What I gather. I'd not take that as a chance at hope. Though, stranger things have happened. I'd not hold my breath. I'd use this time to do what I want...independently. Regain structure and a sense of self. Well, not sure if this was helpful or not. But hey, I tried.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 (edited) I think we need more context. What were some of the problems in your relationship prior to the break-up? What is he referring to when he said he couldn't make you happy, and you lost interest in him? Edited October 9, 2016 by ExpatInItaly
DarrenB Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 I'm not really an advocate at all for online messaging or conducting B/U's/relationships etc on social media and networking. Imagine how different things would be if they were done in real time life? in person? in the flesh. It's ridiculous if you ask me. It is typical, I'll be honest. For someone to fall out of love with you, unexpectedly and so abruptly. But it happens. When they say or give actions for this, they'll never really give you the genuine reason, they'll instead, give you a variety of excuses to protect their own feelings and essentially maybe even yours. How old is he? how old are you for that matter? from what he's saying... he seems like a very confused, potentially very immature teenage boy. If that is the case, then that is understandable for the way he's acting and his reactions in due course to this. If not, then I am unsure. I'm going to assume he made this decision very suddenly, to help benefit him, but soon realized that actually he probably made a mistake, and is in a way trying to hang on to you in a sense that doesn't make it so obvious. It's confusing, and annoying. Breaks up with you then proceeds to say a bunch of things to essentially 'lead you on?'. No, he's definitely trying to boost his ego or have you at any given time he chooses. That in itself, is a very bad quality in a person and very bad quality to have against someone you claimed to 'love and adore' Keep NC. Keep doing you. Rid of this, rid of him. Might seem harsh? maybe so, but there is literally no point in attempting to rekindle with someone when they don't even have a clue what they're doing; literally oblivious to themselves and the actions that surround them. Pathetic in a way. If he gave reasonable responses and left you on a respectable note so that it doesn't seem so strange, then it would mean he actually cared and wants to figure out himself. Once he's done so, he may return. Again I'm unsure. I just think this is a situation with unrequited love again, and a very immature/confused person. You'll overcome this, in time and in healing. Hopefully you find someone who is more suitable to you and is ready to commit. 1
Author Beatrixx Posted October 9, 2016 Author Posted October 9, 2016 Thank you for the response guys. In answer to your questions, we are both in our mid 20s. As for why he felt he couldn't make me happy, well it's not true at all, I was happy. It is just his own insecurities. He suffers from clinical depression and I suffer from anxiety and OCD. I neglected him towards the end of our relationship because I became self absorbed within myself and my issues. However, I'm seeing a councellor now as the break up was a wake up call to me. Even though he's aware of this, he's given me the impression that it's too late now and the damage has been done - he has lost feelings and that's that. Just those conversation snippets tell me he still has feelings and is just scared about rekindling, but maybe it's all in my own head.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 I think he is trying to convince you that you don't want him, so that feels less guilty for ending it. Beyond that, I wouldn't read into his messages. The end result is still the same. 4
lana-banana Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 ExpatInItaly nailed it. He is trying to make a case for the breakup in the hopes that you agree and feel better about breaking it off. I had a guy do this exact same thing to me---completely over-the-top language about how wonderful I was, he was such a monster and awful person, sobbing that he'd never meant to hurt me and he was making the biggest mistake of his life, talking about how it'd be years before he would be ready to date again, telling all our friends we might get back together soon---and he was dating someone else not even six weeks later. He hadn't meant a word of it. He was just trying to make me feel better about the breakup.
ChickiePops Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 Analyzing your old conversations is only making things worse. Trust me, I speak from experience. There are no hidden messages or clues in there.
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