MattMiah Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 My fiance/gf of 9 years with whom i have 2 lovely kids with has recently told me that for the past month shes been meeting up with another guy and that she has no feelings for me anymore and that we are over. It shocked me to hear this and even as i write i still dont understand the reason behind her finding someone else was that i didnt show her any love and that she felt lost and unloved. From my view i understand her im a hardcore gamer and would spend my time playing games but we would always be doing stuff on my days off work and we go on holiday 3 times a year. I pay pretty much everything new car mortgage bills and i cant come to grips with this. Im completely distraught and heartbroken we were due to get married next august, she gave me a week to see if anything would change in that week we got on amazingly i never went on any games we talked, cuddled and had sex. After the week she told me nothings changed in her head and that she wants to be with the other guy ive finally come to understand that we are over. She told me we can stay together in the house for the kids but living seperate lifes. Im not sure if its even going to work i cant imagine another bloke with my girl. I dont even know how to get over it we had everything now ive got nothing the kids are my only hope for happiness now. Does living together but separated work i dont know anyone that lifes like that. Any thoughts i would appreciate thank you
ExpatInItaly Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 No, living together while no longer a couple does not work. That is a ridiculous idea, frankly. It is also ultimately not in the best interest of your children, either. What would be so great about them knowing Mommy has a new boyfriend but still lives with Daddy? Talk about confusing. And how are you going to feel when she comes home late at night (or not at all) after being with her new man? That has disaster written all over it. The kids will see and feel the tension and that's not fair to them. Your ex is looking for a free ride here. If you're paying for everything, of course she doesn't want to leave. Tough cookies. She needs to get out and start accepting the consequences of the choice she made when she cheated on you. You two need to arrange a childcare plan immediately, and she needs to find another place to stay until you work out the logistics of what to do with your shared assets. Don't allow yourself to be used and played for a fool. Get tough - for you and for your kids. 5
Author MattMiah Posted October 10, 2016 Author Posted October 10, 2016 No, living together while no longer a couple does not work. That is a ridiculous idea, frankly. It is also ultimately not in the best interest of your children, either. What would be so great about them knowing Mommy has a new boyfriend but still lives with Daddy? Talk about confusing. And how are you going to feel when she comes home late at night (or not at all) after being with her new man? That has disaster written all over it. The kids will see and feel the tension and that's not fair to them. Your ex is looking for a free ride here. If you're paying for everything, of course she doesn't want to leave. Tough cookies. She needs to get out and start accepting the consequences of the choice she made when she cheated on you. You two need to arrange a childcare plan immediately, and she needs to find another place to stay until you work out the logistics of what to do with your shared assets. Don't allow yourself to be used and played for a fool. Get tough - for you and for your kids. Thanks for your honest answer i know i néed to get tough with her its just going to be so difficult this is the person that i though id be with for the rest of my life. Atm im not coping very but speaking to family and friends has helped alot. Thank you Matt
sharkbite0 Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 The above poster nailed it. Get strong and tough, cause this girl just wants to have her cake and eat it too. Get child care logistics in order and let her know that you aren't going to get run over.
sharkbite0 Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 just keep talking to friends and family. write on here. Go for a run and exercise! its the most important to get out all that extra energy. If you are feeling down and depressed, going for a run will release endorphins, it may be hte hardest thing to do at the time but often times the hardest thing to do is the best thing to do. I'm so sorry this happened to you, but you sound like an awesome person with a lot to offer. Just stay strong. Keep your chin up! you WILL get through this!
lightfoot Posted October 10, 2016 Posted October 10, 2016 (edited) Posts like this make me wonder how one can ever trust a woman. Nine years together, two children, paying for everything, when is it enough? When is a guy allowed to have peace of mind knowing that the woman, relationship, and family he's worked for aren't going away? It gets lonely, but I'm glad I'm single. I can't take a girl from this culture seriously. The reason she's staying in your house is that she's broke and wants the freedom to do whatever she wants while keeping your financial support. Otherwise, she would have tried to take the kids from you. I take it you're from the UK, in which case I think it would be a better idea not to split up with her formally, because you will be destroyed in family court. Edited October 10, 2016 by lightfoot
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