smile95 Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Well to make a long story short.....I am trying to face the fact that there is no getting back together with my ex. I cannot. The reason.....I had a very imp dr appt this week and he knew. He has been acting shady for a while and actaully only text me to say good luck and he would be asleep all day(so basically do not call him after the appt). I thought he would call....no. I called him numerous times to ask him to talk to me cause I was upset. Text him...nothing. How canthis man who loved me for 3 yrs not care about me anymore? This was my waking up point I believe. He is not the pesron I thought. He is not the person I made him out to be. I am sad and kinda obsessed with talking to him now! I have to stop contacting. He is a jerk for hurting me this way-I have done nothing wrong(except maybe some obsessive text) But I wuld not have if he hasd respinded to my calls or 1 text after my appt, ya know. Anyways.....It is hitting me hard that I can never forgive him for this. Never. Along with all the other crappy ways he has treated me. I am going thru all these sceanrios and have no proof of and and just making myself sick thinking. I guess I should not think of why he did this, but think that I do not deseve this -correct? Someone asked me today what it was about him that i loved....i paused....thought....and said "I just love him". I guess that is a sign that I may not know what love is yet. I thought I did. Eventho we had a great connection......that does not make a realtionship right? Somany other things are important?
sanne Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 beth honey you seem way too obsessed with this man. you realize that he's a a jerk, that he's bad for you, i mean what else is there to know. now it's time to walk the walk, stop talking and just suck it up and do what you know you need to do. yes it sucks, it sucks for all of us, but we are all doing it because we know we have to. your a smart, beautiful, and caring woman and any guy would be lucky to have you. why not find someone that appreciates you?
not_myself Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Beth - I have followed a lot of your posts - I thought you were doing NC for good just a few days ago!! WHat happened?
Author smile95 Posted July 9, 2005 Author Posted July 9, 2005 well...i was until i got not so good news from the dr and I was emotional and just needed to talk to someone(no excuse, but I was very upset).
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 I'm sure the dr. didn't have alarming news?!! I hope not, and that you're feeling better now... Bethie...do what I'm doing. Just accept that he will NOT call. If I have something important happen to me, of course my first thought would be to let him know / update him about it. It's natural, since we want to feel that people think about us. But now, as soon as I think about telling him - I realize he isn't going to respond!! And honestly, I'm tired and my self-respect has been shattered too much by this person. I think to myself, "who the hell is he, anyway?! Would I let anyone else treat me this way?! NO I WOULD NOT". In fact, no-one would ever even treat me that way, it's just him who takes me for granted, enough to roundly ignore me. And I realize that I can NEVER put up with that. To tell you the truth, somewhere in my mind, I haven't accepted for certain either that "it's over". But hey, if that's too painful right now, don't force yourself to dwell on it. But what I have decided is not to contact him, it's actually easier to not contact him because I don't have to get myself in a knot waiting for him to answer. I just don't have the strength to do that now. A lot of it is about self-respect, about "showing him" that you can do it too. I know that if I contact him now, he'll think "Yay! I win!" He'll see it as a sign of weakness, a sign of losing the NC game to him. And I ain't gonna give him the pleasure now. And although in my mind I haven't accepted that it's really ended, I honestly don't want to be with him at this point. I know I deserve better - I think of his weaknesses! So, just stick to NC because you don't want to lose...again. If he tries to contact you, don't respond...just don't. Give yourself 2 months, and then we'll see where you are. Meanwhile, try and see a doctor again....you do need help to overcome the classic trio - depression, anxiety disorder, and compulsive / repetitive behavior. I believe most of us on LS have gone through it / are going through it, it's just that it varies in intensity. You have to help the person that you are!! Don't let yourself go waste...not after him!!
Author smile95 Posted July 9, 2005 Author Posted July 9, 2005 thanks.....well, sadly, the news really was quite alarming. I will ok though. YOu are very right-who is HE! I do not need him really, but a familiar voice would have been nice. You sound like you are doing so much better and that is great! I am going to the pool Sat and shopping(just some things for me). I guess I am overly excited about MY day since it is 5am and I am awake! lol I do have obsessive/compulsive thoughts I suppose. I am trying to get to a therapist, but it is free at my current job, but I am starting a new one soon, so I am not sure how that will work. But, I am going back.
Zaira Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 Originally posted by beth5201 Well to make a long story short.....I am trying to face the fact that there is no getting back together with my ex. I cannot. The reason.....I had a very imp dr appt this week and he knew. He has been acting shady for a while and actaully only text me to say good luck and he would be asleep all day(so basically do not call him after the appt). I thought he would call....no. I called him numerous times to ask him to talk to me cause I was upset. Text him...nothing. How canthis man who loved me for 3 yrs not care about me anymore? This was my waking up point I believe. He is not the pesron I thought. He is not the person I made him out to be. I am sad and kinda obsessed with talking to him now! I have to stop contacting. He is a jerk for hurting me this way-I have done nothing wrong(except maybe some obsessive text) But I wuld not have if he hasd respinded to my calls or 1 text after my appt, ya know. Anyways.....It is hitting me hard that I can never forgive him for this. Never. Along with all the other crappy ways he has treated me. I am going thru all these sceanrios and have no proof of and and just making myself sick thinking. I guess I should not think of why he did this, but think that I do not deseve this -correct? Someone asked me today what it was about him that i loved....i paused....thought....and said "I just love him". I guess that is a sign that I may not know what love is yet. I thought I did. Eventho we had a great connection......that does not make a realtionship right? Somany other things are important? I know exactly what you are going through, and it sucks.
Kat Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by beth5201 well...i was until i got not so good news from the dr and I was emotional and just needed to talk to someone(no excuse, but I was very upset). If it has nothing to do with him, then he doesn't need to know. You and I both know that you will get more sympathy from a dog or cat then him You just have to focus on why you left, not why you lept going back
theone44 Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by beth5201 Well to make a long story short.....I am trying to face the fact that there is no getting back together with my ex. I cannot. The reason.....I had a very imp dr appt this week and he knew. He has been acting shady for a while and actaully only text me to say good luck and he would be asleep all day(so basically do not call him after the appt). I thought he would call....no. I called him numerous times to ask him to talk to me cause I was upset. Text him...nothing. How canthis man who loved me for 3 yrs not care about me anymore? This was my waking up point I believe. He is not the pesron I thought. He is not the person I made him out to be. I am sad and kinda obsessed with talking to him now! I have to stop contacting. He is a jerk for hurting me this way-I have done nothing wrong(except maybe some obsessive text) But I wuld not have if he hasd respinded to my calls or 1 text after my appt, ya know. Anyways.....It is hitting me hard that I can never forgive him for this. Never. Along with all the other crappy ways he has treated me. I am going thru all these sceanrios and have no proof of and and just making myself sick thinking. I guess I should not think of why he did this, but think that I do not deseve this -correct? Someone asked me today what it was about him that i loved....i paused....thought....and said "I just love him". I guess that is a sign that I may not know what love is yet. I thought I did. Eventho we had a great connection......that does not make a realtionship right? Somany other things are important? I bet you he was a bad boy that treated you badly. that why u loveth him,but you want accept a good man who can be your bestfriend,and treat u well. Well some women deserve to be treated badly for making bad choices when choosing men.
VirginiaBob Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 I bet you he was a bad boy that treated you badly. that why u loveth him,but you want accept a good man who can be your bestfriend,and treat u well. Well some women deserve to be treated badly for making bad choices when choosing men. Good point.
Lonestar Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by theone44 I bet you he was a bad boy that treated you badly. that why u loveth him,but you want accept a good man who can be your bestfriend,and treat u well. Well some women deserve to be treated badly for making bad choices when choosing men. Oh shut up! No one deserves to be treated badly. Everyone makes bad choices, and I'll bet you have too. I'm guessing you're a bitter "nice" guy who has problems getting dates, so you see a woman in distress and pain and rip her up for not choosing a guy like you. Get off your pedestal. I'm sure this guy treated her like gold in the beginning. They all do, but then one day they wake up and attitudes completely change. It's hard to accept that the person you love who was so wonderful and loving to you one day, totally rejects and sh*ts on you the next. And this happens all the time.
Author smile95 Posted July 10, 2005 Author Posted July 10, 2005 Lonestar you are correct and NO he was not a bad boy AT ALL. CLean cut. Great JOb. Very consaervative.............Not a "bad boy" bone in this man's body.Sorry to disappoint ya!
theone44 Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by Lonestar Oh shut up! No one deserves to be treated badly. Everyone makes bad choices, and I'll bet you have too. I'm guessing you're a bitter "nice" guy who has problems getting dates, so you see a woman in distress and pain and rip her up for not choosing a guy like you. Get off your pedestal. I'm sure this guy treated her like gold in the beginning. They all do, but then one day they wake up and attitudes completely change. It's hard to accept that the person you love who was so wonderful and loving to you one day, totally rejects and sh*ts on you the next. And this happens all the time. boy i must be good,sorry but i'm already taken,and she is a good woman. Most women alway's going back to the men that mistreat them. go down to the grave or the nut house,and u will see how many are dead or emotional screw-up in their head. I knew my opinion suck,but take it and it will set u free. i will never let some-one mistreat me, and then take them back for more emotional beating. Well u get what u ask for.
Leah Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Actually, Lonestar, I agree with VirginiaBob. Alot of women (alot of people) do seem to obsess over those people who treat them in the worst ways and at the same time ignore those who demonstrate the ability to bring them security and stability in a relationship. What can you say but that's a bit of a sick situation. When this gets to be a pattern ... well, maybe they do "deserve" it. One can only hope they'll wake up to facts & eventually begin to make the better choice in relationships. As for Beth, I believe she is well on her way to recognizing the important issues in this scenario, for instance: 1. "He is not the pesron (sic) I thought. He is not the person I made him out to be. " 2. "....and said "I just love him". I guess that is a sign that I may not know what love is yet. " Obviously, Beth is well on her way to great realizations and, as a result, she will eventually achieve the ability to discern people's intentions and make the better choice in relationships.
Author smile95 Posted July 10, 2005 Author Posted July 10, 2005 thanks Leah....I do feel like I am heading down the road of getting over this and understanding the way I feel and why I do. I just have to think of it all logically and not with my emotional heart.
sanne Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 beth i can honestly say i think you have one of the biggest hearts of anyone on this forum. maybe that's why you are going through so much pain because you put everything you had into the relationship.
Author smile95 Posted July 10, 2005 Author Posted July 10, 2005 You know everyone tells me that and I always thought that was a great quality...is it, but maybe sometimes I have too much hope and faith and forgiveness, ya know...to the point where it ends up hurting me. I know it is a good quality to trust people and give them the benefit of the doubt and want to make them happy, but I guess there is a point that you reach where you have to realize that some people take advantage of that and some people appreciate that. i just have to choose wisely. thanks.
lindya Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by theone44 go down to the grave or the nut house,and u will see how many are dead or emotional screw-up in their head. Sounds like you have some strange hobbies, theone.
Lonestar Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by lindya Sounds like you have some strange hobbies, theone.
Sal Paradise Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Not sure why everyone is attacking theone44, its not like he is stating something that isn't true or hasn't been suggested a thousand times before on this board and in various books. It doesn't sound like what he suggested is true for beth but its very true for many women.
brittani Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 hey beth i had read a couple of your threads, i am just curious about what you had to go to the doctor for, b/c i did and it wasn't so good and i need help on how to tell my boyfriend the news. if yours was maybe similar to why i went to the doctor maybe you can help me!!!!
theone44 Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 Originally posted by Sal Paradise Not sure why everyone is attacking theone44, its not like he is stating something that isn't true or hasn't been suggested a thousand times before on this board and in various books. It doesn't sound like what he suggested is true for beth but its very true for many women. Hey Sal Paradise what up. i'm not worry about people attracting me,cuz they know i am right. The one's that are attacking the comment i make. These are the same people who keep going back to there exes,that cares nothing about them,but just using them now for more emotional beating. I get sick of their whinning and crying like little babies. Everytime these same people keep going back to their exes for another beat down. They deserve every beating that they get.
JAyJAy Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 Girl, you need to pause for a whole lot more than just a second. When you do>> don't ask your self why do I love him, why is he doing this to me?? Tell yourself that your better than this. You can get through this..It sounds like to me that their was more lust than love and that is what your so hung up on. We are human, we have emotions and hormones, thats allowed, but remember we always prevail. Be strong and then ill minded. If he doesn't call you, don't call him.. When he text you text him back, but each time you do text back a rude or disgusting comment, so that he thinks that your crazy and leaves you alone for good...TRY IT!!! Leave him alone.. He is no good..
theone44 Posted July 13, 2005 Posted July 13, 2005 Originally posted by JAyJAy Girl, you need to pause for a whole lot more than just a second. When you do>> don't ask your self why do I love him, why is he doing this to me?? Tell yourself that your better than this. You can get through this..It sounds like to me that their was more lust than love and that is what your so hung up on. We are human, we have emotions and hormones, thats allowed, but remember we always prevail. Be strong and then ill minded. If he doesn't call you, don't call him.. When he text you text him back, but each time you do text back a rude or disgusting comment, so that he thinks that your crazy and leaves you alone for good...TRY IT!!! Leave him alone.. He is no good.. exactly.what i been trying to get across. I could never figure out why people(esp.women). Want to still be with some-one,who care less about them. Boy,no self-respect and low self esteem must be on the rise these days. With all the good,nice single men and women in the world,they still holding on to some-one,who is still mean,nasty and honery toward them.
Author smile95 Posted July 13, 2005 Author Posted July 13, 2005 . I could never figure out why people(esp.women). Want to still be with some-one,who care less about them YOu will never know if you have never been there. Same as women who go back after they have been beaten. It is called brainswashing and emotional abuse. It justs takes a while to see it, get help, and get out.
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