Coldfire Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 I guy I met recently asked on Tuesday if I'd like to go out on the weekend. I wasn't feeling great and had a deadline on Sunday night. So we agreed to meet next week. Deadline was changed and I recovered two days later so I texted to tell him that I can meet If he doesn't have other plans already....he didn't want to tell me he had other plans but it became obvious and I feel very stupid that I texted at all. Is it a very bad move to do this in the early stages of daring someone ? I feel it wasn't right to text once I said this week wasn't good, yet I also feel a bit upset he was no longer available. I just didn't think ;(
smackie9 Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 You did nothing wrong. He prob thought you were blowing him off and got wary or you caught him off guard. Seriously if he got weird then you are better off meeting someone else. 5
Arieswoman Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 OP, I agree you did nothing wrong. You asked to reschedule and he wasn't available. Don't sweat it. Carry on with your original plans and enjoy yourself 2
Author Coldfire Posted October 12, 2016 Author Posted October 12, 2016 Thanks ladies. I think you are right and I think he is not that interested. I asked if he wants to meet up this coming weekend and now he says he has a deadline (!) a coincidence, or he is seeing someone else this weekend or a really lame move. Hard to tell but I guess it doesn't matter.
leogirl876 Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 Thanks ladies. I think you are right and I think he is not that interested. I asked if he wants to meet up this coming weekend and now he says he has a deadline (!) a coincidence, or he is seeing someone else this weekend or a really lame move. Hard to tell but I guess it doesn't matter. Whatever you do, don't start pursuing a man before you even meet him, and don't pursue him in the beginning either. I think it's best to let the man come to you and pursue you because things that a man has to work for, they value more. If after you become exclusive, then that's a different story. And I don't think it's bad if you've been on at least 3 dates to send him a text or call every once in a while, like for every 3 times he reaches out, you can then reach out once just so he doesn't feel like he's doing everything. If this guy doesn't call you up and ask you out again, he never was that interested to begin with. 1
angel.eyes Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 Have you ever been on a date with him? Obviously, you aren't in a relationship with him, right? Why would he drop his plans just because some stranger is suddenly free and available after claiming she was busy. I wouldn't either. Certainly not for someone displaying flaky behavior like you did. Neither of you was in the wrong originally. But you getting all bent out of shape because he didn't hop to it as soon as you found yourself with free time is beyond ridiculous. Thinking that he doesn't have a life and isn't going to make other weekend plans...because he once asked you on a date? :lmao:
Author Coldfire Posted October 12, 2016 Author Posted October 12, 2016 Ive been on 4 dates with him and he seemed very much into me. This is why I suggested to see him once I became available. Then initiated this tine because I felt I need to show interest after all the attention from him. But he is giving mixed signals. If he really likes me he wouldnt want to go a 2nd week without seeing me, right? I don't have time to meet during the week though except for first dates so this may be an issue. I clearly don't expect him to drop everything after 4 dates and spend every weekend with me! I asked if he had any time at all... Have you ever been on a date with him? Obviously, you aren't in a relationship with him, right? Why would he drop his plans just because some stranger is suddenly free and available after claiming she was busy. I wouldn't either. Certainly not for someone displaying flaky behavior like you did. Neither of you was in the wrong originally. But you getting all bent out of shape because he didn't hop to it as soon as you found yourself with free time is beyond ridiculous. Thinking that he doesn't have a life and isn't going to make other weekend plans...because he once asked you on a date? :lmao:
Author Coldfire Posted October 12, 2016 Author Posted October 12, 2016 Ive been on 4 dates with him and he seemed very much into me. This is why I suggested to see him once I became available. Then initiated this tine because I felt I need to show interest after all the attention from him. But he is giving mixed signals. If he really likes me he wouldnt want to go a 2nd week without seeing me, right? I don't have time to meet during the week though except for first dates so this may be an issue. I clearly don't expect him to drop everything after 4 dates and spend every weekend with me! But I asked if he had any time at all.. Have you ever been on a date with him? Obviously, you aren't in a relationship with him, right? Why would he drop his plans just because some stranger is suddenly free and available after claiming she was busy. I wouldn't either. Certainly not for someone displaying flaky behavior like you did. Neither of you was in the wrong originally. But you getting all bent out of shape because he didn't hop to it as soon as you found yourself with free time is beyond ridiculous. Thinking that he doesn't have a life and isn't going to make other weekend plans...because he once asked you on a date? :lmao:
angel.eyes Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 Ive been on 4 dates with him and he seemed very much into me. This is why I suggested to see him once I became available. Then initiated this tine because I felt I need to show interest after all the attention from him. Agree with this. Certainly nothing wrong with reaching out once your calendar freed up. But he is giving mixed signals. If he really likes me he wouldnt want to go a 2nd week without seeing me, right? Whose fault is it that there was a two-week delay? Weren't you the one who couldn't meet originally? Why wouldn't he make alternate plans once you claimed you were busy? Is he to sit around twiddling his thumbs for two weeks just in case you might become free? I don't have time to meet during the week though except for first dates so this may be an issue. Again, who's fault is it that there is a two-week delay between dates??? Perhaps if you want this to progress, stop going out other first dates and free up some of those weekdays to see him. I clearly don't expect him to drop everything after 4 dates and spend every weekend with me! I asked if he had any time at all... He doesn't have time this weekend. When you claimed to be busy, he made other plans. Why is this so problematic for you? Can't he have a life outside of you? Especially considering all the constraints you place around dating you? No weekdays (because that's when you're vetting other dates), some weekends...only when it suits you. Who exactly is sending mixed signals here?
Author Coldfire Posted October 12, 2016 Author Posted October 12, 2016 angel.eyes You win;) totally. There is more to the story but, yes, I was unavailable last week then by the time I became available he made other plans. He then asked repeatedly to meet during the week this week but I was reluctant (because u r right i am vetting other dates). I cant blame him for having other plans this sat/sun. So how do I fix the situation now. I wasn't exactly nice when he said he couldnt meet this weekend... help!!! Agree with this. Certainly nothing wrong with reaching out once your calendar freed up. Whose fault is it that there was a two-week delay? Weren't you the one who couldn't meet originally? Why wouldn't he make alternate plans once you claimed you were busy? Is he to sit around twiddling his thumbs for two weeks just in case you might become free? Again, who's fault is it that there is a two-week delay between dates??? Perhaps if you want this to progress, stop going out other first dates and free up some of those weekdays to see him. He doesn't have time this weekend. When you claimed to be busy, he made other plans. Why is this so problematic for you? Can't he have a life outside of you? Especially considering all the constraints you place around dating you? No weekdays (because that's when you're vetting other dates), some weekends...only when it suits you. Who exactly is sending mixed signals here?
angel.eyes Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 Big picture, first, then we'll talk about this guy in particular. I think if you get beyond a couple of dates with a guy, then you need to decide whether you want to focus on him or continue to explore your options. You can't do both or you'll end up never progressing things. Most people are pretty good at picking up when someone they're dating is still playing the field and in exploration mode...as is still clearly the case with you. I would argue that if four dates in, you still feel the need to prioritize random first dates over a known quantity, then he isn't the right person for you. Are you genuinely interested in this guy or is your ego just bruised that he won't drop everything as soon as you say "boo?" My impression is that it's more the latter. In that case, let him go so that he can find someone who is genuinely interested in him and what he has to offer. That's not you.
Author Coldfire Posted October 12, 2016 Author Posted October 12, 2016 Thank you for the words of wisdom! I don't consider this person to be someone I could share my life with but he is a perfect Mr Right Now . The chemistry is great. I shower him with attention and like him genuinely. He has treated me very well. Isn't the very fact that I want to offer my weekends to him enough of an expression of my level of interest? The main reason I don't schedule dates with him during the week is because our dates have lasted over 5-6 hours every time. He has a much more flexible schedule while I need to wake up at 6. However, i must admit that he suggested lunch near my office this week and I declined. Yes, it is probably my ego talking - why isn't he dropping everything to see me when I want him?! Anyway, I have concluded the conversation with a sad emoticon when he said that he couldn't meet during the coming weekend. I think this is immature . I really want this guy and perhaps I can something to fix things. What about a romantic email??!!! Too much? Big picture, first, then we'll talk about this guy in particular. I think if you get beyond a couple of dates with a guy, then you need to decide whether you want to focus on him or continue to explore your options. You can't do both or you'll end up never progressing things. Most people are pretty good at picking up when someone they're dating is still playing the field and in exploration mode...as is still clearly the case with you. I would argue that if four dates in, you still feel the need to prioritize random first dates over a known quantity, then he isn't the right person for you. Are you genuinely interested in this guy or is your ego just bruised that he won't drop everything as soon as you say "boo?" My impression is that it's more the latter. In that case, let him go so that he can find someone who is genuinely interested in him and what he has to offer. That's not you.
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