superman76 Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 I'll try to keep this brief. I'm 40 yrs old. I've been "dating" a woman for nearly 2 years now. It started as real dating and looked promising but after a major career/life change a few months in, I ended it...I was scared and unsure. A few days later she roped me in with sex and basically said we could still do that together. So we did and sometimes I was busy or just not too worried about it so it worked well...she'd call on me or I'd call on her and we'd hang out. She's an amazing woman to be around. Very sweet, considerate and loving. When we're together, it's like we're boyfriend/girlfriend. BUT...besides her few close friends that know about me, I'm pretty much a secret. She's met my mother once and a lot of my friends at least know about her. My feelings started to grow recently and she explained a while ago that she is happy with her life the way it is. She's raising an austistic daughter, runs a family business and has a few close friends she sees when she has time. THen there's me...I'm at the bottom of that list. She's careful not to say anything to me that may give me false hope but I think it's so she can not feel guilty if things go sour. She's admitted that if I were to end things, she'd probably just end up finding another friend with benefits. She was with her ex for 9 years....it didn't seem too bad but he did cheat on her and eventually left her. Her most recent relationship was about 10 months on/off but she called him "needy". It makes me wonder if this hot/cold, push/pull game she plays with me drove him to APPEAR needy sometimes. She doesn't want a man to be a full-time commitment or involved in other parts of her life. We recently spent our first mini vacation together and it was her first time being away with a guy since before she had her daughter almost 8 years ago. It was amazing. She was everything I wanted the entire time. But it seems that when i start to express feelings and ask her questions about hers, she pulls away and doesn't know what to say. Then the next day, she'll do something sweet like drop off lunch for me. We see each other sometimes once per week, sometimes only once or twice per month. And that's not enough for me. I'm trying to bust down these "walls" she admits to having built. I think she is just keeping me around because she knows I'll drop everything to be with her, I'll be okay if the cancels on me and I can give her the affection she needs when she wants it (on her schedule). And if I behave and don't say things to push her away, she's got exactly what she wants. I'm at my breaking point. I'm angry and very hurt. I'm trying to wait out the weekend while she does her thing with her friends and leave her alone but it's not easy and I shouldn't have to walk on eggshells because she's pulled away again.
Gloria25 Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 Why are you angry and hurt? She was with her last guy 9 years. That shows that while she has her own world and limited time with you - she's capable of being with one guy. I mean, the woman not only has a child and a business, she has a child with special needs. She IS a busy person. Most men that would be "married" to a woman in her situation would probably get NO sex and/or time spent. Also, I believe what my favorite podcaster recommends - which is no re-marriages and/or dragging your kid to/from people you are dating, cuz it's bad for the kids. Wait till the kids are 18, up and out and marry who you want. In the meantime, just see people for "hamburgers on weekends" - which what she's doing with you. She's protecting her child from heartache from exposing her child to guys she's dating - especially when the likelyhood of a break up with some guy she's dating will happen. So, I don't see what the problem is here. You know, I was thinking about this issue this week. Men don't like it when the tables are turned. They think you're supposed to be sitting pretty and they call you whenever, but the day you put them in that position - they are hurt and sad and whatnot. Just enjoy the sex and company and stop trying to make it look like you're being maneaten, victimized, etc. Geesh:rolleyes: 1
joseb Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 I also don't see the problem op. You broke it off with her. Then she offered you a fwb relationship and you agreed. It sounds like she has been clear that that is what it is and what she wants. If you are going along with it, I would think she thinks you are ok with it. I don't see any push pull or games from her at all. What exactly has she done to make you angry and upset? 1
smackie9 Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 If you are uncomfortable with the whole deal with her behavior, then end it simple as that. Simplify, look for someone who doesn't mess you up at every turn.
Poppy47 Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 I understand where this woman is. She has her own established life. On top of that she has an autistic child. Raising a child with special needs can be very demanding. You already agree to the FWB status and she is sticking to it because that's all she wants. It might be all she is capable of giving you. If you want somebody with no ties, who is willing to devote her time and her entire life to you, this lady isn't the one. Don't be angry with you friend. She does not appear to have done anything wrong. Leave it behind you and find somebody who suits you better. Poppy. 1
PogoStick Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 She backs off because you keep breaking the boundaries of your FWB agreement. You're also sounding like the kind of needy guy that scared her off previously. She doesn't want a serious committed relationship with you. Accept it or end it.
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