Older and Wiser Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 I'm a 26 year old female with an ex-boyfriend 'problem'. About 4 years ago I dated a man and fell pretty hard. At the time I was insecure, over my head, and just plain stupid. Well, the relationship moved pretty fast and very abruptly after about 4 months he took off without a trace (he was very good friends with my brother prior to this and left him without a trace as well). Later, I suspected he went back to his ex, something that has not been confirmed nor denied. Flash forward 2 years, I answered the phone at my brothers home - it was my ex who proceeded to give me a lengthy apology and asking me to give him another chance, blah blah blah. He sounded like a depressed desperate man and I blew him off pretty good, although forgave him long before this. Flash forward to about 3 weeks ago to when a good friend of ours passed away and he re-entered our friendship circle. On day 1 back in town he confessed to one of our (big mouthed) friends that he was still in love with me and didnt know what to say to me. Not knowing this, I purposely made a big effort to make him feel comfortable with us again, mostly for my brothers sake, who missed him dearly. It worked and since then, he's been around quite a bit. We've had some nice long friendly chats, but he has since confessed to me his feelings, his regrets, and his desire to be back in my life. I'm surprisingly happy to see him. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed his company and conversation - and am still very attracted to him, something I'm bad at hiding. The problem is that I'm not convinced that he has changed, nor am I convinced that his feelings are more than him trying to fill a void. Not to mention that I have doubts about his 'staying power.' Any advice is welcome.
aares Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Oh man, that is crazy. I would find out what exactly made him disappear in the first place, then go from there. Personally, I would not even talk to the person if they did the same to me, but that is just my opinion. If he really loved you, he wouldnt have just vanished without warning, especially for that long of a time. It sounds to me like he is trying to fill a void, and I suggest not starting a relationship with him again. Atleast find out why he did what he did, then maybe that will clear up some thoughts you are having.
older and wiser Posted July 11, 2005 Posted July 11, 2005 Originally posted by aares Oh man, that is crazy. I would find out what exactly made him disappear in the first place, then go from there. Personally, I would not even talk to the person if they did the same to me, but that is just my opinion. If he really loved you, he wouldnt have just vanished without warning, especially for that long of a time. It sounds to me like he is trying to fill a void, and I suggest not starting a relationship with him again. Atleast find out why he did what he did, then maybe that will clear up some thoughts you are having. Thanks for the input. I am going to have a sit down with him one of these days and then just feel it out from there. I thought I would have the same reaction to him as you stated - in fact up until these recent weeks, I was pretty damn sure that I had evicted every thought and feeling for him. Somehow I was wrong. I too, get the sense that he is looking to fill some gaps in his own person .... but I must admit, I would really like to believe that his feelings are much deeper than that and that he's changed in our time apart ... ahhh, hopeless romanticism!
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