WTF is up with him?! Should I send him this email?

[XNemesisX]

I drove 5 hours to see this guy this past weekend. He tells me he loves me, wants us to be exclusive and all this crap just to completely ignore me only days later. I think he's bipolar or borderline. He did try to kill himself about 7 months ago.

 

Anyway, I let my temper get the best of me. I have sent him several text messages since the trip here are some of them:

 

Just as I expected.

So over it. Goodbye bitch.

 

Then last night I got wasted and decided to call him AGAIN (why why why) and the first one I left was nice but the second one was pretty mean. I pretty much called him a piece of sh*t and to f*** off among other obscenities.

 

He calls back last night and leaves me a voicemail (I was passed out) saying "sorry you hate me so much. You snapped from a sorta nice voicemail to a really hateful one. Anyway, sorry you hate me so much. I will call you tomorrow. Bye."

 

Doesn't sound too bad, right?

 

Well he called today and I didn't answer it right away I was still in the bed. When I called him back he just said, "I really like working for 16 hours straight and then getting to listen to hate mail. " I was like "I'm sorry I barely remember ---" he hung up on me before I could finish.

 

I call back....and I tell him I'm sorry and ONCE AGAIN he says he will call me tomorrow. He always f***ing says that!!!!

 

I'm done with him. I even sent him a text msg a few minutes ago telling him I'm sorry AGAIN. How did this get turned on me apologizing? He's the one who apparently can't even take 5 minutes out of his day to call me or even text me. He's the one who didn't even call me to make sure I made it back okay after driving 5 hours to spend the weekend wtih him!!!@!

 

I think that *if* he calls me tomorrow like he claims he will, I will tell him I don't think we should see eachother or speak to each other anymore. OR I will email him this: (Tell me what you think)

 

J,

 

I don't know how things got as f***ed up as they are. I saw a change in you toward the end of the weekend and I don't know what I did to make you act differently and I can't read your mind and know what I'm doing wrong if I did do something wrong. I don't care for someone messing with my feelings and you telling me you love me and want us to be exclusive one day then ignoring me the next. I don't know if I offended you when L asked us if we were dating and I said "no" when you said "yes" at the same time. I didn't know we were dating, I thought you were just drunk when you said that the night before. Anyway, I think that we aren't right for each other, I'm sure you feel the same. I know I have more experiences than you with relationships so I see red flags a lot sooner than I used to. When we hadn't seen each other in 6 months and are already fighting this bad after just spending 2 days together then it's not a good sign. Besides, things would be too complicated anyway with you being my friend's ex and also the distance.

 

I also think we have different opinions on how important phone calls are. I'm not a phone person but if you act like you want to be my boyfriend then the least you can do is take 5 minutes out of your day to call me, or at the very least text msg me. Since you do not seem to want to put forth this effort, I don't think I want to go any further with you dating or otherwise. I don't think dating is what you want right now. You should probably just focus on work and your child and deal with relationships when you are ready to put forth effort.

 

I wish you the best of luck, and I will remember the fun times we had. I will also always remember how you stood up for me to M. 6 months ago. That meant a lot to me.

 

B

 

What do you all think? Should I send this?

[TUDOR]

sounds like it says what needs to be said. But if you send it you have to follow through with what you are saying in it and leave him alone. No more drunk dialing or texting. Otay?

[Prim&proper]

Let it go. What's the point of sending the email? I think you should move on.

[JS17]

No...take a few days to cool down.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

You need some time to cool your jets......otherwise you are going to look crazier than him..

[J dub]

Take it from me who made the mistake a couple years ago of sending an email that at the TIME I thought was perfect, but it ended up making everything worse.

 

Just play it cool for a few days and lay low. Dont send it ...yet anyway.

[smile95]

I am clearly not the person to answer this considering I prob just lost mine forever with all my texts....lol

 

I would wait a week and see what happens. Re read it. You may just be writing out of anger. Do you really never want to speak to him again?

 

I do find it odd that he never called after your ride home? Mine used to do that too? Maybe it is a guy thing?

 

Who knows...keep us updated!

[XNemesisX]

Ok...I won't send it just yet. I have an impulse problem so I will have to try extra hard not to just hit send without thinking it through or waiting to make sure it's realy what I want to say.

 

I just have a feeling he wants me gone and it's almost like I want to beat him to the punch. I want to tell him I don't want to see him anymore rather than wait for the inevitable and hear him say it to me.

 

Beth, I really do want to keep speaking to him but I'm so fed up with this. I guess I should probably play it on the safe side...give myself some time to cool down and then send it if I still feel the same way in a week.

 

You need some time to cool your jets......otherwise you are going to look crazier than him..

 

 

You are probably right. I have probably really made myself look like a nut past couple days...

[WhereSpiritsRoam]

Originally posted by XNemesisX

I have probably really made myself look like a nut past couple days...

 

No comment.

[XNemesisX]

Ummmm...ok?

 

Take your personal grudge against me elsewhere, D.

You are crazier than I could ever dream of being.

[JS17]

something that i do to relieve that impulse send is sending the email to myself.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by XNemesisX

 

I want to beat him to the punch. I want to tell him I don't want to see him anymore rather than wait for the inevitable and hear him say it to me.

 

Ahh it's the power..you want the power... I have done this before but in the end it stills stings just as bad

[XNemesisX]

I guess I do want the power. All weekend he was acting like he was crazy about me, just like the last time we dated. We dated for about 2 months after my big breakup. So, I guess you could say he was a rebound relationship that I later regretted ending.

 

Funny how he turned the tables on me. Now I'm the one acting like the crazy person and calling him and getting mad at him for not calling. This is exactly how he acted to me 6 months ago. He was actually far more persistent than me. He is even the one to INVITE me to spend the weekend with him. I just don't get him. He needs to figure out what he wants and stop messing with people's emotions. He did the same thing to my friend and a guy I know that knows him told me to stay away from him becuase he was "the biggest scumbag."

 

I should have listened to that guy but I guess I had to see it for myself.

 

Oh....and I know this sounds mean but another thing that bugs me is that J is probably the most unattractive person I have ever dated. He's overweight, has boobs bigger than most girls, crooked jacked up teeth, and overall pretty ugly. But there was something about him that I liked --I guess his personality. Heh, apparently hes not even that nice though so he has nothing going for him.

 

I am pissed I admit it. I am SOO pissed.

[XNemesisX]

Originally posted by WhereSpiritsRoam

No comment.

 

Yeah ICEISLES I'm a NUT because I didn't want to have phone sex with you. Have you had any more luck harassing people on LS for a good time over the phone?

 

Dork.

[noname]

questions:

 

why is it that you hate this guy?

because he didn't call you or is there more behind it?

 

why are you pursuing a relationship with someone who has recently tried to kill himself?

 

and why would you want power over someone such as this?

 

sounds like he needs help, and you guys locking horns like this may not be the most healthy course of action... but that is just my opinion...

[XNemesisX]

Originally posted by noname

questions:

 

why is it that you hate this guy?

 

I don't hate him. I'm just not happy with how he has treated me.

 

because he didn't call you or is there more behind it?

 

Well I guess the fact that he didn't call me to check and see if I was OK after driving 5 hours to see him and passing up plans with my friends to hang out with him instead left a sour taste in my mouth. Then he only called me 2 days later because I had sent him a text the night before that said "Just as I expected." Otherwise, he probably wouldn't have called me. There is probably a bit more to the story...to sum it up he is friends with my ex and he KNOWS how much hell I went through. He has been hot on my tail and pursuing me since 7-8 months ago and now he is *all of the sudden* acting like he couldn't give a rat's a** about me. I was even there for him when he was going through really bad depression and tried to kill himself. But by God you better believe that if I need someone to talk to he will be no where in sight. No good deed goes unpunished apparently. All he cares about is himself.

 

why are you pursuing a relationship with someone who has recently tried to kill himself?

 

Good question. I probably shouldn't be. I think that now I'm seeing his true colors I can see why he wanted to kill himself. He has no concern for other people and how they feel. Just like how he tried to kill himself without thinking about how much pain he would have put his parents through. It's all about him. He makes ME drive 5 hours to see him but when I mentioned him coming to see me, he said "you have orbs in your apartment so i wouldn't stay there." Yeah, real good excuse. Basically, he thinks the world should revolve around him.

 

and why would you want power over someone such as this?

 

Because I cannot handle another rejection right now.

[shygurl]

So you spent the weekend with him and it seems things went very well, he treated you great, etc. So why are you so p*ssed and sending him these nasty text msgs/why all the hostility?

 

is it because you made the 5 hr drive back home and he didn't contact you to ensure you got home safely? Is that what this is all about?

[orta]

It seems, to me, that one of you got upset over something that the other did not quite understand. Harsh words were exchanged, with the recipient still not understanding exactly what the person was upset about. The confusion multiplied, made the both of you angry, causing you two to behave erratically. When one of you starts to calm down about the situation, the other will start things right up again. This seems to be a harsh cycle.

 

If you are so angry about this guy, and how he has been treating you, how do you justify remaining with him? Do you even know if the two of you are still together after all of this? Are you sure it's a good idea to remain in the relationship, if the relationship still exists?

 

Are you sure it is really all this guy's fault? Are you entirely innocent here?

 

This is all too confusing for me. I have read things over a few times, and I still don't know exactly what is going on. I have a feeling that the two of you are probably just as confused.

[XNemesisX]

Yes, this is very confusing. I'm still at a loss for what exactly went wrong.

 

The only things I can think of would be that maybe he got upset that I told this girl L at his hometown that I wasn't dating him when he told her we were. I just didn't know for sure!

The other thing I can think of was that maybe he just wanted a little fun for the weekend and after he got what he wanted hes through with me.

 

We have dated before, so we know each other. But we hadn't seen each other in over 6 months until I spent the weekend with him. Maybe he thought I was "hard to get" until I drove 5 hours to hang out with him and now I'm not someone to chase anymore. Maybe he thinks I'm desperate for doing that.

 

Shygurl,

I do think a lot of my anger has to do with him not calling to check on me. My car has been having lots of problems lately AND the A/C was out. He knows I have never drove that far by myself and not to mention he knows I could very possibly have car trouble....but did he care? Nope.

 

I also got pissed that after I put forth that much effort for him and he tells me he loves me all weekend and blah blah blah that he doesn't call until 2 days later and only because I sent him a text msg the night before. When I DID talk to him, he was quick to get off the phone and just plain rude. WHY!?

[alex434]

calm down... understand that you cant cry over spilled milk, he didnt call you after your trip, thats the point. Well you sitting here complaining about it or pondering about it 24 7 is not going to magically rewind time and make him call you. My suggestion. DROP IT. maybe he had to go to bed for work? maybe by the time you got home he was already asleep, he said he works 16 hours, you do the math! you are one to blame for yourself, i understand where your comming from but you cant over react to certain situations, as i myself do time to time with my gf. It happens, and as the part of him being absolutly un attractive, do you feel you need to be attracted to him, if your so judging of him, then why are you with him? over look this, and think. because not everyone wants to go with a "bad" looking person, i agree, but not everything is on looks, my gf isnt no J LO and she aint no whoppie goldberg either:laugh: (part of me had to laugh at that lol) , but just right for me ya know?, so reconsider your thoughts and your actions before you make a horrible mistake!

[smile95]

AS we have talked about.......they do not treat ANYONE in their lives with respect or care, so why would they us? Look at the bright side......at least you know it is not just you that he treats this way...lol.......I truly belive that they do not know any better. My parents were really big on calling when you get somewhere, making sure I arrived places ok, etc...so I picked up on that and just expected EVERYONE to do that kind of thing. I do not think it means he does not care, maybe he did not think it was such a big deal? Sometimes the things that we consider important, so not even cross their minds, ya know? Did you ask why he never called to see if you got there ok??? Has he ever before?

 

One thing that I am noticing is everything he told me waaaaay back about his wife complained about are slowly coming out. Scary. Mine did not treat anyone right. He is very selfish. And looks like he will continue to be. It does not make them a "bad" person, just not right for us, unless we are willing to settle for less than we want...are you???

[nicki]

Usually when we argue about something it is not about the content, but what your interpretation of that behavior is.

 

For instance, to you, his calling may show that he is concerned about you and wants to protect you. When he doesn't call, then you interpret his behavior to mean he doesn't feel that way...and he may be completely clueless that it means this to you.

 

Or if you have repeatedly asked him to call and then he doesn't, you may be upset that he doesn't care to give you what you need.

 

Either way, talk to him. Softly say, "Baby, I really like it when you call me after a trip so that you know i made it home. It makes me feel very loved. Would you please do that for me next time?"

 

Good luck...and yes, watch out for how he treated his ex. He may be unaware that he is still doing it, or he may not care. Just be sure to let him know that you are going to call him on his behavior when you don't like it...