Charmed22 Posted October 8, 2016 Posted October 8, 2016 I met a guy at a friends party. We hit it off immediately and talked the entire night. I asked for his number and initiated a text to him 2 days later. He stopped responding mid convo so I left him alone. He initiated a text with me 2 days after that and we started texting constantly. He invited me to get fastfood. I didnt think anything of it until he paid for my meal. We made plans to meet up the next day and see a movie. We kissed during the movie. Afterwards we walked around the mall and hung out in his car to listen to music. We talked and started making out for a bit. It didn't feel pushed or sexual to me. He seemed to enjoy it too since he couldnt stop kissing me and didnt want to end the date despite it being late and him having to work early. I was invited to a festival Thursday with some friends and I invited him to join. He said he would go and seemed enthusiastic about it so we made plans to carpool up there. When we parted ways I told him I would talk to him tomorrow and see him Thursday and he said sounds good. I didn't hear from him the next day so that evening I sent him a text saying hello and he responded asking how was my day going and I told him great and asked how his was and I never got a response. I waited about 2 more days then sent him a text to confirm if he still wanted to go. He said he would go but we can go separately since he couldn't stay the entire time which I was fine with. The day of the event he sent me a text simply stating he couldn't go with no explanation. I told him that its okay no worries and I haven't heard from him since. We are in our mid 20s. He is the shy nerdy awkward type and told me he has only been in one 2 yr relationship which ended about 3-4 years ago. He has told me he dosent know much about dating, relationships or how to pace things properly. on the date he was concerned that he may have moved too quick I assured him It was fine however It will be a while before I am comfortable doing anything more than making out which he agreed. I did add him on facebook in front of him during the date cause we were talking about something relevant and he accepted when he got home. Im confused about this one. How does a seemingly sweet guy who apparently does not have much dating experience, go from not wanting a date to end to not speaking to me? He is a mutual friend so all my friends who know him think he is sweet, shy, and awkward. He is family oriented and he doesnt go out much. He doesn't fit the picture of a ghosting or fading guy. I have literally replayed all our conversations but I have no clue what I might have said. Im thinking it could possibly be something on my facebook but im not sure. Has anyone had this happen or have done this to someone?
Toodaloo Posted October 8, 2016 Posted October 8, 2016 Don't worry about it. Sometimes guys (and gals) lose interest for no particular reason. They can have a fantastic time but then something else happens or they get distracted. Could be work, another woman, family problems, getting to the next level on World of Warcraft... Don't worry about it. He just isn't all that into you despite having a great time. 3
Gemma1 Posted October 8, 2016 Posted October 8, 2016 Let me recap this for you, so maybe it'll be clearer (and sorry if this is blunt). YOU asked for his number. YOU text him first. He left you hanging mid conversation. He invited you out to get fast food (LOL). YOU invited him to festival.Then YOU initiated text...again. Then he cancels your plans and drops off the face of the earth. Yeah, I'm not sure why you ever thought there was any hope for this one. It doesn't matter how "nice" you think they are. Anyone is capable of the fade out. He just wasn't very into you. 3
preraph Posted October 8, 2016 Posted October 8, 2016 Oh, if he's openly talking about his ineptness in dating and moving too fast, I bet anything he's reading some crap advice online and trying to make you want him by ignoring you. Playing hard to get too late. Just wait it out.
Author Charmed22 Posted October 8, 2016 Author Posted October 8, 2016 (edited) Let me recap this for you, so maybe it'll be clearer (and sorry if this is blunt). YOU asked for his number. YOU text him first. He left you hanging mid conversation. He invited you out to get fast food (LOL). YOU invited him to festival.Then YOU initiated text...again. Then he cancels your plans and drops off the face of the earth. Yeah, I'm not sure why you ever thought there was any hope for this one. It doesn't matter how "nice" you think they are. Anyone is capable of the fade out. He just wasn't very into you. I asked for his number cause he was really cool to talk to. Not everyday I meet someone I can have a good conversation with. I was interested but I wasnt worrying about it as I knew I met a friend either way. He honestly does not seem like the make a move type of guy and my friends who know him agreed so I figured texting him first will express interest on my part giving him a green light. After he stopped responding I figured he wasnt interested accepted and moved on. I had other things going on that week and forgot all about him until he texted me a few days later. He kept the conversation flowing continuously for a few days (paragraph enthusiastic responses). At a point I mentioned to him that I was about to go get some takeout real quick and he asked if he could come. He paid for my meal which I wasnt expecting and that fast food run ended up being a 3 hour long sorta date with him offering a movie the next day. I got the offer to go to the festival during the date (When I was on facebook). I mentioned it to him and he said it sounds like a lot of fun and he hasn't been to something like that before so I extended the offer. I texted him the next day cause I said I would talk to him and I was assuming he wanted to talk to me since he didnt want to part ways the night before. I didn't know I had to wait for him to initiate. I also thought I should confirm if he was still going to the festival since Im the one who invited him. Im not experienced at dating either but common sense would tell me someone who kisses me is interested in me. Im slowly learning that isnt always the case. Edited October 8, 2016 by Charmed22
Space Ritual Posted October 8, 2016 Posted October 8, 2016 I doubt it was something on FB I would think what he told you about his relationship history may provide you with a clue. You said he had only 1 real relationship in the past that ended 3 or 4 years ago He admitted he is not up to snuff on the dynamic of dating. My guess is that he has a fear of the unknown. If he has been out of a 2 year relationship for close to half a decade and is in his mid 20's then the relationship probably ended horribly for him. I think he is scared of having another relationship blow up in his face. It's obvious he likes you. He also may be afraid that if he commits in any way you will break his heart in the end. I'm sure you did not do anything wrong, but like Generals tend to fight present wars the same way they fought their last war, to uneven results,...we guys tend to handle our new relationships, especially out of the gate, like we did our last one. And as expected, those results are usually uneven at best. He basically telegraphed to you he is risk averse. So if I were you, I'd make one attempt to contact him on FB if you are friends there and not a text. And then put the ball in his court. You seem like you really like him, so maybe there is hope if you can assuage his commitment phobic actions with some understanding. Good Luck. 1
Erik30 Posted October 8, 2016 Posted October 8, 2016 He's not that into you. (Like was said here before) You're doing all the work while he's doing nothing. You're the one arranging dates, initiating all the texting... It doesn't matter that he's shy. You're basically doing everything I do when I like a girl. Actually because he's shy, I think he's more likely to fade/ghost than tell you he's not interested, to avoid the confrontation.
Gemma1 Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 I asked for his number cause he was really cool to talk to. Not everyday I meet someone I can have a good conversation with. I was interested but I wasnt worrying about it as I knew I met a friend either way. He honestly does not seem like the make a move type of guy and my friends who know him agreed so I figured texting him first will express interest on my part giving him a green light. After he stopped responding I figured he wasnt interested accepted and moved on. I had other things going on that week and forgot all about him until he texted me a few days later. He kept the conversation flowing continuously for a few days (paragraph enthusiastic responses). At a point I mentioned to him that I was about to go get some takeout real quick and he asked if he could come. He paid for my meal which I wasnt expecting and that fast food run ended up being a 3 hour long sorta date with him offering a movie the next day. I got the offer to go to the festival during the date (When I was on facebook). I mentioned it to him and he said it sounds like a lot of fun and he hasn't been to something like that before so I extended the offer. I texted him the next day cause I said I would talk to him and I was assuming he wanted to talk to me since he didnt want to part ways the night before. I didn't know I had to wait for him to initiate. I also thought I should confirm if he was still going to the festival since Im the one who invited him. Im not experienced at dating either but common sense would tell me someone who kisses me is interested in me. Im slowly learning that isnt always the case. Yeah, none of this changes anything at all. Everything I said in my original post still stands. And no, a guy making out with you doesn't mean he's interested in actually dating you. I mean come on girl...don't you know the main fear of most women with dating is being "pumped and dumped"?? A guy can have sex with a woman, over and over again, and STILL have no interest in actually dating her. This is like...Dating 101. The reason he was up for doing everything with you BUT the festival was because everything up to that point had been easy. You text him, you invite him places, you do all the work. But the festival was more effort. More time. More work. And he clearly wasn't interested enough to put that work in. This is why you really have to let the guy take the lead, especially if you aren't that experienced in dating. It allows you to be sure that he really wants to pursue things with you. If a guy wants you, he will pursue you. I'm not saying you have to play the wallflower and let them do ALL the work. But you should follow his lead.
smackie9 Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 He has anxiety.....he hides in his snail shell where he feels safe. Dump the chump and move on. 2
Author Charmed22 Posted October 11, 2016 Author Posted October 11, 2016 Update. He just texted asking me how I have been. apparently he has been busy with work and school lately. This has been 5 days since he canceled on going to the festival. I'm a little irritated since I already wrote it off as him not being interested and moved on. What do I say or how do I respond? What does this mean?
kidm Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 He's just not that into you. At least that what I think. I know I wouldn't wait 5 days to reach out to a girl I had gone out on dates with/made out with and liked. It takes a minute to text to say you're busy but would love to go out again. Seems to me you're not option #1 but will do when he feels like it.
Zahara Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 Update. He just texted asking me how I have been. apparently he has been busy with work and school lately. This has been 5 days since he canceled on going to the festival. I'm a little irritated since I already wrote it off as him not being interested and moved on. What do I say or how do I respond? What does this mean? Busy. Doesn't take but seconds to send a text. You're an option when he needs attention. I'd move on. 1
GoldenGirl2015 Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 Busy. Doesn't take but seconds to send a text. You're an option when he needs attention. I'd move on. I agree with this person, try not to feel bad about it i was just going through the same thing with someone and just deleted their number after realizing im just an option and it felt DAMN GOOD! Good riddance life goes on!
eightytwenty Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 Maybe just talk to him for a bit, casual and make him work a little bit for your attention, maybe he might make plans, and let HIM make plans not you.. You need to be a bit of a chase, instead of you doing the chase. If he disappears again then cut him out.
GemmaUK Posted October 11, 2016 Posted October 11, 2016 Update. He just texted asking me how I have been. apparently he has been busy with work and school lately. This has been 5 days since he canceled on going to the festival. I'm a little irritated since I already wrote it off as him not being interested and moved on. What do I say or how do I respond? What does this mean? I'll reply to this as it's an update on your first post. Question is do you like him enough and are you interested enough for his sporadic behaviour? If you actually felt irritated when you got his message and that was your gut instinct feel then go with your gut. No need to reply or reply politely that you're not interested in any further contact.
Author Charmed22 Posted October 11, 2016 Author Posted October 11, 2016 (edited) I got irritated when I got the message cause this is a common theme with guys I see. They usually come around when i don't expect it. Go out with me and back off once I am interested. Then they come back around once I moved on and the cycle repeats. It's almost like they sense when I no longer care and decide to contact me then. This has happened so many times I now know the routine and I know how to recognize it before I waste more time on it. Yesterday I had a friend tell me to reach out to him today as a last ditch effort and I decided against it as I truly no longer cared, I didnt really see it as a loss. Now today he texted me instead. The timing is extremely ironic, the moment I stopped caring is the moment I hear back.. I am texting him casually but I'm not as responsive as I was. I figure as inexperienced dating as he claims and seemed to be, nobody can be that oblivious to think that not talking to someone for days is a good thing. Im just happy to know that I didnt mistakingly offend him or make a fool of myself without knowing. It wasn't a huge blow to not hear from him after the date as it was just a date, I was just confused cause he doesn't come across as the ghosting type. Thats why I was wondering if I said something wrong to make him not want to talk to me again. He is a mutual friend so not offending him matters to me more than it would if he was a complete stranger. Edited October 11, 2016 by Charmed22
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