laneyinlove Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Ok I know that this is bad and all but I have been checking up on my exes emails. I found out what it was a long time ago and while we were dating I never wanted to violate his trust but then I did and found out he was enrolled in all sorts of sex dating web sites and that's where it ended. I have again checked out his email and have found that he has gone on two trips with two different women and I'm afraid it's an obessession now. I figure that by doing this I will get over him and be able to move on but I know it's wrong but I can't help it. Someone tell me this is chipping away at my soul or something. I figure if I check at least I will know what is going on and not build up false hopes in my head of him coming back to me. Please help with advice and please don't get mad as I know this is not right.
Opium Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 You snooped and you found something, did it make you feel better? Whether it did or not it's not the point, if you felt you had a valid reason to check up on him it's because you knew in your heart something was wrong. Your gut feeling was telling you to do something and you did. Now don't cry a river and just move on. You found what you were looking for and it was proof that your bf was unfaithful and doing things behind your back. You need to stop checking his emails, it's his privacy now and if you ended the relationship theirs nothing you can do now. Stop thinking it's going to get better and realize you need to move on to better things. EWWW just the thought of him being on a Sex website and actually sleeping with these woman would be such a turn off and I wouldn't want anything to do with him.
tiki Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Ick. I say GOOD RIDDANCE. Be glad you got out when you did! Are you sure he doesn't know that it's being checked? Just cut yourself off. Don't let it consume you - it sounds like it has already. Creepy isn't in style for 2005.
Author laneyinlove Posted July 8, 2005 Author Posted July 8, 2005 Hey just wanted to thank you for not being judgemental about this. You are right I should stop and it is creepy what he did. Wow since being with him my sense of judgement with what is normal or not is so skewed. I have such a weakness for him because despite him being a huge perve, he's brad pitt goodlooking and successful and so charismatic but keep the comments coming about how wrong it was and how I'm better off. I need to tell myself that so I will beleive it finally but thanks all.
Candy Cane Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Yeah, you're in a tough boat. I remember dating a Brad Pitt sort of guy. It was hard getting over him too. Now, I think back...and I still think of how good looking he was (awww)...but I see what an ass he was as well...and how my life would have been had I actually stayed with him. I'd be living out in some cornfield. For some reason, he built a house in the middle of some cornfields. Ish. Anyhoo...you've GOT to tell yourself that he's not going to find anyone better than you. He's going to find someone(s) different, but not someone better. There is no one better than you, right? You've got to tell yourself that...and start believing it. As far as the emails are concnerned, yeah...it's bad....but so are a lot of things. It isn't murder. If you really must look, then look. Look all day and all night...until you get your fill and you realize that you don't give a sh*t anymore...
Skeered Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Ok I'm not saying this to sound judgemental so please don't take it that way but I think in a way you were hoping that you would find something in there that he missed you or that he was trying to get you back or maybe that he was hurting...buttttttttt since that's not what you found at all be thankful...this guy (if he continues this sex craze) will probably end up with more than a lonely life in the end... My mom always said good riddance to bad rubbish..be thankful your instincts were correct and leave his emails alone..block yourself from getting them or better yet get in there and change his password so he can't even get in there...lol JUST KIDDING...
Candy Cane Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 I vote to change his password. That would be funny!
Fun2BMe Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 First change the password, then start sending emails to those girls to let them know what he's been up to with other girls behind their backs....stir things up a bit and have fun! He thinks he's being so smooth getting away with his game.
VirginiaBob Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 What you are doing is illegal and considered identity fraud. That said, I've done it before too.
tiki Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by Fun2BMe First change the password, then start sending emails to those girls to let them know what he's been up to with other girls behind their backs....stir things up a bit and have fun! He thinks he's being so smooth getting away with his game. Originally posted by VirginiaBob What you are doing is illegal and considered identity fraud. That said, I've done it before too. SNORT. OMG. That would be sooo funny! Imagine how frantic he'd be!!! Not getting all of the hooch emails.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by Fun2BMe He thinks he's being so smooth getting away with his game. I think doing these kind of things you have a time window after the breakup. just a few days or a week It sounds like to me they have been broken up for a while..So... If she keeps reading his e-mails and does anything like sending out e-mails she will have turned into something worse than he was originally in the relationship.. Take the high road and leave HIS e-mail alone.. Better yet change his password so he will have to change it to something you don't know
Fun2BMe Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall I think doing these kind of things you have a time window after the breakup. just a few days or a week The hurt he caused her to feel is lasting much longer than a few days or a week after the break up and might affect her for life so why should she have such a small space of time to react? It might help HER in HER healing and of course not help him, might screw up his cheating with all these poor women who think they are the special person in his life he treated to on a trip. She will be helping those girls too. I say do it as a service if not for herself, then to at least inform the other girls to put him in check. I know if I went on a trip with a guy and thought I was the only one in his life, I'd be appreciate to get a friendly note telling me otherwise so i won't be taken for a fool and get hurt. People should help each other instead of "minding their own business" knowing someone else is getting screwed over.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by Fun2BMe The hurt he caused her to feel is lasting much longer than a few days or a week after the break up and might affect her for life so why should she have such a small space of time to react? Because it is just wrong .. She needs to find another avenue to help ease her pain. I think after a few days or a week your lives are no longer meshed anymore. If she continues she is just going to feel worse not better she dumped him.. that was his punishment.. It may not be enough but it is all that she should do
Candy Cane Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall Because it is just wrong .. She needs to find another avenue to help ease her pain. I think after a few days or a week your lives are no longer meshed anymore. If she continues she is just going to feel worse not better she dumped him.. that was his punishment.. It may not be enough but it is all that she should do Party Pooper.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 8, 2005 Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by Candy Cane Party Pooper. hehehe.......just playing the adult for once
Zaira Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 I've snooped. Confirmed fears/gut instinct. Ended the relationship. Told him to change p/words so I couldnt be hurt anymore. Done
lindya Posted July 9, 2005 Posted July 9, 2005 Changing the password might not be a bad idea if you're finding it impossible to stop yourself from snooping. When he finds he can't get into his emails, he'll contact msn or whoever the provider is to get the problem sorted. Once he's done that, he'll want to change the password again. You won't know his new password, and therefore all temptation to check his emails will be removed.
Kat Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by ~Zaira~ I've snooped. Confirmed fears/gut instinct. Ended the relationship. Told him to change p/words so I couldnt be hurt anymore. Done Why not use your own self control and not snoop? I have snooped before and found out the truth. He still refused to admit anything and I knew that this wasn't the first time and it wouldnt' be the last. I was right. My partner now has no problems with me reading his email or snail mail. Luckily due to the truth that we have I have no need to. He has the right to snoop in my computer whenever he wants as well. He also has no desire to The only rules we have are that around christmas time and our birthday's it is a no go zone. If you snoop, you have to be prepared to action things on that evidence alone. If you aren't and will either listen to their lies or doubt what you read, there isn't any point in breaking your own heart
Zaira Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by lindya You won't know his new password, and therefore all temptation to check his emails will be removed. Exactly. I needed the temptation removed. Self control is hard when your heart is breaking.
Lonestar Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Temptation and curiosity is hard to resist when you still care about someone or are still hurting from a breakup. I've done it too, a lot of people have. In the long run, what you're doing is unhealthy for you. You can't move on if you're still reading your ex's email and you won't be able to stop as long as you know the password. It's time to cut yourself off and get that password changed. The best thing to do so you don't look like a stalker by getting caught is to do what's already been suggested. Change the password so he can't get in. He'll think something's wrong on his provider's end and contact them. They'll reset the password or email him whatever you changed it to. Change it to something like 1234, nothing that could be linked back to you.
shygurl Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by A Fly onThe Wall Because it is just wrong .. She needs to find another avenue to help ease her pain. I think after a few days or a week your lives are no longer meshed anymore. If she continues she is just going to feel worse not better she dumped him.. that was his punishment.. It may not be enough but it is all that she should do I've been in her shoes before, believe me, but it does NO good to continue to check an ex's email - it's understandable to do it immediately after the breakup - if you had some trust issues toward the end of the relationship and you want to find out the truth - but beyond that, it's an invasion of privacy and nothing good can come from it - except in the OP's case, she already knows the guy is a swine so to continue to learn that, there's no need - she'll only become obsessed with checking it - under the guise that it's helping her to learn what a sh*t he was/is............but it will consume her, and she needs to move on now, heal, recover and one day be ready for the right man who's meant for her.
shygurl Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Geez people, you just DON'T go changing someone's password. Most Email Acct providers keep logs of the IP address of changes made to a person's acct......and that would surely include when a password is changed. If she does this and he writes to/calls the Tech Support department to ask what's up, they can easily look it up and confirm that it was changed on 'such and such' date - he'll say "I didn't change it?" - then they can look more into it, and potentially trace it back to her IP#. Sorry folks, you just don't do this. She needs to learn to resist the urge to invade his privacy, period.
Zaira Posted July 10, 2005 Posted July 10, 2005 Originally posted by shygurl Geez people, you just DON'T go changing someone's password. Most Email Acct providers keep logs of the IP address of changes made to a person's acct......and that would surely include when a password is changed. If she does this and he writes to/calls the Tech Support department to ask what's up, they can easily look it up and confirm that it was changed on 'such and such' date - he'll say "I didn't change it?" - then they can look more into it, and potentially trace it back to her IP#. Exactly. That is why I told HIM to change it
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