KamaKyzie Posted October 8, 2016 Posted October 8, 2016 Hi there loveshack, it's been a while. Life has been going really well for me. I'm currently dating this girl from another state . Things are going really well between us and our relationship is rock solid. There's just this one thing that's bugging me and I don't know if I have a right to be upset, or if I am being selfish. I have a tendency to build up a head of steam about things and then not think rationally, so I am asking for a neutral perspective and opinion. I have recently booked flights to see my girlfriend in November. I worked my guts off to get the money for those flights and I am hard up for cash, so that's how much I want to see her. I am then seeing her again in January until early February. After this, I won't see her until July and then August after that. I am making an effort to see her at regular intervals to make the distance easier until we are together. I'm also applying like mad for jobs over there when I graduate university this semester. The February to July period will be tough, as there are no planned trips. It won't break the relationship, as we have lasted that long before. But what's got to me a bit is that she is booking flights in April to another state to go and see her cousins that she hasn't seen in a while during her university break. She's never been to my state and met my family, so this feels like a bit of a sucker punch to the guts, as I've made a huge effort to see her and then she goes and does this. It just makes me feel like I'm low on her priorities and I'm quite hurt by this, as seeing her in April would make things so much easier on the relationship. I haven't said anything yet, but I'm feeling extremely resentful at the moment. The reason I haven't said anything is that I don't want her to think that I'm controlling, because I'm not. I'm also not sure if I'm building up a head of steam about nothing and being selfish, because I don't want to be. What's your opinion Whirlpool? Am I being selfish? Or do I have a right to be upset? If so, how do I raise it with her?
basil67 Posted October 8, 2016 Posted October 8, 2016 Ummm....that's not good. Does she know that you'd like her to come and see you? Have you actually suggested that the two take turns visiting? As much as commonsense would dictate this stuff, sometimes we need to have the obvious pointed out to us. If you haven't had all these conversations, now is the time to make your needs known. "I feel really hurt that you can fly to see your cousins but not come to see me"
basil67 Posted October 8, 2016 Posted October 8, 2016 Scratch my last post - I mistakenly assumed that the two of you had a long established relationship. According to your history, as recently as August you were still dating around. Assuming that you've now gotten a girlfriend, you've been with this girl only for a month or two. The two of you are hardly "rock solid". This is barely even an established relationship. Even if she was a local girl, you would hardly know each other yet. Have you ever met her in person before? When you go and visit, talk about how much you enjoy your trips to see her. Then talk about how much you'd like her to come visit you in the long breaks between. If she won't come to visit you, end it.
Poppy47 Posted October 8, 2016 Posted October 8, 2016 You might be low on her priorities. Ask her and don't waste your time and money. Poppy
joseb Posted October 8, 2016 Posted October 8, 2016 Before progressing. Can you answer: How long you too have been dating. How many times you have met up.
Author KamaKyzie Posted October 8, 2016 Author Posted October 8, 2016 Before progressing. Can you answer: How long you too have been dating. How many times you have met up. 2 months Once
Els Posted October 8, 2016 Posted October 8, 2016 Honestly, I can't really blame her for not blowing her savings on visiting a guy that she's only met once. How long did you guys spend together during that one meeting, was it only a couple days or hours, or more like a couple weeks? 1
GemmaUK Posted October 8, 2016 Posted October 8, 2016 The February to July period will be tough, as there are no planned trips. It won't break the relationship, as we have lasted that long before. I don't understand this part when in a later post you say you have been dating 2 months and met just once. But anyway, she is not forcing you to make these trips, you are choosing to do so. You can't expect all of her free time to be yours though - she has family - she wants to visit them. It's perfectly acceptable that she does so. 1
DM_Anna Posted October 8, 2016 Posted October 8, 2016 Hi KamaKyzie, If you don't mind me asking did you first meet this girl online? When you meet someone you like it's natural to want to spend as many hours with them as you can. Perfectly natural. Long distance relationships can often be tricky to navigate at first but they work for so many people out there. Some of which are even in different countries. Don't be disheartened. I can completely understand your angst, however, she is entitled to visit family and friends whenever she wants and pulling her up about this will likely make you seem demanding all her time is put into you. Jealousy is not such an attractive trait. For now, I would suggest you play it cool and continue as normal. If it happens more frequently then mention it if you feel the same. Keep smiling!
Recommended Posts