Author daydreambeliever Posted October 6, 2016 Author Posted October 6, 2016 He made his choice over a year ago and chose partner and child. I'm still a shell of my former self. The empty feeling just won't go away and I'm trying so hard. I have a new partner but I still feel so alone,I'm lying with him and wishing it was the other guy. I know it's done,I know he won't be back but I can't get over him. I still love him,it won't go away. I see his partner and child all the time and feel so so jealous,I could just burst in tears when I see them. Did he mean it when he said he loved me but couldn't loose he's child. So many unanswered questions,no matter how many similar situations I read on here,I never get closure on my own situation. We have mutual friends and I made sure I wrote on so he would see that I had a boyfriend now. I've been doing so well but looked at his Facebook profile pic. Him in a pub bathroom smiling taking a picture of himself in the mirror. I'm angry that he is smiling ..that's irrational I know. All of my pictures on my Facebook I'm smiling,out in pubs looking happy and that I'm over him. Inside I'm not ..inside I miss him..the smile is fake. As far as he is concerned I'm with someone new and happy. I wouldn't show him. I'm angry that he is smiling ..he must not miss me then if he is smiling. Stupid things going round in my head. Him telling me how good it would be if we had a child together. We could of been together ..he chose to stamp over me. I basically don't know who I am anymore I just want to sleep to forget how sad I am. 1
MidnightBlue1980 Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 He made his choice over a year ago and chose partner and child. I'm still a shell of my former self. The empty feeling just won't go away and I'm trying so hard. I have a new partner but I still feel so alone,I'm lying with him and wishing it was the other guy. I know it's done,I know he won't be back but I can't get over him. I still love him,it won't go away. I see his partner and child all the time and feel so so jealous,I could just burst in tears when I see them. Did he mean it when he said he loved me but couldn't loose he's child. So many unanswered questions,no matter how many similar situations I read on here,I never get closure on my own situation. We have mutual friends and I made sure I wrote on so he would see that I had a boyfriend now. I've been doing so well but looked at his Facebook profile pic. Him in a pub bathroom smiling taking a picture of himself in the mirror. I'm angry that he is smiling ..that's irrational I know. All of my pictures on my Facebook I'm smiling,out in pubs looking happy and that I'm over him. Inside I'm not ..inside I miss him..the smile is fake. As far as he is concerned I'm with someone new and happy. I wouldn't show him. I'm angry that he is smiling ..he must not miss me then if he is smiling. Stupid things going round in my head. Him telling me how good it would be if we had a child together. We could of been together ..he chose to stamp over me. I basically don't know who I am anymore I just want to sleep to forget how sad I am. My friend is divorcing his wife because he is very unhappy. There is no OW and he has 3 little kids. If a man is unhappy, he will leave. Your ex was not unhappy. He is where he wants to be. It was all a big pile of BS and I am sorry for your pain. A year is a long time. Maybe your new person is not the right person. And you need to block him on FB. It's the first step. Honestly. 10
Author daydreambeliever Posted October 6, 2016 Author Posted October 6, 2016 I half expected him to come back and say he missed me but he never did. I got one of his best friends saying he was talking about me and that was that. I hate seeing him smiling after how he treated me
MidnightBlue1980 Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 I half expected him to come back and say he missed me but he never did. I got one of his best friends saying he was talking about me and that was that. I hate seeing him smiling after how he treated me I know. I am living this as well. My life is a pile of sh*t. Are you married or single?
Author daydreambeliever Posted October 6, 2016 Author Posted October 6, 2016 I have a new boyfriend but my heart isn't really in it Can't get ex from my head ..I'm 29 but my life is just a total mess
MidnightBlue1980 Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 I have a new boyfriend but my heart isn't really in it Can't get ex from my head ..I'm 29 but my life is just a total mess You are so young. At least you are single. It is so much worse when you are married. Obviously this boyfriend is not the right guy if you are still thinking about someone from your past. Try going complete NC for a month and see if you feel better. Just don't go getting married or having a kid or anything. Block him on FB - and trust me, unless he is a sociopath, he's probably not that happy. Happy people don't typically cheat. Some do of course and if that is the case, you are definitely better off. 2
Author daydreambeliever Posted October 6, 2016 Author Posted October 6, 2016 Even know I can't get over how bad he treated me. I don't even know why I want him like I do.
wmacbride Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 He made his choice over a year ago and chose partner and child. I'm still a shell of my former self. The empty feeling just won't go away and I'm trying so hard. I have a new partner but I still feel so alone,I'm lying with him and wishing it was the other guy. I know it's done,I know he won't be back but I can't get over him. I still love him,it won't go away. I see his partner and child all the time and feel so so jealous,I could just burst in tears when I see them. Did he mean it when he said he loved me but couldn't loose he's child. So many unanswered questions,no matter how many similar situations I read on here,I never get closure on my own situation. We have mutual friends and I made sure I wrote on so he would see that I had a boyfriend now. I've been doing so well but looked at his Facebook profile pic. Him in a pub bathroom smiling taking a picture of himself in the mirror. I'm angry that he is smiling ..that's irrational I know. All of my pictures on my Facebook I'm smiling,out in pubs looking happy and that I'm over him. Inside I'm not ..inside I miss him..the smile is fake. As far as he is concerned I'm with someone new and happy. I wouldn't show him. I'm angry that he is smiling ..he must not miss me then if he is smiling. Stupid things going round in my head. Him telling me how good it would be if we had a child together. We could of been together ..he chose to stamp over me. I basically don't know who I am anymore I just want to sleep to forget how sad I am. Have you considered speaking with a mental health counselor to help you sort through all of this? 5
imsosad Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 Honey, Im so sorry you're hurting. How exactly would he be losing his child if he divorces? Has he heard of custody and visitation rights? People get divorced every single day and co parent their children with their ex. I wish he told you the truth, Id rather be with her. It would have not created such a star crossed lovers narrative in your mind. He gave you an excuse that made him feel better (im.such a great dad), but left you with false hope. I dont think a year is that long, being a very slow person to heal myself. When we were younger, id see my girlfriends bounce back from break ups within a couple of months, whereas it took me ages to get over someone. You must not be friends on FB!! It gets you thinking what is he thinking seeing your stuff and just feeds more rumination and obsessing. If you cant unfriend him,unfollow jim so you dont have to see any of his stuff. Sounds like your bf isnt doing it for you, even though one of my best friends began dating her now husband as a rebound. She was devestated by a break up and totally in love with her ex, but kept on dating the new guy. One day she realised she got so attached to him,it was a much stronger bond turned love than she ever had. They've been together for ages. Do you have any feelings for your new guy? 2
Arieswoman Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 ddb, I have a new partner but I still feel so alone,I'm lying with him and wishing it was the other guy. First of all you need to let that guy ^^^ go because you aren't being fair to him. In fact you're emotionally cheating on him. Then I would agree with wmacbride, you need to get into some counselling/therapy to help you move forward. Good luck x 7
Author daydreambeliever Posted October 6, 2016 Author Posted October 6, 2016 Honey, Im so sorry you're hurting. How exactly would he be losing his child if he divorces? Has he heard of custody and visitation rights? People get divorced every single day and co parent their children with their ex. I wish he told you the truth, Id rather be with her. It would have not created such a star crossed lovers narrative in your mind. He gave you an excuse that made him feel better (im.such a great dad), but left you with false hope. I dont think a year is that long, being a very slow person to heal myself. When we were younger, id see my girlfriends bounce back from break ups within a couple of months, whereas it took me ages to get over someone. You must not be friends on FB!! It gets you thinking what is he thinking seeing your stuff and just feeds more rumination and obsessing. If you cant unfriend him,unfollow jim so you dont have to see any of his stuff. Sounds like your bf isnt doing it for you, even though one of my best friends began dating her now husband as a rebound. She was devestated by a break up and totally in love with her ex, but kept on dating the new guy. One day she realised she got so attached to him,it was a much stronger bond turned love than she ever had. They've been together for ages. Do you have any feelings for your new guy? We aren't Facebook friends,I just looked up his profile and seen the picture. I find my bf attractive but I'm not in love with him. If he ended it I don't think I would be upset. I need to stop typing his name into Facebook..I just can't help it. I have so many unanswered questions
BTDT2012 Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 We aren't Facebook friends,I just looked up his profile and seen the picture. I find my bf attractive but I'm not in love with him. If he ended it I don't think I would be upset. I need to stop typing his name into Facebook..I just can't help it. I have so many unanswered questions You need to set your bf free to find someone who wants to be with him. Seriously consider getting some counseling for yourself. 2
wmacbride Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 We aren't Facebook friends,I just looked up his profile and seen the picture. I find my bf attractive but I'm not in love with him. If he ended it I don't think I would be upset. I need to stop typing his name into Facebook..I just can't help it. I have so many unanswered questions Sometimes a person has to accept that there are no answers, otherwise, they will get stuck. A counselor can make a huge difference in that area. One way to look at is is that if he did love you, he would not want you wasting your life like this. He would want you to move on and find happiness. If he didn't love you, then again, don't waste anymore time on him. 4
Bittersweetie Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 You mention not having closure. You mention unanswered questions. Unfortunately that is life. There will be things that will happen and you will never know why or what the other person was thinking. I had an event happen with a best girlfriend when I was 22 that was devastating to me. For years I wondered why, what she was thinking, why did it happen. It wasn't until I was 40 years old that I finally realized, I will NEVER know why she did what she did, said what she said. I wasted so much mental energy over the years on her and her behavior that was unnecessary. It affected my other friendships. I wish I could've let it go sooner. I know it sounds horrible, to let go of the why and what, especially when still in pain. But even an answer isn't going to magically fix everything with you, with your relationship, with your life. It's time to start letting go of xAP and the questions and the closure and focus on your own personal healing and growth. I would second seeking some therapy, to discuss these thoughts with a third party. It really helped me a lot in dealing with many of my unanswered questions. Good luck. 4
Author daydreambeliever Posted October 6, 2016 Author Posted October 6, 2016 I have thought about speaking with someone proffesional But I was worried once I mentioned I was seeing someone with a gf they might be negative towards me and think I'm a home wrecker and I'm not. I know it's been a year and I should be ok etc People get over divorce quicker than this. I do truly love him and just hope he is happy in a way but in another I hate the thought of him being happy.
MidnightBlue1980 Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 I have thought about speaking with someone proffesional But I was worried once I mentioned I was seeing someone with a gf they might be negative towards me and think I'm a home wrecker and I'm not. I know it's been a year and I should be ok etc People get over divorce quicker than this. I do truly love him and just hope he is happy in a way but in another I hate the thought of him being happy. Counselors have heard it all. I am in a profession where people tell me their worst secrets and are so embarrassed. I don't judge anyone. Go talk to someone. It's not like you are a serial killer. 5
wmacbride Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 I have thought about speaking with someone proffesional But I was worried once I mentioned I was seeing someone with a gf they might be negative towards me and think I'm a home wrecker and I'm not. I know it's been a year and I should be ok etc People get over divorce quicker than this. I do truly love him and just hope he is happy in a way but in another I hate the thought of him being happy. If they judge you or treat you badly, they are not doing their job as a professional. Their job is to listen and help guide you, not to make you feel bad. He or she can help you through your feelings and sort out why it's so hard to begin to let go. Is it possible for you to make an appointment with one and just see how it goes? If you find it's not what you are looking for, you don't have to go back. 2
Author daydreambeliever Posted October 6, 2016 Author Posted October 6, 2016 I guess it can't do any harm.... It can't make things any worse. I'm just scared I will never feel like this again for anyone else...it's been a while ..a long while since I felt like this. 1
Cyra Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 I guess it can't do any harm.... It can't make things any worse. I'm just scared I will never feel like this again for anyone else...it's been a while ..a long while since I felt like this. I can understand that, i feel exactly the same. But there is a Spanish saying: Mejor solo que mal acompanado 1
spideywoman Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 I can understand that, i feel exactly the same. But there is a Spanish saying: Mejor solo que mal acompanado Asi es chicas! i learned a long time ago my own company was better than a poor substitute for a friend or lover. and, as Cyra's spanish saying goes...true dat! 1
Poppy47 Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 I was contemplating writing a similar post this morning. After 6 months NC my emotions seem to have shut down. In fact my whole inner persona feels quite different now. There is no happy, sad, glad, just a neutral vanilla. It is emptiness. I have been going out with a lovely man for about a month now. He is a great companion and friend. I cannot bring myself to take it to a physical level which is clearly what he wants. We will be talking about it next time we meet as he deserves to find somebody who can give him what he wants. Being touched is the last thing I want. Emotional closeness is also beyond me. Cyra and Day Dream...I feel your despair. Will we ever feel "normal" again? Maybe it's too soon yet. Poppy.
ladydesigner Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 I was contemplating writing a similar post this morning. After 6 months NC my emotions seem to have shut down. In fact my whole inner persona feels quite different now. There is no happy, sad, glad, just a neutral vanilla. It is emptiness. I have been going out with a lovely man for about a month now. He is a great companion and friend. I cannot bring myself to take it to a physical level which is clearly what he wants. We will be talking about it next time we meet as he deserves to find somebody who can give him what he wants. Being touched is the last thing I want. Emotional closeness is also beyond me. Cyra and Day Dream...I feel your despair. Will we ever feel "normal" again? Maybe it's too soon yet. Poppy. Hi Poppy what you are describing sounds very similar to when a BS hits a point in recovery called "the plain of lethal flatness" I wonder if a similar step in grief is also true for AP's grieving. Just a thought. Sorry you are feeling this way. 1
wmacbride Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 Hi Poppy what you are describing sounds very similar to when a BS hits a point in recovery called "the plain of lethal flatness" I wonder if a similar step in grief is also true for AP's grieving. Just a thought. Sorry you are feeling this way. I sometimes wonder if it's more a way for someone to protect themselves from being hurt. Someone can' hurt you if you don't get too attached. While that can work, it makes you miss out on a lot of really great things, and I don't think it's worth it.
wmacbride Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 I guess it can't do any harm.... It can't make things any worse. I'm just scared I will never feel like this again for anyone else...it's been a while ..a long while since I felt like this. i hope you can find a counselor who can help you begin to heal. One small step at a time.
Friskyone4u Posted October 7, 2016 Posted October 7, 2016 Do yourself a favor and get some IC And then do this poor guy you are dating a favor and tell him the truth before he becomes too attached to you In your state of confusion casually dating is fine but you should not be involved with another man who thinks you are being truthful and honest.
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