heartwhole Posted October 8, 2016 Posted October 8, 2016 That's just cold Heart. What's your current situation? Are you with your husband? Yes, we're 18 months out and still together. We did MC in the beginning and both do IC now. It took several months for him even to begin to grasp how to be remorseful and take ownership for his choices. He has learned he needs to work to develop empathy and that he has a tendency to be self-absorbed. We've reset our dynamic. He's made huge strides with how he deals with stress and "adulting" in general. It's not easy by any stretch but I always kick butt and take names when I put my mind to something, and he is smart enough to meet my standards and expectations so he can hold onto me. Almost immediately he snapped out of the fog and was very loving and desirous of staying together, but he was also desirous of me forgetting about the affair stat. But that just wouldn't fly so little by little we're climbing this mountain. 1
MJJean Posted October 8, 2016 Posted October 8, 2016 yes, this works - once. Twice at most. I got my H's confession this way. Told him my sister-in-law had told me everything so he might as well come clean. Second time I said she'd 'indicated' the PA was more than hugs. I got partial truth. You might want to work on your story to be more credible than that. I was actually on the phone with one of the OW while confronting and my exH still wouldn't admit it. Another one, I ran into at a club and he tried telling me she was just drunk and didn't know what she was saying. He said that bit while trying to hustle me away from her, rofl. My exH was one of those guys who took "deny til you die" to whole new heights. 1
Dolfin80 Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 Could it be that he never told you about the friendship because you would not allow it?
Grapesofwrath Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 He's blocked her number, removed her from all social media, said he will never speak to her again. This is a good start, but I think you'd be smart to continue to monitor the situation and verify. It seems like it would be difficult to just end a two-year relationship with no further contact of any kind ever. He may be able to hold to it for a short time, but in a couple weeks or months, the desire to reach out to her could rise again. Or vice versa. It's also possible for them to find other means of contact. There are many messaging apps out there and plenty of other apps (instagram, snapchat, kik, etc.) that allow for a direct messaging function. Ruby: If you've already told us, I apologize for asking again...but is she also married?
sadwife48 Posted November 25, 2016 Posted November 25, 2016 That's wonderful that he has cut off communication with her! Definitely continue to watch things. My cell phone company has a computer app I was able to download that shows me all of my husband's text messges on my computer. You might check with your provider. I am a little jealous... I'm in a similar situation - my husband of 20 years has been messaging an ex-girlfriend for almost 2 years - and refuses to stop. But he knows I am reading everything they both write. I can also see deleted messages.
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