Karol Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 (edited) Hello everyone ..I want to share my story and I really need your help ! I had a six years relationship with my first boyfriend who was abusive and cheated on me I left him and it was the worst experience ever insomnia anorexia depression I couldn t get up from my bed for weeks I didn t want to live I failed my exams too ( we studied at the same college of course he was one of the best students and he celebrated his success with his new girlfriend) anyway after two years I got through all of that I felt happy and confident again after a lot of work psychology treatment and meditation I was pround of myself and I returned to college again started a whole new life ! Then came Mr x charming handsome funny we kept it light at first then things started to grow fast I freaked out so I told him that we need to slow down because I don t feel like I m ready for a relationship and I need to focus on my studies I explained to him how much I got hurt before and that I can t take another emotional choc ..but he wouldn t listen to me he kept calling begging trying to convince me that everything will be alright that he would take care of me and never hurt me ..he seemed so genuin so I believed him I let go of myself I loved him so much I felt like I m living a dream I felt so happy and complete I couldn t believe that I can feel this again we spent 4 months together day and night I thought he was the one I dreamed about our house and children ( I am naive yes) then he had this final exam that he should prepare for ..I supported him encouraged him ..wake him early in the morning and sleep late at night so I can make sure he s okay ! I baked cakes for him cheered him up when he had low moments ! 3 months passed he took the exam and everything was great or at least that s what I thought ..a week after he seemed distant wouldn t answer my calls or even try to reach me so I asked him what s wrong ..he told me that he has doubts and he is not sure that we are compatible he said that he loved me but love isn t everything and that he needed some time to think ! I was crushed devastated did nt see that coming ! I gave him three days to think ..I died every second of those 3 days ! Kept wondering what did I do wrong ? I didn t find an answer ..I couldn t take it anymore so I called him and asked for a meeting ...he refused at the beginning but when he felt that I m really devastated he said yes .. He told me that he is confused about us because everything went fast (7 months) and he needed more time to think and you can do whatever you want stay leave have a break it s your choice I need to focus on my career ! It felt like he wants to end it but he couldn t so I did it ! I told him that I can t wait for him to want me the way I want him I m sick of waiting and hoping to be loved I deserve much more better ..he seemed calm he even smiled to me when I said those words ..I left bronken hearted tears on my cheeks and not beleiving that everything was over! 3 weeks of NC passed and every day I feel more angry and hurt ..I feel like he used me emotinnally and physically ..why would he lie to me ?? Why didn t he tell me before that something is wrong that he has doubts ?? Why would he hurt like this and he knows how fragile I am ?? I did n t get answers ! I feel like I need those answers and I need him to know how much he hurt me !! Please tell what to do I m going crazy ..and excuse my english it s my second language Edited October 6, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator added paragraphs ~6
marky00 Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 So sorry that happened. A similar thing kind of happened to me although what this guy did was very extreme. Normally, the advise is not to show your anger but I think in cases like this its almost shameful to think that someone can get off like scott free. But if u do show anger, u will actually unload his guilt. So staying quiet actually causes them the most guilt possible.
stillafool Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 There's really nothing you can do. We all get hurt and sometimes it's out of our hands. His feelings changed for you during the relationship so he let you go. He unfortunately can't give you the closure you seek. You have to make your own closure. I'm sorry but you have to go NC and heal. Don't be in a rush to be in love. Finish school, start your career and love will find you. 1
Kelley Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 I know it hurts, and the anger comes in waves, I'm there with you at the moment. I have gone NC and I'm moving on as painful as it is. What I would do is write him a letter, don't hold back tell him what you need to, then just rip it up. If you need to write 10 letters do it, just never send them. Don't give him any satisfaction. It's hard when you are hurting and you just need someone from the outside to give you some clarity on the situation. Try your best go NC, and look after you, if you don't look after yourself nobody else will. Take care.
Author Karol Posted October 6, 2016 Author Posted October 6, 2016 Thank you all for your replies it litteraly warms my heart ! I thought that maybe if I tell him that it is not okay to lie it is not okay to keep me blindsided and to use me like this I will feel better..I m not waiting for a response or something I just need to get it out of my chest ! Thank you again for the advice
Toodaloo Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 Karol I suggest that you write this guy letters. Pour it all out. But do not send the letters. Just leave them in a pile somewhere. Eventually you will stop and then you will find them. Read them and wonder what you were making such a fuss about and throw them away. Do not tell him directly - but do get it out of your system.
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