Messed up bad with guy :(

[Space Ritual]

You'll eventually unblock him and try to contact him again, that's a given.

 

Your need to have the last word and the drama that comes with it will persuade you to take leave of your senses and not leave well enough alone. If after 6 pages of thread you are still trying to convince yourself you are done with him, you are fooling yourself.

 

The reason you will do so is simple.

 

You fear you didn't make your point so in order to make sure you will unblock him, and make an attempt to communicate with him yet again,and then block him again until you feel the need to lather, rinse and repeat.

 

You remind me of the person in the bar that gets kicked out for starting an argument with the bartender and then hangs by the door until they cant take it and lean their head in and screams 'And Another Thing..." and you dart your head out again until you see the patrons staring at you through the window...then you lean in again and add "another thing".

 

You'll do it over and over until closing time when the patrons and the bartender leaves through the back door so they don't have to be subjected to it as they walk to their cars.

 

The horse is beyond dead, and is on it's way to the glue factory. Stop trying to flog it's shadow. Jeeze...lol

[Toodaloo]

I won't, toods. I thought it would fix things. It was a more reasonable explanation. It can't be fixed though and I feel so much guilt for what I've done to this person

 

Oh Cookies you really have this all wrong!

 

Don't date for a while. You are way too needy, desperate and insecure to even think about it and all you will do is scare off the decent guys or get yourself into a mess with the a-holes of this world.

 

Calm down. Take deep breaths. Meditation.

 

Get some hobbies other than chasing poor random men! Get some friends who are sane and sensible. Go and educate yourself and give yourself a physical outlet for the anxiety like running or boxing or swimming or netball or hockey or anything! These things will give you confidence to stand on your own two feet and be secure in yourself rather than stress out all the time...

 

But for the love of flowers please do NOT keep doing this. Listen to what we say.

[Formerfiveo]

C&D,

 

You seem like a very sweet person with a kind and good heart.

 

I completely understand the "need" to want to fix a situation and not let a bad impression you made on a love interest be the one he remembers.

 

But there was/is not any fixing this situation. It's beyond fixing. You could have worded everything perfectly with maturity and clarity, but he's past listening to your words. I guarantee you when he got your text, the only thing going through his head was, "OMFG! She's contacting me AGAIN!!!"

 

If he had any doubts as to your emotional stability before, they are solidified now.

 

Just be thankful he does live far away and doesn't run in your social circles.

 

Okay, the door is shut and bolted on this "relationship", NEVER to be opened again. We all want the best for you here, so please don't be your own worst enemy.

[ShootingStarlet]

no offence, but girl to girl, you were an idiot...

You were dating, it was going well, you hadn't even had sex but you presumed he was playing you? Give guys a break....seriously. If he saw you as casual sex and you weren't putting out, why would he bother seeing you so much? He was actually trying to develop a relationship and you blew up and rejected him for it because you couldn't trust him, even though that's what he was trying to do-earn your trust!

 

Honestly, you have blown it on this one. Even if you 'win' him back over, you've killed the spark, you've killed his confidence in you and you've created drama too soon that now he may just go back to you to get revenge by just having casual sex with you and moving on. Now, I wouldn't trust him. Not unless he came back to you and tried again and seemed serious, but I doubt he will. You apologized to him now move on. You don't need therapy. You're fine. You've just probably been played before or you think that guys only want sex in your mind, but they really don't. Guys will have sex with a pretty girl, sure, but they like having more too. This was your lesson and now just chill out and don't do it again and when you feel insecure, just do something else to take your mind off it

Edited October 14, 2016 by ShootingStarlet

[Miss Spider]

I broke up with a this guy because of some compatibility issues and his failure to commit. I know it's shallow, but I'm so messed up about it, because now I want just want casual with him and he doesn't, or he doesn't believe me or something, so he won't take me back. This was one of the hottest guys I've dated (as in out of my league) . I've been fantasizing about him nonstop. No other guys really do it for me at all ...the worst part : we fooled around a little but I never really got to go all the way. What I wouldn't give. I liked him as a person too, but it would never work out and I don't want him like that , I just wish we had sex. I'm so mad at myself, so much regret. He's a good guy, but he made it clear he's done with me and I blocked him. This is a different sort of mourning. Just venting Any can relate? Maybe who've missed opportunities or broken up in less attached circumstances

Edited October 21, 2016 by Cookiesandough

[basil67]

Is this the guy you dated six times? If so, you are far too over invested in him. They were just dates and no relationship had been established.

[JewelD]

Mourning over missed dick? No, I can't relate. There's too much of it out there to be stressed over one. Especially since it might not have even been good.

 

How is he out of your league if you were able to go on a date with him? I'm sure there are other dreamboats out there you can catch.

[Miss Spider]

ugh yes basil. i know. sorry. It's petty and ridiculous to be in here with all these serious stories. True breakups are the worst. it was just a handful of dates but the first good time I'd had since being out of an awful relationship. Your comment made me Lol jewel. He was a nice guy. Just not and never would have been worth the distance long term. Wish I could have got some in while we were together because it's going to be long dry spell thanks.

[usa1ah]

Might not be a bad thing. It will give you time to get yourself together.

[Miss Spider]

I was dating a guy I could only see on weekends due to work. On Sunday, just like every time we met, he asked when he could see me again. Says he's free and of his nights off Sat-Mon. I said okay next Saturday will be our 4th date.

 

Not 2 hours later, I text him to say that we want different things/Try to break it off with him(long story). An argument ensued, but we decided to keep seeing each other. I said when should we meet again then? He said let's see each other Monday.

 

I replied" tomorrow?sounds great."

He said, "No. Next Monday."

"Wait, but we had plans Saturday?"

He said, "Sorry. I canceled plans to go out with[his friend] Saturday. I'm not blowing him off twice."

I said, "hold up. You told me you were free Saturday"

He said, "yeah, that's how much I like you."

I say, "mhm...and Sunday?"

"I have to help my sister move. She just got out of a messy divorce"

 

His sister move... right.

So I feel really manipulated and blown off at this point. He lied to me. I tell him Im sorry to hear about his sister but I can't trust him and don't think we should meet "Monday" He says, "Wait, any day that worked for you I was fine with, and now that I'm busy until Monday you're just going to throw this away?" I told him I felt blown off and I make time for him why can't he make time for me? We spat more.He finally asks, "So you just want me to cancel plans with [friend] and my sister? I said of course not. I just can't trust you at all. I blocked/delete

 

I slept on it and thought I may have been unreasonable so I dug his number out from call history. I texted him apologies alllll day. 20 long ones explaining and apologizing. He ignored me morning until 6pm where he said "Hey, lovely. I'm packing up from kayaking. I'll text you when I'm home." He sent me pics of his trip. Later, he texts "are you there?" I'm so embarrassed I ignored it.

 

The next day he seemed VERY distant. No texts really and seemed colder. It reminded me of "stonewalling" or the silent treatment, which is a form of emotional abuse. It's like I he knew he had an advantage and punished me.

 

All he said was "you gotta trust me" I told him I'd try, but I didn't like how he lied to me about being free Saturday and blew off his friend. I felt guilty and manipulated. I told him from now on we're not meeting on that sat anymore. that's for you and your friend.

 

 

His cold behavior lasted a couple days til he texts me "so, I'm helping my sister at noon Sunday, I'm not sure how long it will take, but I'm finished would you like to meet up and maybe stay the night?" I'm so livid at this point. I feel like some date fell through and now he's trying to get in. Not to mention, we're not having sex yet so sleepovers are awkward. I tell I have plans, sorry, but we still on Monday? He says of course he just wanted to spend more time with me.

 

 

The last time we fought/broke he did the same thing. I beg him and say I don't want to lose him. He says he'll think about it.He stonewalls me again so I give one more chance and call. He's busy this weekend. Can't see me. Sure, this time it could be out of disinterest, but given his manipulative seeming tactics before, im not sure. Anyway, he silent treats me for a week, but I cut the cord for good because 1wk is max time I spend on backburner

 

 

Too long...

[Popsicle]

I think you're over-reacting. Especially considering that you gave him the "we're not right for each other" speech. That'll take the wind out of anyone's sails.

[eightytwenty]

All you're other threads you go crazy on these guys, no difference here... Go to therapy

[Quiet Storm]

To me, it sounds like you are the one playing games.

 

 

He asked when he could see me again. I said okay next Saturday will be our 4th date.

 

Not 2 hours later, I text him to say that we want different things/Try to break it off with him.

 

If you like him, why do this?

 

He said, "No. Next Monday."

"Wait, but we had plans Saturday?"

 

You just tried to break up with him, remember?

 

He said, "Sorry. I canceled plans to go out with[his friend] Saturday. I'm not blowing him off twice."

 

Understandable.

 

I said, "hold up. You told me you were free Saturday"

He said, "yeah, that's how much I like you."

 

He changed his plans to make time for you. Then you try to break it off with him. And then expect him to just forget about that?

 

I say, "mhm...and Sunday?"

"I have to help my sister move. She just got out of a messy divorce"

His sister move... right.

 

Why do you assume that is a lie? You've been on three dates.

 

So I feel really manipulated and blown off at this point.

Why? You are the one who told him you want different things and tried to break it off. When you obviously didn't really want to. That's game playing.

 

He lied to me.

 

What was the lie? He said he was free because he was making himself free. To spend time with you. And then you twist that into a negative?

I tell him Im sorry to hear about his sister but I can't trust him and don't think we should meet "Monday"

 

More drama and gameplaying. Guilt tripping him for "lying" when he was willing to change his plans to spend time with you. That's manipulative.

 

He says, "Wait, any day that worked for you I was fine with, and now that I'm busy until Monday you're just going to throw this away?"

 

Finally. He realizes you're playing games.

 

I told him I felt blown off and I make time for him why can't he make time for me?

 

No. He made time for you. Then YOU decided you wanted different things and tried to break it off with him.

 

We spat more.He finally asks, "So you just want me to cancel plans with [friend] and my sister? I said of course not.

 

You lied to him. You did want him to cancel his plans with his friend and sister. See above where you said

I told him I felt blown off and I make time for him why can't he make time for me?

I just can't trust you at all. I blocked/delete

Drama.

I slept on it and thought I may have been unreasonable.

so I dug his number out from call history. I texted him apologies alllll day. 20 long ones explaining and apologizing.

One would've been enough. 20 long ones? Drama.

 

He ignored me morning until 6pm where he said "Hey, lovely. I'm packing up from kayaking. I'll text you when I'm home." He sent me pics of his trip. Later, he texts "are you there?" I'm so embarrassed I ignored it.

 

More game playing. You obviously like this guy. You sent him 20 texts. And then ignore his reply.

 

 

The next day he seemed VERY distant. No texts really and seemed colder.

 

He's probably realizing you are not worth the drama.

 

It reminded me of "stonewalling" or the silent treatment, which is a form of emotional abuse.

 

You guys only went out on three dates.

 

It's like I he knew he had an advantage and punished me.

 

Wait. You can ignore his texts because you're embarrassed, but when he does it, it's emotional abuse? OK.

 

All he said was "you gotta trust me" I told him I'd try, but I didn't like how he lied to me about being free Saturday and blew off his friend. I felt guilty and manipulated. I told him from now on we're not meeting on that sat anymore. that's for you and your friend.

 

Stop playing games. You like him so much that you texted him 20 times to apologize. If anything, he should not trust you because you are unable to be authentic and real with him.

His cold behavior lasted a couple days til he texts me "so, I'm helping my sister at noon Sunday, I'm not sure how long it will take, but I'm finished would you like to meet up and maybe stay the night?" I'm so livid at this point. I feel like some date fell through and now he's trying to get in. Not to mention, we're not having sex yet so sleepovers are awkward. I tell I have plans, sorry, but we still on Monday? He says of course he just wanted to spend more time with me.

 

Why were you livid? More drama. He made time for you. That's what you wanted, remember?

 

 

The last time we fought/broke he did the same thing. I beg him and say I don't want to lose him.

If you don't want to lose him, calm down. You will definitely scare him away with this craziness.

 

He says he'll think about it.He stonewalls me again so I give one more chance and call. He's busy this weekend. Can't see me. Sure, this time it could be out of disinterest, but given his manipulative seeming tactics before, im not sure.

 

It's interesting that you see him as the manipulative one. From my perspective, it seems like he made it clear from the beginning that he liked you. But you create drama out of nothing, pretend you don't want him when you really do, and then expect him to chase you.

Anyway, he silent treats me for a week, but I cut the cord for good because 1wk is max time I spend on backburner

Hopefully, you will learn from this.

[basil67]

Looks like you're well on the way to driving another guy away.

[strawberryshortstack]

I was dating a guy I could only see on weekends due to work. On Sunday, just like every time we met, he asked when he could see me again. Says he's free and of his nights off Sat-Mon. I said okay next Saturday will be our 4th date.

 

Not 2 hours later, I text him to say that we want different things/Try to break it off with him(long story). An argument ensued, but we decided to keep seeing each other. I said when should we meet again then? He said let's see each other Monday.

 

I replied" tomorrow?sounds great."

He said, "No. Next Monday."

"Wait, but we had plans Saturday?"

He said, "Sorry. I canceled plans to go out with[his friend] Saturday. I'm not blowing him off twice."

I said, "hold up. You told me you were free Saturday"

He said, "yeah, that's how much I like you."

I say, "mhm...and Sunday?"

"I have to help my sister move. She just got out of a messy divorce"

 

His sister move... right.

So I feel really manipulated and blown off at this point. He lied to me. I tell him Im sorry to hear about his sister but I can't trust him and don't think we should meet "Monday" He says, "Wait, any day that worked for you I was fine with, and now that I'm busy until Monday you're just going to throw this away?" I told him I felt blown off and I make time for him why can't he make time for me? We spat more.He finally asks, "So you just want me to cancel plans with [friend] and my sister? I said of course not. I just can't trust you at all. I blocked/delete

 

I slept on it and thought I may have been unreasonable so I dug his number out from call history. I texted him apologies alllll day. 20 long ones explaining and apologizing. He ignored me morning until 6pm where he said "Hey, lovely. I'm packing up from kayaking. I'll text you when I'm home." He sent me pics of his trip. Later, he texts "are you there?" I'm so embarrassed I ignored it.

 

The next day he seemed VERY distant. No texts really and seemed colder. It reminded me of "stonewalling" or the silent treatment, which is a form of emotional abuse. It's like I he knew he had an advantage and punished me.

 

All he said was "you gotta trust me" I told him I'd try, but I didn't like how he lied to me about being free Saturday and blew off his friend. I felt guilty and manipulated. I told him from now on we're not meeting on that sat anymore. that's for you and your friend.

 

 

His cold behavior lasted a couple days til he texts me "so, I'm helping my sister at noon Sunday, I'm not sure how long it will take, but I'm finished would you like to meet up and maybe stay the night?" I'm so livid at this point. I feel like some date fell through and now he's trying to get in. Not to mention, we're not having sex yet so sleepovers are awkward. I tell I have plans, sorry, but we still on Monday? He says of course he just wanted to spend more time with me.

 

 

The last time we fought/broke he did the same thing. I beg him and say I don't want to lose him. He says he'll think about it.He stonewalls me again so I give one more chance and call. He's busy this weekend. Can't see me. Sure, this time it could be out of disinterest, but given his manipulative seeming tactics before, im not sure. Anyway, he silent treats me for a week, but I cut the cord for good because 1wk is max time I spend on backburner

 

 

Too long...

 

Good god, stop dating.

[basil67]

The reason he changed his availability was probably directly related to you trying to break it off. He's willing to give you another chance, but you certainly don't deserve for him to give you priority over people who don't flake on him.

 

These guys stonewall you because you make it impossible for them to have a reasonable relationship with you. They just get fed up with your drama and pull back.

[freebird31]

Like other said above, after you had tried to break it off with him he probably simply made other plans. I would let it go. If he flaked on you then I could have understood why u would be upset. Anyway, I don't think it is fair that you ignored his message because you were embarrassed. What about how he might have felt? Don't let the silly things let you lose a good one.

[Toodaloo]

Cookies - how many times exactly do we all have to tell you to stop.

 

Your dating behavior is just way way WAY WAY off the mark!

 

You are causing drama left right and centre and if it were me you did that to... You wouldn't still be talking to me at all.

 

You seem to think that your behaviour is acceptable and that all these men are "bad guys" or "players" or something...

 

They are not. They just can't be doing with a girl who is clearly hard work and a drama queen.

 

Just stop! You are sabotaging yourself over and over and over again.

 

You are ruining your chances with decent guys.

 

For goodness sake. Spend longer than 5 minutes on your own and do some work on all this needy, crazy, drama filled behaviour. Get some confidence and quit making others responsible for your feelings and emotions...

 

I think this is the 10+ time I have said this to you. I don't think I am going to bother any more as you are not listening and doing to us what you do to those poor blokes and I personally just can't be bothered with it anymore....

[Miss Spider]

Thanks you everyone. Sorry I was unclear. I didn't mean last Sunday. This is the same guy from before that I had 6 dates with/broke 3 times. I haven't dated anyone since a couple weeks ago and saw a counselor for my anx issues. I am examining my problems and not dating. Please believe me, I listen. I just was wonder what he did there seemed like he was playing tit for tat/manipulating me

=Quiet Storm;7105857]To me, it sounds lik

 

 

 

 

If you like him, why do this?

 

Hopefully, you will learn from this.

Thank you. Your breakdown really made me see inconsistencies in my thinking. We broke up initially because we had be on 3 dates and I noticed he was still going on an app we met which made me nervous,but I never told him. I just said I didn't want anything casual and I feel he did, despite his denial. so I didn't want to lead him on with the prospect of sex.

 

I know I'm too invested in this..moving on. Thanks all

[Toodaloo]

Thanks you everyone. Sorry I was unclear. I didn't mean last Sunday. This is the same guy from before that I had 6 dates with/broke 3 times. I haven't dated anyone since a couple weeks ago and saw a counselor for my anx issues. I am examining my problems and not dating. Please believe me, I listen. I just was wonder what he did there seemed like he was playing tit for tat/manipulating me

Thank you. Your breakdown really made me see inconsistencies in my thinking. We broke up initially because we had be on 3 dates and I noticed he was still going on an app we met which made me nervous,but I never told him. I just said I didn't want anything casual and I feel he did, despite his denial. so I didn't want to lead him on with the prospect of sex.

 

I know I'm too invested in this..moving on. Thanks all

 

For goodness sake.

 

We have done this to death.

[Omei]

Lol he asked for a sleep over because he doesn't want your crazy no more he decided dating you isn't worth the trouble hes trying to see if he can get laid before he takes off.

Edited October 28, 2016 by Omei

[phineas]

if a woman breaks it off with me then tries to come back, she will never get higher than FWB.

 

sorry but a woman who wants me one min then doesn't the next then wants me later is drama and BS i just don't want in my life.

[joseb]

if a woman breaks it off with me then tries to come back, she will never get higher than FWB.

 

sorry but a woman who wants me one min then doesn't the next then wants me later is drama and BS i just don't want in my life.

 

Exactly. Not sure why this guy still entertain it all, I guess he is a bit of a drama queen himself.

[Redhead14]

I was dating a guy I could only see on weekends due to work. On Sunday, just like every time we met, he asked when he could see me again. Says he's free and of his nights off Sat-Mon. I said okay next Saturday will be our 4th date.

 

Not 2 hours later, I text him to say that we want different things/Try to break it off with him(long story). An argument ensued, but we decided to keep seeing each other. I said when should we meet again then? He said let's see each other Monday.

 

I replied" tomorrow?sounds great."

He said, "No. Next Monday."

"Wait, but we had plans Saturday?"

He said, "Sorry. I canceled plans to go out with[his friend] Saturday. I'm not blowing him off twice."

I said, "hold up. You told me you were free Saturday"

He said, "yeah, that's how much I like you."

I say, "mhm...and Sunday?"

"I have to help my sister move. She just got out of a messy divorce"

 

His sister move... right.

So I feel really manipulated and blown off at this point. He lied to me. I tell him Im sorry to hear about his sister but I can't trust him and don't think we should meet "Monday" He says, "Wait, any day that worked for you I was fine with, and now that I'm busy until Monday you're just going to throw this away?" I told him I felt blown off and I make time for him why can't he make time for me? We spat more.He finally asks, "So you just want me to cancel plans with [friend] and my sister? I said of course not. I just can't trust you at all. I blocked/delete

 

I slept on it and thought I may have been unreasonable so I dug his number out from call history. I texted him apologies alllll day. 20 long ones explaining and apologizing. He ignored me morning until 6pm where he said "Hey, lovely. I'm packing up from kayaking. I'll text you when I'm home." He sent me pics of his trip. Later, he texts "are you there?" I'm so embarrassed I ignored it.

 

The next day he seemed VERY distant. No texts really and seemed colder. It reminded me of "stonewalling" or the silent treatment, which is a form of emotional abuse. It's like I he knew he had an advantage and punished me.

 

All he said was "you gotta trust me" I told him I'd try, but I didn't like how he lied to me about being free Saturday and blew off his friend. I felt guilty and manipulated. I told him from now on we're not meeting on that sat anymore. that's for you and your friend.

 

 

His cold behavior lasted a couple days til he texts me "so, I'm helping my sister at noon Sunday, I'm not sure how long it will take, but I'm finished would you like to meet up and maybe stay the night?" I'm so livid at this point. I feel like some date fell through and now he's trying to get in. Not to mention, we're not having sex yet so sleepovers are awkward. I tell I have plans, sorry, but we still on Monday? He says of course he just wanted to spend more time with me.

 

 

The last time we fought/broke he did the same thing. I beg him and say I don't want to lose him. He says he'll think about it.He stonewalls me again so I give one more chance and call. He's busy this weekend. Can't see me. Sure, this time it could be out of disinterest, but given his manipulative seeming tactics before, im not sure. Anyway, he silent treats me for a week, but I cut the cord for good because 1wk is max time I spend on backburner

 

 

Too long...

 

Oh, C'mon, Cookies! Get real. You're arguing with a guy you've only had 3 dates with????? Your thread history is getting really old and repetitive.

 

but I cut the cord for good because 1wk is max time I spend on backburner -- Really, you have a minimum and maximum time you'll allow yourself to be on the back burner? Strong, independent, secure woman don't allow themselves to be on the back burner for even a minute. They continue on with their lives, dating others without thinking about a guy they've only had two or three dates with until he actually demonstrates sincere interest and moves things forward.

 

Your behavior would put any man off even if he had sincere interest in you. Stop dating for crying out loud!!!!

[sooshi]

Your behaviour is unhealthy and manipulative.

 

Stay in therapy. Stay out of men's way.

 

For a long time.

 

Take care.