Does this get any better?

[Offspring]

Short, sharp relationship with a person. Only lasted five weeks. Went way past the "getting to know you" stage, very quick and very compatible (for me, anyway).

 

I have held off relationships for years. In fact, the last time i had one was probably 6-7 years ago. I've had a few chances since then, but none of them "felt" right.

 

Along comes this person. Seems interested in getting to know me, very helpful at the start, said all the right things (we seemed to have a lot in common). I knew she liked me, only problem was, i had to initiate every step forward and almost "ask" for reassurance (just wanted to know if she was in it, as much as i was, at that stage).

 

We went to a group dinner. I always looked forward to these group dinners, only to see her really. I would have given all that up just to get to know her privately and be in our own world, with our other, previous worlds around us too (work, family, non group-scene friends etc.).

 

She spent the latter part of the night inviting others out to see a movie, and I did not feel included in this. It also seemed she was using the same tactics on them as she had me when she first honed in on me. I was the leader of these group dinners, so i felt a bit walked all over, although she claims she did it because i was "tired", and said, "you don't have to come"... etc.

 

I messaged her the next day and said i will return your things, and no need to contact me after that. A very messy week of texting insued (tried talking on the phone, it didn't work). I know, worst way to end things.

 

She has now moved on (seems like completely). I poured my heart out to her in a text message two nights ago, and said that I need to heal. Have not heard from her since then, and before. She didn't even text me for my birthday, which was last week.

 

I feel betrayed, and ripped off, like she has taken something from me. I waver between anger, contempt, anger at myself, sadness and detachment. Today, I have been going through a particularly hard day, with anger and sadness there. NC has been about 5-7 days. She was icy cold at the end of it and wished me luck.

 

I know that i made the decision to break if off, in liue of feeling like i would eventually be discarded (which is how i felt at that dinner), and feel like the challenge wore off when she thought I was fully available. Same sex relationship by the way.

 

Is it normal to feel completely helpless, hurt, burnt and angry?

Edited October 5, 2016 by Offspring

[DarrenB]

It's so incredibly common for people to lose attraction or love, whether it be 5 weeks to 5 years. The time duration doesn't matter, it's simply how they feel that makes the decision.

 

Seems as if you personally found this r/s insanely compatible, especially towards each other, which of course is not your fault. We see alot of things which might not certainly seem how it is in real time life. Maybe, this was a case of unrequited attraction from her behalf? She may have wanted to take it slower than you might have wanted to? I'm unsure. You know the situation better than anyone, therefore you can come to which conclusion suffices better.

 

I wouldn't beat yourself up continuously about it, especially over something very temporary. Ofcourse, you must take into consideration the feelings and emotions you have released during this, but it doesn't always justify the R/S and it's ending. Of course things get better, I do suggest you take this just as an experience, and apply what you assume went wrong into a new R/S with someone else. Avoid the mishaps and applying the correct things for future reference can only help you progress further into intimacy and finding love, almost definitely not the opposite.

 

It's completely normal to feel how you feel. I am certain, weeks from now maybe less you will look back onto this with ease and slight thought towards it. When things are fresh, we always assume the worst of the other person and very rarely take into consideration how the OP might have been feeling. I've noticed, from past and current experience this is not worth doing. Even when things don't turn out how you want to, and maybe essentially even hurt you to an extent, you must somehow think of the positives about it rather than the negatives. It's one of the first steps to moving on completely.

 

I can only assume she was probably exploring. Looking for options and trying them out. Maybe not so much using you or 'discarding' you in such a way. Most likely just came to the realization that it wasn't necessarily right, for her.

 

You'll soon find yourself completely over this. It's easier said than done but you will. Keep a positive mind and don't linger into too much thought or any at all about this. It'll be hard, but an occupied mind is better than an empty one. Time is of the essence, use it wisely!

[Offspring]

I do suggest you take this just as an experience, and apply what you assume went wrong into a new R/S with someone else.

 

Thank-you DarrenB. I am already seeing things I could have done better and will apply them for the future. For instance, my tendency toward placing too much importance on the other person, and getting anxious that they will leave me. Of course they will if I behave like that! I have some major anxiety issues that I need to work through with a counsellor and could not even fathom the thought of putting myself into another relationship-type situation right now. She pulled the whole "it's only been five weeks". It wasn't like i was asking for anything, just a bit of exclusivity while I got to know her. Just goes to show, she didn't want the real me anyway, which only reinforces feelings that i had that she wouldn't really pursue me in the way that I wanted to be pursued.

 

Guess it hurts that she is exploring her options so quickly, whereas I am not.

Edited October 6, 2016 by Offspring