itisdanielle Posted October 5, 2016 Posted October 5, 2016 Hi guys I haven't been on here in a while but the forum crossed my mind today.. I wanted to come back to firstly say thank you for all the advice I received on here. My ex boyfriend broke up with me around a year ago and posts from users on here and the pinned 'no contact guide' helped SO much. So thank you I also wanted to give a little encouragement to those that are struggling and broken hearted. I know how it feels and I seriously empathise. My relationship was 3 years, ex broke up with me out of the blue and a few months later I found out he was cheating with a mutual friend. I was told over the summer (around 6 months after the breakup) that they're in a relationship and I genuinely didn't even care. I'd already decided that he wasn't the right person for me, I didn't deserve to be with someone who was unfaithful, and that even if he had come back I knew I wouldn't have taken him back at that point. I am proof that you can move on and that it will get easier. I know it doesn't feel like that right now, when it happened to me I had irrational 'I will never get over this, I will never love again' thoughts which actually make me laugh now. Compared to this time last year my life is completely different. Since then I'm still single, I'm happier than I've been in a very long time, have more friends, academic success, new hobbies and life is pretty much amazing. It wasn't easy, I struggled for months. Some days I'd think 'oh, I feel fine, I'm over it!' then the next day it felt like I was back at square one. That's okay -- grief isn't linear so it will feel up and down. The best things you can do; - NO CONTACT (read the pinned post it explains it all much better than I ever could). - Don't let your life fall apart. By this I mean don't stay at home wallowing, avoiding people, ignore work/school/university. A few days of wallowing is okay, have a few duvet days and cry if you want to. But forcing yourself to be busy will help wonders, otherwise you'll sit at home ruminating over every little detail of the relationship and break up. And this will drive you CRAZY. - Try starting a new hobby. I started knitting, going to the gym and yoga. I still knit and do yoga now and love it, and activities like that are quite mindful and really help with negativity. - Live life under the impression that they aren't coming back. Yes, sometimes people regret ending a relationship and want a second chance. But sometimes they DON'T. Life is seriously too short to sit around waiting for someone who decided that their life would be better without you in it. There's no way you can predict whether they'll be back. So, if you tell yourself that they aren't, and progress with moving on, you will heal faster. And if they do come back and you decide to try again then that's just an added bonus.. Like I said It's been a year since my break up and my ex hasn't contacted me once. So they don't always contact. And I am relieved for that as it's helped me move on faster -- contact would have kept me hung up on him for longer. I'm actually quite grateful for my break up now. It made me work so hard to bring happiness into my life. I've dated since but I know that I won't settle for anything less than I deserve in the future. You will come out so much stronger, you just need to give it some time and some effort. I know that after a break up everyone wants to go online and read 'success stories' .. and the type that they want are the ones where the ex came back and they got back together and lived happily ever after. And these stories are amazing, I love them too. But I hope that this has made you consider that a success story can also be someone moving on and becoming happy without their ex Andddd... just because I am a sucker for cheesy, inspirational quotes and they definitely helped me through some sobbing sessions: "I don't want someone who comes back, I want someone who stays." "The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you that you love, well, that's just fabulous." -- Carrie Bradshaw "Don't grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form." -- Rumi "Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one." -- Pocahontas "There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." -- C.S Lewis "Sometimes the bad things that happen in life put us directly on the path to the best things that ever happen to us." [i know it's only fiction, but one example this kinda reminds me of that Sex and the City episode where Charlotte gets divorced but then she actually ends up happily married to her divorce lawyer...] "You may not see it today or tomorrow but you will look back in a few years and be absolutely perplexed and awed by how every little thing added up and brought you somewhere wonderful - or where you always wanted to be. You will be grateful that things didn't work out the way you once wanted them to." 3
DarrenB Posted October 5, 2016 Posted October 5, 2016 Great story and I'm glad you have overcome your B/U. Seems like you're far better off without him, and seem to have coped extremely well. Well done. I hope that people regard this post to motivate them, as the definitely need to hear it from someone who has been through it and succeeded. Determination is key, but determination to get better surpasses that. Myself, I enjoy wallowing and delving in self-doubt; I'm just too used to it now. I'll go about my life, with the hope of reconciling with 'the one' but 95% to never be able to. The sooner I realize it, the better (I won't). Anyhoo... it's nice to hear someone once in a while coping well. I hope you feel this way indefinitely! Best of luck
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