lovesfool Posted October 5, 2016 Posted October 5, 2016 Last week I went on two dates with a guy. On the first date he seemed all nice and friendly. We had a lovely chat and walk in the park. As the date went on, he started to joke about a little. I'm always like a laugh so I went with it. The second date pretty much picked up where the first one left off. He was joking about, and was very sarcastic. I can be sarcastic at times too, but this was a whole new level! The more sarcastic he was, the more sarcastic I became. I think he was feeding off my jokey responses and it just kept escalating! At times it was difficult to get an answer out of him because he would make a joke of it. Then at the end of the night as he walked me home, we both leaned in for a kiss but then he turned away and said he was going home. He said it was all a joke so he leaned in a second time, but again he turned away! I couldn't believe it. I felt so silly and was very close to just leaving him there. But I guess 3rd time was a charm. I do enjoy joking about, but I thought it was a bit too much on a first and second date. It almost felt like a was just a friend that he was having fun with. I thought he might be nervous and having a laugh is his way of hiding it. He seems like a really nice guy and I want to give him a chance, but I'm worried that he's putting on this act, not that I know him well enough to say that! He could very well be like that to everyone and he is actually being himself. Another example was when he joked about my hair. I'm not easily offended, so I made a joke about his in return. Was that the wrong thing to do? It's all a bit of fun, but I feel the more I play into his game, the more it gets out of hand and the harder it is to talk about "real" things. Should I stop responding in the same way and take a bit more of a serious approach, or am I just barking up the wrong tree with this guy?
ja123 Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 It sounds like he's nervous and putting on an act, as you say. Try not playing into the jokes (or tone it down) so that you can talk about "real" things. What/where did you do/go on your first two dates?
Dis Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 It's possible he couldve been nervous but.... For me this kind of behavior wouldve been a huge turn off...dont get me wrong...I absolutely love funny guys but there needs to be a balance...it doesnt sound like this guy understands that, or is capable of achieving that balance Did this guy ask you questions about yourself? Did he inquire about your job, what you're looking for, what you like to do for fun etc etc??? You can correct me if I'm wrong but it doesnt sound like you two talked about anything of substance...the dates revolved around his jokes....thats a problem I met a guy like this once....I gave it a try but he honestly was not capable of actually having a conversation that was conducive to dating and getting to know one another so I cut things off. Tbh, his constant joking was pretty frustrating and blocked anything from progressing the way it should Him turning his head twice when going in for a kiss wouldve killed any desire I had to kiss him in the first place...bye!....there are times and places to joke around...this isnt one of them You can give him another try if you want...but I have a feeling this is going no where very quickly 1
Author lovesfool Posted October 6, 2016 Author Posted October 6, 2016 What/where did you do/go on your first two dates? Our first date was just a walk in the park. The second date was to a local bar for some drinks. Did this guy ask you questions about yourself? Did he inquire about your job, what you're looking for, what you like to do for fun etc etc??? You can correct me if I'm wrong but it doesnt sound like you two talked about anything of substance...the dates revolved around his jokes....thats a problem He did ask questions about me and we did have nice conversations, but it was peppered with sarcasm and sometimes strange jokes. I like a bit of quirky humour, but it was a surprise to hear them on a first or second date! I am starting to think he might be a little insecure. After the second date he messaged me asking if I enjoyed the date. I was asleep at the time so only read it the following morning and I did not get time to answer it until my work break. In the meantime he messaged me saying "I guess not". Probably because he saw I had read the message and didn't reply. I also noticed he would also say things like "if you want to go, don't let me stop you" or "if you don't want to meet for another date, that's fine". I didn't think anything of it, but maybe he's using humour to shield himself from disappointment? That could all be some nonsense I made up, but just a thought! He also deleted his dating account where I met him. I don't know if that means anything but just said I would mention it!
LD1990 Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 Sounds like a pain in the ass. Telling you not to let him stop you if you want to leave and it's fine if you don't want to meet again...yeah dude, thanks for the info but most people already know that they have free will. And saying "I guess not" because you didn't respond to this question quickly enough is passive aggressive. If you like the guy and none of this is too big a deal for you, more power to ya. He does sound insecure, so it's really a matter of what you're willing to put up with.
mortensorchid Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 I am not sure about people who are jokers. I think they are insecure deep inside, they feel a need to be "on" to others in order to get them to like them. When a joker all of a sudden turns otherwise, you might see who is really underneath. I was with one who was a joker, he was immature I began to realize, he'd never advanced beyond junior high school in terms of his emotional development. And one day he showed me his true colors - angry, miserable, jealous, abusive. That is who he really was. Karma was a real b**** to him (I'll tell that story in another thread). A horrible man who had a horrible life after me.
pteromom Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 I love a jokey guy. But there is a time and a place. Going in for a kiss? NOT the time. That almost seems like he was trying to put himself in a superior position and make you feel insecure. I wouldn't necessarily write him off YET. But I would go out with him once more and say "I love the joking around, but I want to get to know who you are beyond the joking too." See what he does. If he tones it down and is able to have a normal conversation, I'd give it a chance. BUT - if he pulls that kiss thing again, that would probably be it for me. 2
Nowty V Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 Previous posts have said it, he sounds insecure and needs to be more 'authentic'
thecrucible Posted October 6, 2016 Posted October 6, 2016 I love a jokey guy. But there is a time and a place. Going in for a kiss? NOT the time. That almost seems like he was trying to put himself in a superior position and make you feel insecure. I wouldn't necessarily write him off YET. But I would go out with him once more and say "I love the joking around, but I want to get to know who you are beyond the joking too." See what he does. If he tones it down and is able to have a normal conversation, I'd give it a chance. BUT - if he pulls that kiss thing again, that would probably be it for me. I agree with this. Then if it doesn't work out, it shouldn't feel for him like you didn't give him a chance. You might find out something interesting by broaching the subject with him. OP, I can see where you are coming from. Being jokey is good for a bit, but you also need the heart warming conversation to develop things properly. Maybe he gets nervous talking about more serious things or he is a sensitive soul and is trying too hard to show that he is confident? I think like us women, men also struggle with the variety of dating advice out there. I have come across a lot of quieter or more sensitive guys being confused by it and trying to adopt a more macho persona when they don't need to.
Author lovesfool Posted October 9, 2016 Author Posted October 9, 2016 I went on another date with him last night. I decided to ask him about the "incident" where he backed away from my kiss. He admitted that he tends to joke like that when he's nervous. At least he was honest about it. The more I chat to him, the more I get the sense that he is defensive and is afraid to open up, but does it in a jokey way, to mask it maybe. I said this before, but if I ask him "do you need to leave" (this is when he mentioned he had to go by a certain time) he would reply "do you want me to leave?". He does this regularly, answering questions with another question! He's very hard to read in that way. I can't really call him up on that because I tend to be reserved as well, but in a different way. I'm not very good at expressing affection, but that's a whole different story! Although one thing that is getting to me is that I rarely see him smile! I know he's enjoying himself, he tells me (when I finally get an answer out of him!) and wants to go on more dates which is a real sign he likes me. But anytime I'm with him he seems to hold something back and is uncomfortable. Again, maybe it's nerves. Is there any way to get him to be more relaxed? I suggested going for a few drinks to maybe loosen him up, but he said he's not a big alcohol drinker and declined. I was thinking of maybe a movie night, sitting on the sofa, which would be a much more relaxed setting, but that might be a bit suggestive of Netflix and chill, which is not my intention!
preraph Posted October 9, 2016 Posted October 9, 2016 I've known a couple too many mean jokesters to want any part of them. If he was saying anything insulting in jest to you, there is an underlying desire to put you down, and since he doesn't even know you, that means putting all women down, so he has a problem with women. This can be an early sign of abuse, a red flag that you shouldn't ignore. If he does this on the first couple of dates, think what all he is holding back. And it sounds miserable, to be frank. The kissing thing is ridiculous, trying to make you beg. To me he sounds not harmless.
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