When does the crying stop?

[Br0kenInside]

My boyfriend of nine months broke up with me seven weeks ago and I'm still beyond devastated. I'm 31 and hes 34.

 

 

During our nine months we were damn near perfect. Never fought-closest thing that came to it was discussions. We wanted all the same things in life, had the same humor, talked everyday and he was always the first one to persue. From the moment we met it was literally like a freaking fairytale-and I'm not corny or cheesy like that. We also were very independent people with our own friends, activities, and overall lives. He never said I love you, but neither of us are big on that word. However, he would go above and beyond for me without asking and would say things more sweet and romantic than 'I love you."

 

 

From the moment I met him I knew (or thought I knew) "holy **** this is it!"

 

 

7 weeks ago, he came to my apartment out of nowhere and looked really upset, to the point of shaking. He said we needed to talk. Told me he isn't in love with me. I asked if he had ever been before and he said "no I've honestly never been in love with anyone." He then went on to say I'm everything he wants in another person, im his biggest support system, he can't imagine me not being in his life etc.

 

 

Any questions I had to ask he readily answered. He promised several times that he would contact me again within a few months but right now he needs time to heal.

 

 

Why does he need time to heal? hes not the one getting heartbroken

After 7 weeks on NC is there any chance he ever will contact me again?

 

 

For the record- I've 90% accepted hes not coming back, and 100% unsure if I even would. I just want to hear from him.

 

 

I fluctuate between crying hysterically and being depressed to the point I can't move to being almost manic (feeling really really energetic and wired, racing thoughts). I start sobbing out of nowhere, I have no appetite, cant sleep at night. I'm making thoughtless mistakes at work.

 

 

I'm doing a lot of things to make myself distracted, Hanging with friends, exercising, 2 trips planned, therapy (both professional and retail) and I'm still devastated.

 

 

It feels so unreal and still so fresh. I've never reacted this way to any kind of break up before. I've dated people for 2.5-5 years and never got anywhere near this level of insanity.

 

How long did it take others to start feeling better?

How could he never ever be in love in his life?

Edited October 5, 2016 by Br0kenInside

[VeveCakes]

He may be emotionally detached.

 

I dont know when it stops....its so hard. I mean I am still struggling with my breakup (5 months together) and it was about 7 weeks ago too. My ex is constantly reaching out to me though...and I let him in every time. I just can't get over him. Im trying to date other people but all I can think about is him.

 

I dont have any advice other than its not you, it IS him. And hugs...I hope you feel better soon.

[Flyer1899]

It's impossible to know why feelings change. I've always believed that if it was meant to be, it would be. I was in a similar "perfect" over 2 year relationship but then ended similar to how yours did. She said we'd touch base in some way in a month or two but that was it, never heard anything again and that was 7 months ago. I suppose if it's really over then that's for the best.

 

Everyone's timing is different and it probably depends on how much you cared about the person for when you can truly move on. Despite trying everything I'm still not over it after 7 months but I do see light at the end of the tunnel, meeting new people, doing things you never did before all are good. You now know you can have deep love for someone and it's something you can find again.

[DarrenB]

Give yourself the benefit of the doubt. It's somewhat almost a certainty that you had done nothing wrong from your behalf, but, maybe he had cold feet. Do you know about his entire past? previous experiences with other partners? sounds as if he himself is not ready to take on something serious, especially at the age you two are currently at. As much as I both empathize and sympathize for you, I believe he made the correct decision, for now... rather than leading you on to believe something that is obsolete and non-existent.

 

People always assume the 'dumpee' is the only one heartbroken. Myself, being the dumpee on a few occasions (including my most recent relationship ending of 2 years), I never realized or understood it from their perspective. You only think at the time exactly: 'how could they do such a thing?' 'how heartless' and so forth. I now, 50+ days into active No Contact believe that they hurt as well, sometimes more than we do. They cut us out and our existence to them is minimal to factor out the pain, regret or simply guilt of the R/S and ultimately the B/U. Everyone needs time in a B/U: the dumpee, the dumper. Whether they return to us, is an entirely different situation. I am 18, I am still currently waiting for the day my ex realizes what we had was special, and she understands the hardships that come into people live's unexpectedly... hopefully by then we may be able to reconcile, but I must also prepare and be able to cope with the potential realization that she never will and probably already has moved on (we have each other blocked on all social media, I am unable to see her in person).

 

The aftermath of what you're going through and the toll of what it is doing to you is entirely normal. I hope you will progress as the days continue on and realize alot of which you should have the first day really, but also you must see it from a different, more melancholy approach. Just to really empathize for yourself in this situation, and for him. Through my experience/s, I will not lie to you and tell you things get better. I don't believe it. But, I will tell you that things will get better when you start making it. I am in-denial, I cannot simply come to terms with this loss, that is just me. But I'm sure you can, you have that willpower and you have the determination to get what you seek in life. From a young age to a considerably maturer age, we all learn, day in day out. It helps us apply things for future reference and to avoid making the same mistakes, hopefully.

 

7 weeks... yes and no. There is a chance he could come back tomorrow, a month, a year, anytime. But that is not something you should think about, holding onto something that may not return will not help you in your process of healing at all. It will just prevent you entirely. Knowing that someone... you thought loved you, or you had the most special connection with... knowing that they could not fight for you is a very hard feeling. But they've definitely given it some thought, I would have assumed. If he really felt the same way, he will return. In time, and when/if he is ready. Of course, if you are ready also and you haven't moved on yourself yet.

 

People say alot of things. Sometimes they mean it, sometimes it's simply propaganda. Someone telling someone that they have never been in love... If I was asked that 2 years ago I would have agreed. Personally, I wasn't one to believe all that malarkey, well, until I met the most unique and genuine girl (whom I have now lost). The generation we currently live in, is one of which I do not really enjoy... where intercourse and monogamy/getting around became so much easier, and love became harder to find, I understand his statement on 'love'. Even now, after my own B/U, I ask myself 'Does love actually exist?'. Maybe, maybe not. We all have our own views on it.

 

So, in conclusion to your initial thread question: When does the crying stop? well. When you let it stop. Of course you're going to have a very wide variety of different emotions that will either set you back or help you move on, sounds as if it's abit of both at the minute, which is entirely normal. B/U's are never really easy and simple to get over, regardless of age, severity or duration spent together. You need to ask yourself the questions, do you want to get better? do you want to pursue in finding a long term partner again? in time?. There's always time to grieve, dwell, hope and admit to your past... but letting a presence from the past direct you in the future is something that shouldn't be the case.

 

Things will get better when you choose to get better yourself. Your own love for yourself is a love like no other. You know yourself better than anyone. Overcome the worst, to progress into self-satisfaction and fulfillment. You will find your perpetual partner, when you are 100% ready. Get better for yourself and hope for a more pleasant future. We all learn from our mistakes, and we all deserve a good future. As cliche as the phrase is, I stick by it: Good things, come to the people that wait.

Edited October 5, 2016 by DarrenB