It's official: Online dating is a complete joke

October 5, 2016

Clearly that's no longer the case anymore.

Yea, I think it's more of a relic from the past.

Back in the day, when men were expected to support a woman fully AND do all the work of courting her, looks probably did mean less to them.

October 5, 2016

Clearly that's no longer the case anymore.

And there's nothing wrong with that. I'm no Channing Tatum, so it's not as though I'm fighting the ladies off with a stick. Yet, I still see the hypocrisy of men thinking women shouldn't care much about looks/physical attraction while it's perfectly acceptable for men to care very much about those things.

October 5, 2016

I'm pretty sure it is.

Why do you think a woman would change her criteria just because one man is on a computer screen and another is in real life?

Women are slightly more likely to date a guy who they are not initially attracted to.

But it cancels out because men are attracted to a MUCH wider range of women in terms of face, body, and race.

Because if the criteria that they have online is what they actually want in real life too, then a huge percentage of men won't ever stand a chance.

And they would probably date a guy they aren't initially attracted to just as long as he has a whole lot of other things going for him to compromise on him not being that attractive. I just feel it defeats the purpose of even being with her.

October 5, 2016

Annual number of US marriages: ~2 million, 25% of this is half a million. So there's a million people a year who wouldn't have met their partner without it, regardless of the outcome.

Was your point that it was joke because you couldn't find someone to happily marry you (because I didn't see that written anywhere), or that women stop talking to you after a short time? Because that's what you did write. There's a world of difference between those two things.

Also, you conveniently ignored everything else I pointed out.

The whole concept of attraction is shallow. You're first attracted to people you find physically attractive, then you consider their other attributes and merits, etc. It's no different from going to a bar, looking at all the women in there, disqualifying the ones you don't want to talk to for whatever reason and talking to the ones you do. Doing it online doesn't make it any more or less shallow. You're just as complicit in it too, assuming you have any kind of preference or criteria for a match.

I didn't ignore it, I just can't copy and paste and quote on mobile.

The joke is the utter lack of communication and disregard of consideration. You seem to completely dismiss the fact that most of the time, it is completely irrelevant on how you approach most of these women online along with how you look, what you do, etc. Go ahead, make an alternate profile. Use a pic of a handsome guy, write up a bunch of bull on your profile and see how far you get. Tell me if you get any more hits with that than your regular profile.

Also, the idea that 1/3 of marriages are formed online is misleading. Online is a general term. Do you mean dating sites? If so, I would like to see evidence. My ex-wife remarried someone she met on Facebook.

Let's also not forget the colossal negative wall of reputation men have online. If you're getting 50 messages a day as a woman with half being from pigs, how good of a chance do you think the genuine guys have?

October 5, 2016

And there's nothing wrong with that. I'm no Channing Tatum, so it's not as though I'm fighting the ladies off with a stick. Yet, I still see the hypocrisy of men thinking women shouldn't care much about looks/physical attraction while it's perfectly acceptable for men to care very much about those things.

No one ever said women shouldn't care much about looks/physical attraction, the problem is that with online dating a lot of women only want the top tier guys in terms of looks as well as being on the top tier in other areas. There's going to be a lot of lonely people out there if a lot of women's criteria is the same in person as it is online. How many success stories do you honestly hear with online dating? All I mainly hear the vast majority of the time is negativity with it in terms of flaking, stop messaging, going on a date & it turning out bad etc. I rarely hear of many happy outcomes with online dating.

October 5, 2016

No one ever said women shouldn't care much about looks/physical attraction, the problem is that with online dating a lot of women only want the top tier guys in terms of looks as well as being on the top tier in other areas.

So? They'll either get a guy like that or they'll remain single/alone.

Let them learn that themselves.

How many success stories do you honestly hear with online dating? All I mainly hear the vast majority of the time is negativity with it in terms of flaking, stop messaging, going on a date & it turning out bad etc. I rarely hear of many happy outcomes with online dating.

I've heard plenty. I've witnessed plenty. You mainly hear the negativity regarding it because you yourself are negative, so I suspect you seek out discussions that are similar to your experiences and more or less block out anything that doesn't meet your confirmation bias.

October 5, 2016

So? They'll either get a guy like that or they'll remain single/alone.

Let them learn that themselves.

I've heard plenty. I've witnessed plenty. You mainly hear the negativity regarding it because you yourself are negative, so I suspect you seek out discussions that are similar to your experiences and more or less block out anything that doesn't meet your confirmation bias.

True, but at the same time than that just leaves a whole bunch of men out that will never stand a chance for a relationship if most of the women just want the best looking guys.

I don't seek out anything. I just state what I hear & read myself on sites like this as well as other forums. Of course I hear of some people getting into relationships through online dating which is good. But way more often then not it's much more negatives with online dating than positive when it comes to seeking relationships.

October 5, 2016

So again, this is the kind of thing online brings:

Just now, the last person I was talking to since tow days ago called me a nutjob. What happened?

Last night she sends a bunch of texts complaining about her job. We then get into how many kids, etc. I ask if she would like to meet just to see if there is chemisty. She replied sounds good. Then we talked a a little about football. I end the the night texting back some of the the things I like to do followed by a selfie of me wearing my Red Sox hat saying "I'm a fan of baseball too" because sports was in the discussion somewhere. She never texted back.

I send one text today. One. "Hey, how are you? You vanished last night and I wanted to know if you were still up for a meet."

What do I get back?

"This is why I hate online dating. Nutjobs like yourself who text too much at once."

So basically, I'm insulted for texting things I like, just like she did. I was nice the whole time. I then asked "What is so bad about about getting to know a couple of things we both like?"

"Too much, too soon."

Like....OK. Ummm, EXACTLY WHAT IS THE F$%KING POINT THEN? All I did, really was say I can draw really well, fix technical issues for a living and like the Red Sox and Patriots and that there is no drama in my life AFTER I heard about her damn job and kids.

But I'm the nutjob...

I swear people need to grow up with this texing deal. If you can't handle a phone conversation, then you should be able to handle a text that gives a very short description of oneself. I mean, you type and read more IN THE VERY SAME PROFILE.

I'll file this under another grown up with the mentality of a 10 year old. Good God.

Edited October 5, 2016 by StillSingle

October 5, 2016

Stop online dating. Go outside. Meet people in the flesh.

October 5, 2016

Not trying to be a jerk (as I've actually experienced a lot of things in your original post), but too much texting gives off a desparate vibe.

I feel you may be giving off that vibe.

Honestly, I've inadvertantly had a lot of success with the women I've not responded to when getting to know them (while I was out camping, out of service, etc.)

Gotta hang back a bit

October 5, 2016

Because if the criteria that they have online is what they actually want in real life too, then a huge percentage of men won't ever stand a chance.

And they would probably date a guy they aren't initially attracted to just as long as he has a whole lot of other things going for him to compromise on him not being that attractive. I just feel it defeats the purpose of even being with her.

Because some of the same women who give guys a chance in real life give guys a chance online. The only thing is they are very difficult to pick out ... both in real life and online.

Like I said, there's almost more of a chance that they'll message you.

October 5, 2016

So? They'll either get a guy like that or they'll remain single/alone.

Let them learn that themselves.

This does happen.

I remember hanging out with female friends in bars 7-10 years ago and they'd be talking trash about how this friend and that friend of mine was not good looking or tall enough, etc, etc ... and they eventually ended up marrying somebody who was even less good looking (in my objective opinion) and just as short.

Personally, I hope my girlfriend/wife would not be a woman who was like that.

Even when I was young, I was never like that.

October 5, 2016

Not trying to be a jerk (as I've actually experienced a lot of things in your original post), but too much texting gives off a desparate vibe.

I feel you may be giving off that vibe.

Honestly, I've inadvertantly had a lot of success with the women I've not responded to when getting to know them (while I was out camping, out of service, etc.)

Gotta hang back a bit

But why, especially when she texted a bunch too? If it was a phone conversation it would have lasted 3 minutes.

I would rather not text but alas, that's what most feel OK with.

I'm 41. She is 40. I mean, these are two grown adults. This wasn't me blowing her up all night. They were simple texts in attempt to get a general idea out there.

If people get a desperate vibe off of that, then screw it. I'll delete my account now because communication is key and if people can't handle that, they should stop trying to date anyone.

October 6, 2016

Because some of the same women who give guys a chance in real life give guys a chance online. The only thing is they are very difficult to pick out ... both in real life and online.

Like I said, there's almost more of a chance that they'll message you.

And that's the problem though. They're very difficult to pick out which makes it really difficult for most guys to stand a chance. I deleted all my dating accounts at this point except for Tinder where I don't have to spend a lot of time on it. I don't stand a chance at the moment with what women look for especially through online dating. And I'm not going out with women I have no attraction to so I'm better off staying single.

October 6, 2016

And that's the problem though. They're very difficult to pick out which makes it really difficult for most guys to stand a chance. I deleted all my dating accounts at this point except for Tinder where I don't have to spend a lot of time on it. I don't stand a chance at the moment with what women look for especially through online dating. And I'm not going out with women I have no attraction to so I'm better off staying single.

I assume you live in NJ like myself?

I'm starting to wonder if NJ girls are just that much more difficult.

October 6, 2016

This does happen.

I remember hanging out with female friends in bars 7-10 years ago and they'd be talking trash about how this friend and that friend of mine was not good looking or tall enough, etc, etc ... and they eventually ended up marrying somebody who was even less good looking (in my objective opinion) and just as short.

Personally, I hope my girlfriend/wife would not be a woman who was like that.

Even when I was young, I was never like that.

I could be wrong, but it sounds like those women went the typical provider route where they just marry some guy with a good job that they have no attraction to but settle for them because the guy can take care of her where she lives comfortably.

October 6, 2016

I assume you live in NJ like myself?

I'm starting to wonder if NJ girls are just that much more difficult.

Yeah I live in NJ. And I really don't know. But to be fair though at my job 99% of the women I interact with at my job are really friendly. The vast majority of them I notice are in relationships/married though which makes sense since the good women get taken off the dating market fairly quick.

October 6, 2016

And that's the problem though. They're very difficult to pick out which makes it really difficult for most guys to stand a chance. I deleted all my dating accounts at this point except for Tinder where I don't have to spend a lot of time on it. I don't stand a chance at the moment with what women look for especially through online dating. And I'm not going out with women I have no attraction to so I'm better off staying single.

Oh, it's tough. I won't argue that.

Sometimes for fun, I go back and read Match.com profiles of women's preferences/requirements and I laugh at them and thank the lucky stars that I don't have to deal with that right now!

But some day in the future...

October 6, 2016

Oh, it's tough. I won't argue that.

Sometimes for fun, I go back and read Match.com profiles of women's preferences/requirements and I laugh at them and thank the lucky stars that I don't have to deal with that right now!

But some day in the future...

lol don't even get me started on the whole match.com thing. You might of saw my thread from a few weeks ago where I mentioned making an account on there & seeing their preferences/requirements. I was in utter disbelief by how crazy their preferences/requirements were. I just want no part of that & would never spend $30 a month on that even if I was making 6 figures a year.

I think our best bet is to somehow meet someone in person somewhere & not through online dating. It's just it would be difficult to meet a single woman that isn't on at least 1 dating app since most single people seem to use some form of it these days.

October 6, 2016

This is online dating. It's like a giant (virtual) room full of singles who are strangers. And like any group of strangers, you have no idea what their intentions are. Some are sincere, some are confused, some are still in a relationship and trying to get out, some just want to be ogled. And almost everyone tries to punch above their weight. So even if you've gone on a couple of dates, unless they delete their profile, they never left the room and could find someone else in the room.

What I'd say is until you are exclusive with someone and they delete their profile, don't get overly invested in them. You need a thick skin and if they fade or ghost, move on. Oh and don't be one of those people you are complaining about.

October 6, 2016

I'm still a little irritated for being called a nutjob over mentioning about 3 things I like that are not personal whatsoever.

I'll get over it. It's just mind boggling.

October 6, 2016

I think our best bet is to somehow meet someone in person somewhere & not through online dating. It's just it would be difficult to meet a single woman that isn't on at least 1 dating app since most single people seem to use some form of it these days.

In person is tough for a number of reasons, the foremost being that you could get to know a woman for months, fall for her, and think she's getting to like you and in reality, she was not attracted to you from Day 1 and never will be.

At least with OLD, that problem is remedied.

October 6, 2016

The joke is the utter lack of communication and disregard of consideration. You seem to completely dismiss the fact that most of the time, it is completely irrelevant on how you approach most of these women online along with how you look, what you do, etc.

I'd rather not start another argument on this topic, but if you "approach" women on there and expect, you're playing a fool's game.

You're assuming she likes you despite given you absolutely no indication of interest. This is akin to walking up to someone on the street and just assuming they're an accountant. Sure, they might be, but they're probably not. You don't walk into a bar and start talking to random girls, assuming that they like you by mere virtue of the fact that you exist, do you? It's much more methodical to just wait around until a girl gives you a signal, talks to you, or you can talk to her circumstantially rather than doing some song and dance, don't you think? Also, I don't want to get into another discussion on this, but sending unsolicited messages (without her "liking," "winking," or matching with you) is just an advertisement that no other woman will talk to you, and that's not a good look. You're empowering them and making yourself look worse. If you disagree, start another thread about it.

This is where Tinder and Bumble have found a niche. People you don't want to talk to can't talk to you. There are no random people assuming that just because they have a profile (regardless of quality), that you want to hear from them. It adds a necessary barrier that you're very apt to disregard, for some reason.

Most people just don't want to talk to most other people. Stick to the ones who you know want to talk to you and this will be infinitely less frustrating for you.

Go ahead, make an alternate profile. Use a pic of a handsome guy, write up a bunch of bull on your profile and see how far you get. Tell me if you get any more hits with that than your regular profile.

Why would I need to do that? I'm not the one struggling. I'm the one with demonstrably good results with OLD who inevitably gets told how wrong he is by posters who assume their struggles are no fault of their own. Here's my inbox:

http://s13.postimg.org/itawsuspz/funnyprofile.jpg

http://s10.postimg.org/kjimu17sp/captions.jpg

Now go ahead and tell me I don't know what I'm talking about.

Also, the idea that 1/3 of marriages are formed online is misleading. Online is a general term. Do you mean dating sites? If so, I would like to see evidence. My ex-wife remarried someone she met on Facebook.

Google "percentage of marriages that started online."

Let's also not forget the colossal negative wall of reputation men have online. If you're getting 50 messages a day as a woman with half being from pigs, how good of a chance do you think the genuine guys have?

If that was the case, I'm not saying that is either, it's not too difficult to delete and/or filter through the trash. Also, you're once again conflating "not being a pig" with "someone a girl wants to go out with."

So again, this is the kind of thing online brings:

Just now, the last person I was talking to since tow days ago called me a nutjob. What happened?
[...]
"This is why I hate online dating. Nutjobs like yourself who text too much at once."

Remember back in my first response in this thread where I told you no one wants to text that much before even meeting? And then you didn't address it.

So basically, I'm insulted for texting things I like, just like she did. I was nice the whole time. I then asked "What is so bad about about getting to know a couple of things we both like?"

"Too much, too soon."

What does it matter if you were nice the whole time if you were that overbearing? Why are you so eager to dump all this trivial information on her before you even meet? Especially a "selfie." I'm surprised she even responded after that. The sharing of all the unrequested and useless info is unnecessary, eager to please, desperate, and startling. I can totally empathize with this girl and yet here you are stating you've tried "everything," and all of OLD is a joke when it'd be hard for you to sabotage yourself any worse than you are already.

I swear people need to grow up with this texing deal. If you can't handle a phone conversation, then you should be able to handle a text that gives a very short description of oneself. I mean, you type and read more IN THE VERY SAME PROFILE.

Does it matter? You aren't going to change the culture, and your failure to understand it and adapt to it will likely prevent you from having success.

Edited October 6, 2016 by normal person

October 6, 2016

I'd rather not start another argument on this topic, but if you "approach" women on there and expect, you're playing a fool's game.
You're assuming she likes you despite given you absolutely no indication of interest. This is akin to walking up to someone on the street and just assuming they're an accountant. Sure, they might be, but they're probably not. You don't walk into a bar and start talking to random girls, assuming that they like you by mere virtue of the fact that you exist, do you? It's much more methodical to just wait around until a girl gives you a signal, talks to you, or you can talk to her circumstantially rather than doing some song and dance, don't you think? Also, I don't want to get into another discussion on this, but sending unsolicited messages (without her "liking," "winking," or matching with you) is just an advertisement that no other woman will talk to you, and that's not a good look. You're empowering them and making yourself look worse. If you disagree, start another thread about it.

This is where Tinder and Bumble have found a niche. People you don't want to talk to can't talk to you. There are no random people assuming that just because they have a profile (regardless of quality), that you want to hear from them. It adds a necessary barrier that you're very apt to disregard, for some reason.

Most people just don't want to talk to most other people. Stick to the ones who you know want to talk to you and this will be infinitely less frustrating for you.

Why would I need to do that? I'm not the one struggling. I'm the one with demonstrably good results with OLD who inevitably gets told how wrong he is by posters who assume their struggles are no fault of their own. Here's my inbox:

http://s13.postimg.org/itawsuspz/funnyprofile.jpg
http://s10.postimg.org/kjimu17sp/captions.jpg

Now go ahead and tell me I don't know what I'm talking about.

Google "percentage of marriages that started online."

If that was the case, I'm not saying that is either, it's not too difficult to delete and/or filter through the trash. Also, you're once again conflating "not being a pig" with "someone a girl wants to go out with."

Remember back in my first response in this thread where I told you no one wants to text that much before even meeting? And then you didn't address it.

What does it matter if you were nice the whole time if you were that overbearing? Why are you so eager to dump all this trivial information on her before you even meet? Especially a "selfie." I'm surprised she even responded after that. The sharing of all the unrequested and useless info is unnecessary, eager to please, desperate, and startling. I can totally empathize with this girl and yet here you are stating you've tried "everything," and all of OLD is a joke when it'd be hard for you to sabotage yourself any worse than you are already.

Does it matter? You aren't going to change the culture, and your failure to understand it and adapt to it will likely prevent you from having success.

Did you not read the part where I mention she texted as much as me?

Oh, she also sent a selfie first so you know, thought it was OK to comply.

She also texted me what she liked so I figure why not engage with the discussion.

If you're such an expert with OLD, then by all means stick to it and stop coming here attempting to prove everyone who has had issues wrong. On this, you're way off pal. Chick was nuts. Deal with it.

And I find this whole idea that I'm in the fault for basically reaffirming what was in my profile already pretty absurd. It was a simple conversation. I mean what are we, 12?

GTFO

Edited October 6, 2016 by StillSingle

October 6, 2016

In person is tough for a number of reasons, the foremost being that you could get to know a woman for months, fall for her, and think she's getting to like you and in reality, she was not attracted to you from Day 1 and never will be.

At least with OLD, that problem is remedied.

How would that even happen though? I mean it would take a lot less than months to know whether the woman really likes you or not unless you just flat out never ask her out to begin with where you'll never know.

OLD is both good & bad for the same reason in that there's a lot of people you can message, but at the same time it's bad because OLD favors women where they have unlimited options at their disposal if they're attractive so most guys don't stand a chance with the women most guys would want unless they have good looks, a good job, tall etc. Even women that are deemed as average looking have a lot of options due to all the messages they receive. I guess it is what it is though since we can't change it.

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It's official: Online dating is a complete joke

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