Flirting with Fire - My Long Story

[malvern99]

In the last week, I opened the email communication line. This was never done before. I wanted to get MM's attention so I told him about a potential photography job. (He is a freelance photographer). He replied within a few hours. On Sunday we went back and forth on that. I asked if he wanted to talk about the details in person. I really wanted to know what his intention was from this "friendship". Instead I said that that I was moving the chess pieces around hoping for a checkmate. (The end of this game). He said I know there is no "job" here. He also said that the pieces had to stop moving because his wife was getting suspicious. My reply was "I apologize for my misinterpretation of your actions". His last email was "please don't contact me again."

 

I think on some level I just wanted this to end. I was living from event to event and he drew so much energy from me and away from everything else. I didn't care about much because my focus was always him. Too many tears have been shed for this jerk. Now I can move on from this point.

I was so close to falling off, but as I read his last response, I literally felt like I was yanked from the edge of hell.

 

You need to be really honest with yourself if you really want to move forward. You do/did not really want this to end. From your very first post, literally everyone who responded told you to leave this man alone and run. However, every time you updated your story, you had done just the opposite. You had escalated the risque behavior and continued to obliterate your boundaries as a married person. You even opened up new lines of communication under false pretenses just to talk to this man. Who does that?

 

Today I resigned from lunchroom duty and home and school. I need to disappear and have NC with both of them.

 

I don't think he had any real feelings for me. I was used as a toy and an ego booster. Now I am ready to fully invest myself in my marriage and in my daughter's life and in my family.

 

Thank you all for listening.

 

Resigning was the right thing to do, but I feel you did it for the wrong reasons. I normally get excited when I see wandering spouses actively choose their family over cheap thrills, but in your case, that is not what happened. To be frank, I do not think you are choosing your husband and daughter at all. They are your consolation prize because MM turned you down for now. That makes me really sad for them. You can fake being "fully invested" in their lives all you want, but until you face up to the truth, you will just be wasting time. I wonder, what would happen if MM sent you an email asking to meet you right now? My bottom dollar bets you would throw your new found "investment" in your husband and daughter overboard in a heart beat, because they are not the prize you crave. The moment you acknowledge that is the moment you can begin to do the work you need to do on yourself. Best of luck.

[DKT3]

In the last week, I opened the email communication line. This was never done before. I wanted to get MM's attention so I told him about a potential photography job. (He is a freelance photographer). He replied within a few hours. On Sunday we went back and forth on that. I asked if he wanted to talk about the details in person. I really wanted to know what his intention was from this "friendship". Instead I said that that I was moving the chess pieces around hoping for a checkmate. (The end of this game). He said I know there is no "job" here. He also said that the pieces had to stop moving because his wife was getting suspicious. My reply was "I apologize for my misinterpretation of your actions". His last email was "please don't contact me again."

 

I think on some level I just wanted this to end. I was living from event to event and he drew so much energy from me and away from everything else. I didn't care about much because my focus was always him. Too many tears have been shed for this jerk. Now I can move on from this point.

I was so close to falling off, but as I read his last response, I literally felt like I was yanked from the edge of hell.

 

Today I resigned from lunchroom duty and home and school. I need to disappear and have NC with both of them.

 

I don't think he had any real feelings for me. I was used as a toy and an ego booster. Now I am ready to fully invest myself in my marriage and in my daughter's life and in my family.

 

Thank you all for listening.

Your husband is a lucky man, he gets a wife who's only there because she was rejected.

 

But positive progress, seriously.

[JewelD]

Yeah, good idea to leave him alone. However, what will you do if a new guy comes along who is willing to give you attention? Or the current guy changes his mind? I imagine your family will be put on the backburner yet again.

[Sharona21]

You need to be really honest with yourself if you really want to move forward. You do/did not really want this to end. From your very first post, literally everyone who responded told you to leave this man alone and run. However, every time you updated your story, you had done just the opposite. You had escalated the risque behavior and continued to obliterate your boundaries as a married person. You even opened up new lines of communication under false pretenses just to talk to this man. Who does that?

 

 

 

Resigning was the right thing to do, but I feel you did it for the wrong reasons. I normally get excited when I see wandering spouses actively choose their family over cheap thrills, but in your case, that is not what happened. To be frank, I do not think you are choosing your husband and daughter at all. They are your consolation prize because MM turned you down for now. That makes me really sad for them. You can fake being "fully invested" in their lives all you want, but until you face up to the truth, you will just be wasting time. I wonder, what would happen if MM sent you an email asking to meet you right now? My bottom dollar bets you would throw your new found "investment" in your husband and daughter overboard in a heart beat, because they are not the prize you crave. The moment you acknowledge that is the moment you can begin to do the work you need to do on yourself. Best of luck.

 

Thanks for your opinion. But I disagree with you. If I got an email from MM, I would not jump at the opportunity. Nor do I consider my family a consolation prize. Ugh.

[ChickiePops]

Thanks for your opinion. But I disagree with you. If I got an email from MM, I would not jump at the opportunity. Nor do I consider my family a consolation prize. Ugh.

 

Ok, so what happens next time a guy shows you attention? What will you do?

[DKT3]

Thanks for your opinion. But I disagree with you. If I got an email from MM, I would not jump at the opportunity. Nor do I consider my family a consolation prize. Ugh.

 

The last paragraph of your previous post says different

[malvern99]

Thanks for your opinion. But I disagree with you. If I got an email from MM, I would not jump at the opportunity. Nor do I consider my family a consolation prize. Ugh.

 

Words are great, but it is our actions that matter, and yours don't match your words. Someone who wants to prevent or stop escalating an affair doesn't open new lines of communication with AP under false pretenses. Someone who wants to prevent or stop escalating an affair doesn't engage in mental gymnastics to justify why they need to keep seeing and the AP.

 

If you do not view your family as a consolation prize, then why are you only making them the center of your focus after your AP foreclosed on the affair?

 

Often times, it is the things that get under our skin that we should focus on. They get under our skin because there is at least a grain of truth in them. Best of luck with IC.