How do you know if a guy you're dating is interested in just sex or something more?

[4blossoms]

What if he is doing everything right, like taking you out on dates, except he doesn't ask any questions about you, your interests, your job, etc.?

[Scarlett.O'hara]

If a guy isn't showing much interest in you as a person, what is he interested in?

 

Trust your instincts.

[Arieswoman]

If a guy isn't showing much interest in you as a person, what is he interested in?

 

This ^^^^ is a good question you need to ask yourself OP.....

[basil67]

What if he is doing everything right, like taking you out on dates, except he doesn't ask any questions about you, your interests, your job, etc.?

 

It means he's more interested in talking about himself than you.

 

This doesn't doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't want to date you, it just means that he's a self focused individual and poor conversationalist.

[JelatineDessert]

What if he is doing everything right, like taking you out on dates, except he doesn't ask any questions about you, your interests, your job, etc.?

As for not taking you on dates, I'd think about that. As far as not asking questions about you, I had recently been reading Mars and Venus on a Date. It's a book by John Gray PhD who has devoted his studies to people understanding the communication that happens between men and women and how the differences between those two genders can cause confusion and misinterpretation of messages from both parties. I highly recommend ALL his books, but let this one be one of the first ones you read, as it's all about dating and the stages of dating.

I recently read a chapter that was about exactly this: Why men don't ask many questions. If i can summarize it, it's basically b/c men see dates kind of like interviews. They are interviewing for a job position (to be your boyfriend) and so they want to sell themselves as much as they can--market themselves. They want you to know about all their successes, accomplishments, things they're proud. In a man's mind, he thinks it's best to do the talking and not really ask the interviewer questions. The author mentions, "a man thinks, 'you wouldn't go to a job interview and start asking the boss questions!' " So, it's not that he doesnt like you, it's that men have different reasons for why they communicate (or not communicate) a certain way. I wont ramble on, but pick up the book. The author mentions what you can do in the event of the guy talking too much about himself/not asking you questions. Good luck and have fun

[Arieswoman]

JD,

I also read the book.

 

Apparently men "report talk" while women "rapport talk".

 

In other words men talk for a purpose, and that is to gather information. So many of them don't waste words.

 

Women talk to bond with each other and the content of the conversation isn't quite as important.

 

Whether this helps in this sitch I don't know....

[4blossoms]

I was hoping to get something conclusive but looks like the jury is still out on this... I do think that most men, unfortunately because of biology, tend to be less sensitive, more selfish, and more inconsiderate than women. And as women we are often biologically hardwired to find them attractive anyway!

 

Well, I guess if things progress with a guy and he wants you to be his girlfriend or wife he will let you know...eventually... Meanwhile you will have maybe spent years with him only to face a possible dead end because he was just "settling" and isn't that crazy about you!

 

Love sucks.

[Arieswoman]

4B,

Meanwhile you will have maybe spent years with him only to face a possible dead end because he was just "settling" and isn't that crazy about you!

 

Well, hopefully, no woman will invest that much time with a guy who is only lukewarm about her

[Buddhist]

You can't really. Guys who want just sex will tell you what you want to hear to get it.

[Buddhist]

JD,

 

Apparently men "report talk" while women "rapport talk".

 

In other words men talk for a purpose, and that is to gather information. So many of them don't waste words.

 

Women talk to bond with each other and the content of the conversation isn't quite as important.

 

Whether this helps in this sitch I don't know....

 

Apparently I'm not from Venus because I don't rapport talk and the content of the conversation is vitally important to keep my interest and participation. Must be why many women don't find me an interesting conversationalist.

[Thatoneguy55]

It's actually quite simple. Don't sleep with him. If he disappears without a fight, you have your answer.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I've had more than my fair share of dates with men who either spent all their time talking about HIM and HIS life or they had very little to say where it's like pulling teeth to carry any kind of conversation. In both scenarios, there seemed very little interest in asking me anything about myself.

 

I've learned very early on that those men aren't worth wasting my precious time on.

[smackie9]

as I always say date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. You have an expectation on how the process of getting to know one another goes, right? So if something feels off, whatever his motives maybe if any, follow you instincts.

[Miss Peach]

I've had more than my fair share of dates with men who either spent all their time talking about HIM and HIS life or they had very little to say where it's like pulling teeth to carry any kind of conversation. In both scenarios, there seemed very little interest in asking me anything about myself.

 

I've learned very early on that those men aren't worth wasting my precious time on.

 

I will say that a lot of men this stuff to 'impress' women. There are a lot of men who are trying to put on a show for a woman so that she likes him. So I do cut men some slack in this area.

 

Having said that, I have an ex who was never willing to ask questions (because he wasn't willing to pry) and we had a lot of trouble getting our communication styles in sync. There are people who think this way. He treated me really well, took me out on dates and never let me pay a dime even a year in, etc. Even then, it bothered me because it felt like he didn't care. Like he didn't have the motivation to learn what made me tick. In the end our different communication styles make me feel really uneasy with him and I broke it off.

 

If this is bothering you now and he hasn't stopped within a date or two, I would consider it more than jitters and think you two just might not be a match.

[NuevoYorko]

Well - instead of worrying about what this guy wants, maybe you should be thinking about whether you'd like to be in a relationship with a guy who appears to have little interest in you as a person?

 

You know, dating is not all about whether someone wants to be in a relationship with you or not; it's really about you deciding whether you feel they are a compatible match for you or not just as much.

 

Don't rush into sex with any guy before you feel ready. I've read plenty about a "3 date rule" or whatever. If you aren't ready by 3 dates, don't have sex. If he's not interested enough to hang around, let him go.

 

That said, you can't protect yourself forever if you are looking for a relationship. Plenty of times people have sex with each other and break up. That doesn't mean that the guy was necessarily interested in "just sex." It may well mean that there wasn't enough there to hold a relationship together.