I am not a social man and I have no in-person female friends, how do I befriend her?

[Carnegie_reader]

About 4 days ago, I met a girl at the school library and she gave me her cell phone number after talking a little. I am 26 and she seems to be around 21 or so. Anyway, I want to become her friend but I don't know "how."

 

Although she replies to my texts messages, I always have these thoughts in mind:

“What if she doesn’t want to be my friend?”

“What if she ignores me if I send her a text message?"

"Are her texts short because she doesn't want me to text her?"

 

and the list of my thoughts can go on and on...

 

I also have mild thoughts about having "ruined" the opportunity of being her friend already since I have been in similar situations before and the other person stops messaging me after a few texts messages.

 

I must importantly mention that I have no in-person female friends (just a few from other places that I have met online), so all these thoughts could be normal for someone like me.

As a result of my lack of friends and previous fails trying to make friends, I am not sure what "steps" I should follow in this situation, like, should I text her daily? should I never text her and wait to see if she texts me someday?, etc.

 

As a side note, I am trying to improve my social life by reading books, going to places, etc. but I always have a hard time becoming friends with women (and sometimes with men too but this is especially true with women)

[basil67]

People get bored with messaging. There comes a time where meeting up for coffee or a drink or a gallery needs to happen.

 

Tell her that you'd like to get to know her better and ask if she's available for X on the weekend.

[Carnegie_reader]

People get bored with messaging. There comes a time where meeting up for coffee or a drink or a gallery needs to happen.

 

Tell her that you'd like to get to know her better and ask if she's available for X on the weekend.

 

Good advice, and I could try that, but how do I do it without sounding "desperate"?

[Osmium13]

I wouldn't bother with the "get to know you better" line. Even without that she'll probably figure out that you're interested in her - and if she shares that interest she'll take that as a good thing. If not, she'll probably politely decline the coffee, so you move on.

[Satu]

Invite her to something definite:

 

"Would you like to go/see/do X with me, on Y evening?"

 

Vague invitations often bring vague responses.

 

 

Take care.

[Carnegie_reader]

Invite her to something definite:

 

"Would you like to go/see/do X with me, on Y evening?"

 

Vague invitations often bring vague responses.

 

 

Take care.

 

Thanks guys, I will invite here somewhere this weekend and "move on" if she decides to decline the invitation

[preraph]

Are you a man or a woman? Can't tell from your post. If you're a guy, I"m assuming you want more than friendship with her, so the answer is different.

If you're female, see if she wants to do whatever her interest is sometime this week. Text her to find out what she does for fun. Then ask her to go do it. You could do the same if you're a guy as well. Don't just TEXT. You need to get together to become friends. Otherwise, she'll get bored of just texting BS and stop doing it. So find out what she does for fun and ask her to go do it. If you're a guy, you pay. If you're a woman, since you invited you offer to pay but she ought to pay her own way, ideally, or take turns the next time.

[Carnegie_reader]

Are you a man or a woman? Can't tell from your post. If you're a guy, I"m assuming you want more than friendship with her, so the answer is different.

 

I am a male. Yes I would like to have more than a friendship with her; I think she is very nice and I liked her, BUT as I mentioned, I have no in-person female friends whatsoever, so thinking of having more than a friendship with a woman is a thought that always comes to my mind automatically with almost any woman that I meet.

 

So I don't want to "scare" this person by suddenly inviting her to dinner or something like that. I want to ask her out to a Starbucks or a park just to know each other more and perhaps become friends.

 

This might not be the correct forum to say this but I suffered of depression years ago and although I feel that I am "cured" now, many times I think that maybe that complicates the fact that I can't make friends today.

 

Nonetheless, she didn't respond to the text I sent her since yesterday morning, should I ask her out anyway? I am perceiving that she lost interest in knowing more of me already

[Carnegie_reader]

anyone? what would you advice?

[Carnegie_reader]

This is becoming a personal diary, I know, and I apologize, but today I saw her here at the school library. She walked by next to me and waved at me but she didn't approach or anything like that (she didn't respond to my previous text either). I noticed in her face that she kind of wanted to ignore me (she just waved then looked straight without moving her head).

 

My explanation here is simple: I am socially awkward and she felt uncomfortable. How do I fix this guys? Please help me improve my social skills

[Carnegie_reader]

Well, she never replied. I hope I can improve my social skills so these doesn't keep repeating on and on. Thanks everyone for the help.

[preraph]

I'm sorry. Didn't mean to leave you hanging. Been busy the last couple of days.

 

Well, yes, it doesn't sound like she's interested. Look, bottom line is common sense tells most mature women that a man is interested in more when he "wants to be friends." Young women are more naive about it, so it's possible she is too, but I doesn't sound like it. She knows you are interested and isn't intersted in that way back, though of course she has no wish to hurt your feelings and doesn't hate you. So she is just trying to be them bare minimum polite but not do anything to encourage your interest. You should just "be polite" back and that's all.

 

Depression made me totally isolate for the most part. And even when I snapped out of it, there were and are residual effects, matters of trust, at first me being too fast to jump to conclusions and be overly sensitive. Judgment a bit impaired. Your best chance (and everyone else's really) to meet someone and get to know them a bit and decide if you are interested is to take part in group activities where you see the same people over and over again and get used to each other. Look for your town on google and then "meetups" and see if any of your hobbies have meetups: bowling, ghost hunting, book club, nature expeditions, etc. It's the most organic way to meet and you have one advantage already which is you at least have on interest in common. Good luck.

 

But do just pass on her. Persistence doesn't work. It usually just makes people uncomfortable, and it is disrespectful because it implies you know what's best for the person and that she doesn't.