hotshothot23 Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 A little background information to begin. I have been with my girlfriend for almost a year and a half. We are both in our 30's. She was diagnosed with brain cancer and almost died but ended up making a full recovery back in 2007. Everything has been going great except she has been having a lot of health problems lately including seizures and she has gained about twenty pounds. We both love each other and tell each other that on a regular basis. She had a scare and had to go to the hospital over the past weekend(Friday). She was there for a few hours and the Doctor thought she might have bleeding on her brain. She told me to pray for her and that she loved me and not to freak out. I was worried to death about her. She called me and said that she had a sinus infection and high blood pressure but otherwise, her brain looks fine and no lingering effects. She called me on Sunday and told me that this really scared her and that she is worried about her health. She is telling me the truth because I was with her at the hospital. Anyways, she told me she is concerned about her overall health and that if she doesn't lose some weight and focus on getting healthy, she could get really sick again and potentially die or her brain cancer could come back and she is worried she won't be strong enough health wise in case it does. She told me she needed a "break" from the relationship to focus on getting stronger. She didn't elaborate any further and was open and honest with me. I love her and am worried about her but she kinda just left me hanging high and dry. This was Sunday. I sent her flowers and a card and told her I loved her and would support her in any way needed. Did she break up with me? What does taking a break mean? When should I follow up (if at all) and ask her to elaborate on how long the break will be and what the plan is moving forward? Should I just let her have some space and not contact her for awhile? Please advise. Thanks so much. I'm really upset and completely shocked and don't know what to do.
cucumber95 Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 It's weird, because in situation like that people want support from their partners. And I will tell you "break" is nothing good. It could mean lot of things, I can't really answer to you what is her reason for that break, you need to speak with her, but don't force her, just do it easy. If you let go and give her space it might be break up... I don't know what you should do, but if I would be in situation like that, I would talk to her, say you care about her, and you are not right with this situation because you are worried about her. Good luck.
central Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 It's not unusual for people to want to evaluate their lives when they've had a brush with mortality. Sometimes they realize their are things they want to do but haven't, and sometimes that means living the wild life, test driving other sexual partners, or taking up sky diving. I'm not saying it IS any of these things, but all too often when someone asks for a break in a relationship, it's to explore another relationship while keeping the current one on hold in case the alternative(s) don't work out. If you haven't talked about parameters for this break, be prepared to learn (someday) that she had a fling. Unless you are certain she wouldn't ever do this, then think about what you can experience during this break.
salparadise Posted October 4, 2016 Posted October 4, 2016 (edited) I love her and am worried about her but she kinda just left me hanging high and dry. This was Sunday. I sent her flowers and a card and told her I loved her and would support her in any way needed. Did she break up with me? What does taking a break mean? When should I follow up (if at all) and ask her to elaborate on how long the break will be and what the plan is moving forward? Yea, I'd be upset too. It like she's implying that she can't focus on getting stronger with you around. Perhaps she feels like it takes too much energy to meet your needs, but in this situation I'm sure you'd be more focused on her needs. Usually when women say the need a break it means they're checking out. Their interest level has fallen to a low point, enthusiasm is gone and they're thinking about terminating the relationship... but they're not quite certain, not quite ready to pull the plug, so they use this as a half-way measure test how it feels. It sucks because it puts you on hold and wastes your precious time, not to mention the emotional roller coaster it puts you on. Then you start sending flowers and trying to do everything you can to show how much you care... it sucks your energy and gives you nothing. But I'm sure they have some way to rationalize that they're being kind, doing you a favor. I don't know how the health issues factor into your situation. Maybe it causes her reassess what she wants going forward. But she is certainly not doing you any kindness in pushing you away, declining your caring and intimacy, etc. It seems very immature. So, I don't think that's what it's about. It's tough because feelings are involved, and you're threatened with losing what you though was a valuable relationship. However, she just told you that she doesn't value it like you do, that she doesn't want you to be there for her. Emotions notwithstanding, here's what I think best tactical move would be... No Contact. As long as you're giving, giving, giving and she's not reciprocating it's wrong. So give her a chance to miss you and wonder why you aren't falling all over yourself trying to woo her back. If she values the relationship she'll come back and apologize. If she doesn't, you may not ever hear from her again. Give it a couple of weeks and if you don't hear from her, take steps to move on with your life. The one sided thing... where you show how much you want it while she shows nothing but ambivalence is not where you should be after a year and a half of dating. PS: I don't think you'd be wrong in telling her that she's being selfish, and that you're angry. And perhaps to give her a deadline to get over it. I don't think you should sucking up and leaving everything in her control and undefined. Edited October 4, 2016 by salparadise
Recommended Posts