Longtime vet returning after his very same reconciliation 4 years.

[ZimboGon]

Hey there guys. About 4 to 5 years ago, I spent my life on this website. I managed to get back together with her, years passed, and now I'm sitting in an airport tearing up on my birthday. I need advice.

 

I broke up with her 6 months ago. Yeah, you heard me. We got into a lot of fights, and I shut down. I decided to martyr myself. If i couldn't make her happy, she'd be happier without me. She didn't handle it very well.

 

I shut down emotionally. I focused on my job, fitness. She removed me from all social media. It wasn't until two months later, after me pushing down my emotions everyday, that I heard she was dating someone. Someone much older, wealthy, and in a different country.

 

I was sent into a frenzie. I couldn't breathe. I contacted her and told her breaking up was a mistake. She didn't seem happy, and quickly dismissed me by saying I hope getting that off your chest will allow you to move on.

 

I went on a bunch of dates. Didn't like any of the girls. I contacted her again a month later, her reaction was much different. I told her I wanted to be friends, I didn't like my life without her in it. She responded coldy, saying I didn't deserve to be friends. I asked if she hated me, and she responded with a shrug and "I'm apathetic towards you."

 

This gave me the closure I thought I needed... Until my business trip. She was there, as she works for the same company, and we kept running into each other. I'd smile, but she would avoid contact at every possibility. She couldn't even face me. Don't get me wrong, the anxiety killed me seeing her. I would start shaking. We were each others first love. But seeing her avoid me and become uncomfortable somehow comforted me, knowing she truly wasn't apathetic towards me. How can you recover from a 6 year relationship in 6 months?

 

So, i get to my airport... and I break down. First time since we really even broke up. I couldn't handle seeing her and her not being mine. Seeing her effected me greatly.

 

I've got major heart surgery coming up soon. I was thinking, I'd message her again one last time prior for some closure. Tell her I'm sorry things ended the way they did... Just in case something goes wrong under the knife.

 

I'm just a mess right now... haha. It's hard to believe she doesn't care.

[lil hoodlum]

I remember your story. You are one of the few on here who I have read to successfully get a second chance with someone.

 

 

I am really sorry to hear that things between the two of you didn't work out.

[BC1980]

I think you are having regrets because she moved on to someone else, but those regrets might just be a knee jerk reaction. I can't tell you if it was the right decision to break up or not, but, if you are having regrets because she moved on, those feelings are probably short term. After my ex broke up with me, about 2 months later, I dropped off his radar and stopped responding to his texts very often. I would respond here and there, but I pretty much stopped initiating anything or getting into any emotional conversation with him. After about 2 months of that, we ended up having a heart to heart conversation, and he divulged that he was terrified I had met someone new, and it had been very difficult for him because of that.

 

He didn't want to get back together, but it was just the shock and ego bruise of me possibly being with someone else. That might be what is going on with you. Would you have felt this same way if you had never heard from her again, or if you had seen her and she was still single? I know there is no way to know for sure, but you might want to give those questions some consideration. Also, I don't think you should contact her before your surgery. If she is an ex, she isn't in a position to be in on those things in your life. She knows how you feel. Telling her again won't help you.

[ZimboGon]

He didn't want to get back together, but it was just the shock and ego bruise of me possibly being with someone else. That might be what is going on with you. Would you have felt this same way if you had never heard from her again, or if you had seen her and she was still single? I know there is no way to know for sure, but you might want to give those questions some consideration. Also, I don't think you should contact her before your surgery. If she is an ex, she isn't in a position to be in on those things in your life. She knows how you feel. Telling her again won't help you.

 

I never really wanted to break up. I just shut down, I needed distance. I was thinking about her before the new relationship, but when i heard about it, it just speed up the process.

 

The reason we fought was due to my own insecurity. She signed on to my business and started performing better than I was. I wasn't jealous, I was scared. Scared the one thing she was proud of that I had going for me was going to slip away.

 

unfortunately I never vocalized it well. She thought i was unsupportive and jealous. I just want her to know that I am proud of her, before my surgery

Edited October 4, 2016 by ZimboGon

[Kelley]

If you can get a letter to her, send a letter. Explain everything, I'm sure she still cares even though she is in a new relationship. I think you need to do it for you, and she doesn't have to read it if she really doesn't want to, at least you tried. I would always be open to a letter, as it takes more time and thought than a simple message, that alone shows that you care still.

[aloneinaz]

I agree with the knee jerk reaction to news she's moved on while you're still alone. Push aside your emotions right now and look at the facts. They are you two have broken up now twice. Nothing would change the third, fourth or 5th time except your mental health would be more damaged from all the drama and bs.

 

It's natural to feel hurt a bit when your ex moves on before you do. But, you two just didn't float each other's boat and were not compatible or you wouldn't of broken up twice.

 

Give yourself some time to get over this news. In all likelihood, you'll feel much better in a couple of days. Women seem to be able to find new guys faster than men do. This is why some guys dump their GF they are not in love with anymore, then panic and run back after them when the girl moves on to a new guy. This is especially true if the guy hasn't had luck in the single game.

 

Don't contact her again. She's made it clear that she's moved on. She's not a part of your life and honestly, you're being selfish in contacting her for YOUR needs.

 

Good luck with your surgery.

[BC1980]

I never really wanted to break up. I just shut down, I needed distance. I was thinking about her before the new relationship, but when i heard about it, it just speed up the process.

 

The reason we fought was due to my own insecurity. She signed on to my business and started performing better than I was. I wasn't jealous, I was scared. Scared the one thing she was proud of that I had going for me was going to slip away.

 

unfortunately I never vocalized it well. She thought i was unsupportive and jealous. I just want her to know that I am proud of her, before my surgery

 

Then I have to ask: why did you break up with her if you didn't really want to? Also, if she was only proud of you because of your job, that does not bode well. I would be looking for a person that loves me for more than my earning potential.